The reasons for divorce vary from one person to the next, and the legal grounds claimed on the divorce papers usually only tell part of the story.
By Tracy Achen, Divorce Coach
First of all, in no-fault states the only grounds for divorce are irreconcilable differences (the marriage is irretrievably broken). These states include Colorado, Iowa, Kentucky, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, Oregon, Washington, and Wisconsin.
The rest of the states allow a spouse to declare other grounds based on marital misconduct as the reason for divorce. Even though each state has specific fault grounds (you can look up the statutes for your state), the most common ones are:
I'll admit, these are some good reasons for divorce, but I wanted to find out what our visitors considered the main cause of the breakup of their marriage. Below you can see the results from our ongoing divorce survey:
Answers Infidelity |
Percentage 26.6% |
Responses 813 |
Given that 21.1% of the respondents chose "Other" as a cause for their divorce, it made me wonder what I was missing. Could it be there is a lot more to the story?
Most people who have gone through a divorce will probably tell you there were multiple reasons why their marriage didn't work out. After talking with other women and doing a lot more research, I've expanded my original list to include more specific reasons for divorce, as outlined below:
Abusive Behavior:
• Physical Abuse
• Mental or Emotional Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Controlling Behavior
Major Life Changes:
• Death / major illness of family member
• Major Illness of you or your spouse
• Loss of a job
• Financial Problems
Irreconcilable differences:
• Religious differences
• Married for the wrong reasons
• Differences in career/personal goals
• Cultural differences
• Communication problems
• Intellectual Incompatibility
• Unwillingness to compromise
• Problems with parents or in-laws
• Different money management styles
• Different financial goals
Other Issues:
• Criminal behavior or incarceration
• Mental Illness or Insanity
• Marriage entered into fraudulently
• Desertion
• Child Abuse
Addictions:
• Alcohol
• Drugs
• Gambling
Children:
•Decision to have children
•Fighting over discipline
•Different parenting styles
•Parenting duty inequity
• Step-children issues
Grown in Different Directions:
• Grown Apart
• Don't respect your partner
• Immaturity
• Leading separate lives
• Fallen Out of Love
• Married too young
• Constant fighting
• Lack of commitment
• Midlife crisis
Sexual Problems:
• Infidelity
• Porn Addiction
• Impotency
• Lack of Sex
• Sexual Incompatibility
• Sexual orientation issues
As you think back over your own situation, you will probably agree there is usually not one single factor that caused your marriage to fail, but rather a multiple of factors.
Click below to read contributions from other visitors to this page...
His cyber affair and online addiction
We have been married for 20 years. I found out after the first year of marriage about his massive p*rn collection (hundreds of magazines and video tapes). …
I Left The Abuse
I finally had enough of the Verbal and Emotional Abuse after being married for seven years and having two kids. Ladies, don't wait until you have a scar …
Tired of walking on eggshells
I have been married for 27 years. My husband is nine years older than I am. From the very start of our relationship, my husband was very controlling and …
He Emotionally Destroyed Me
He was so mentally and emotionally abusive over a two year period that I woke up one day and saw that he had gradually all but destroyed me mentally and …
He has no ambition
My marriage of 17 years is about to dissolve because my husband has usually held a job, but doesn't want to consistently go to work. I pay the mortgage, …
From love to abuse
He went from loving me to abusing me. I have only been married 6 months but it is a marriage that should have never happened.
My husband and I have …
Thrown Away Like Yesterdays Trash
After 34 years of marriage, he just threw me away like yesterday’s trash!
You need to know that this "IS" my true story and what I have to deal with …
He Crushed My Spirit
We have been married for two years and I would like to think we have a pretty good relationship in spite of our occasional arguments. But things between …
He abandoned me
He abandoned me without warning and for NO REASON! I just want to know why he could move on so easily.
He was nine years older than me when we met and …
Texting another woman
My husband and I have only been married for three months, but I just left him last night because he’s such an idiot. First of all, he drinks way too much, …
Married me for a green card
I met the man who became my husband in another country and eventually brought him back to the United States. He had a temporary green card and interviewed …
He never grew up
We have been married for over twelve years and he never grew up. We aren’t divorced yet, but I’m working on figuring everything out so I can do this. My …
He is the man
In his mind, he is the man and therefore is always right. He treats me like a child and thinks he owns me. Here is just a little example of how he treats …
Lack of attention
The lack of emotional and physical attention is more than I can take. We got married when I was 20. I was young, but I really did love him. After we got …
He was a mommas boy
My ex was a momma’s boy who never cut the apron strings. His mom criticized me all the time because she thought I was too young for him. And he never stood …
Too little too late
Years ago, we lost a very good friend to suicide and my husband never recovered from the loss. He slowly slipped into drinking, anger and eventually inconsolable …
Spoiled rotten step child
My step-child was spoiled rotten and his dad teamed up against me with him. My ex-husband was a nice man… unfortunately, too nice.
His son took full …
He left me with nothing
He claims I never paid ATTENTION to him and the children. Then one day my ex tells it’s not working and that he filed for divorce. He tells me that I need …
No remorse for his infidelity
A "fling" and its destructive powers that I thought we were working on (I was wrong) was what started unraveling out marriage. While we were separated …
His gambling addiction and abuse
I am not sure where I should start...
My soon to be ex is a compulsive liar with a gambling addiction. He blames me for everything and uses verbal …
Lying and porn addiction
Porn addiction and the associated lying and secrecy were the main reason for our divorce.
There was also passive aggressive behavior, including withholding …
He had another family
Fasten your seat belt ladies, here comes my story. I was married for 27 1/2 years and have one son who is 25 and married, and a 22 year old daughter who …
Inappropriate relationships with other women
My husband was having so many inappropriate relationships with women. He had a lot of "friends" that he met on conferences and a lot of "friends" from …
He found a girlfriend on the internet
I have been married for 27 years. Things at home were not going so good the last couple years. My husband was sleeping on couch and I couldn't get him …
My husband is having a baby with his mistress.
My husband has been having an affair with a woman for about 2 years. I decided to stick it out with him because I felt he was going through a mid-life …
I Got Tired of Being Controlled
After thirty years of marriage and two children (now in college), I finally found the courage to snap the chains that have controlled me for all of my …
My husband has the mindset of an incorrigible teenager.
I met my husband six years ago when we were both teachers at the same school. The relationship began very intensely. I had been alone for 7.5 years after …
A life of mind games...and being ignored
The reason for my failing marriage was that I was the scapegoat for so many things...
Several times over the years, he would mess up on his job. For …
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Other articles covering some of the main causes for divorce: