My husband is having a baby with his mistress.

by Cynthia
(Contra Costa County)

My husband has been having an affair with a woman for about 2 years. I decided to stick it out with him because I felt he was going through a mid-life crisis. I took the infidelity but the baby is more than I can take. We have been married for 25 years and have been together for 30. I just don't see how our marriage will work.

Comments for My husband is having a baby with his mistress.

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I'm a husband
by: BigCat

I have been married to my wife for 24 years. We haven't had sex in a long time. Just like all the relationships here where the husband went looking. I got my side-chick pregnant on purpose. I wanted to have more than just one kid with my wife. She took control of that too. So, I went looking. I'm 46 and not getting younger. My chances of having more kids are getting slimmer by the day. So, I met a younger woman and I was careless with birth control on purpose. You know the craziest thing. When I informed my wife that I had gotten her 32-year-old friend pregnant she wanted to have sex. Out of the blue. She has resisted my advanced to the point I....went looking. I am not going to divorce my wife, nor and I going to marry this girl. I still live in the same house as my wife and I don't plan on moving.
Cheated on and mistress has his child
by: Yuliana

To MJ the woman who had a baby with a married man, I cannot believe that you would think that’s OK. My husband of 26 years had a baby with a lady who pursued him even though he turned her down many times saying he was married. My children are devastated. My grandchildren are devastated, my aunts and uncles and cousins and his parents and his brothers and sisters; everyone is devastated because of someone like you. I will not let my husband see that baby... he’s for bidden because he wants me.
A baby with a married man
by: MJ

My baby daddy is someone's husband. After all his lies, we now we have a 5 year old daughter. At first he didn't accept it, but now he does. We co-parent very well and he wants another baby because he made his wife tie her tubes. But I'm willing to accept the fact he trying; he in love and he’s attached. I have not seen him in two years; the fact of moving on with my life now. He’s coming back around, but he tells me he constantly he wants more and more.
Oh wow
by: Joelle

My husband has been cheating the entire time we were married and gas lighting me. I’ve contacted the woman I believe is his mistress. She denied everything. I told him today if I continue to suspect his infidelity I’m leaving. I’m pregnant but I’m not going to be a fool for any guy. Married or not.

All these ladies being cheated on in marriage… my heart goes out to you. My heart also goes out to the mistresses that were lied to by the husband. I would never be mad at a woman who didn’t know my husband was married and stopped communicating when him after. How is that her fault? It’s 💯 his. Now the mistresses who continue the affair despite knowing he’s married with kids? 🤮
@Don't be stupid
by: Jaded

Bingo! The problem that seems prevalent is entitlement. As long as the wife is being gaslighted, the better. The mistress feels entitled to continue with her affair at the wife’s expense. A Man with two families will never face a consequence as long as his wife is blaming herself. Let the mistress have him. If it works out, so what? You will be too busy building your own life.
Grey rock. You owe them nothing.
Don't be stupid
by: The Wife

I am the wife of a pos cheater who got his affair partner pregnant (so she says). My husband says he wants to be with me and never intended for any of this to happen. In my case the other person definitely knew about me and our children. We have been together 14 years and married 7 years. He had an affair for 2 years. I’m not sure I want to stay with my husband. I told him if he wants to have a child with her to pack his stuff and go be with her. I don't want any part of it. I will not in any way play family with her. I didn't get her pregnant. I don't care about her or her baby. She pretended me and my kids didn't exist. So she and her baby don't exist to me either.

And to all the mistresses that are saying how loved you are... then why aren't these men packing up and leaving their wives? Get a clue! They are lying to you the same they are lying to us! My husband swears he can't stand his affair partner. He never loved her. He was never planning on leaving his family. So we the wives are hearing the same BS you are. No, I will not have anything to do with this baby. It’s not mine. Who do you think raises our kids? Yep ME! I’m not watching your love child while my husband is at work. I’m not getting up in the middle of the night to feed a baby because my husband couldn't keep his privates in his pants or use protection.

What both of you did has done nothing but ruin my entire world and crushed my heart. I hate you both. I told my husband I don't even know if I want to work it out. But I will not have anything to do with this baby and if he wants to be with me, he won't be able to be a part of this child’s life. He could pack up and leave if he wants to be a part of that kid’s life. He hasn't. He made the choice to not be in her kid’s life if there is actually a kid. That’s his decision. Quit blaming the wives because the pos that cheated on his wife and fed us tons of BS the entire affair isn't going to step up and be dad of the year! And just for your information, we were intimate during the entire affair as well. My husband isn't in a sexless marriage. He told me he loved me and behaved just as a husband would. You the mistress have been played just as much as us wives!!
My husband got his mistress pregnant at the same time I was pregnant with our second child
by: J

My husband and I had been together for about 10 years and already had a beautiful two year old girl when I discovered we were pregnant with our second baby. It should be a time of joy and celebration right? Wrong. Shortly after he dropped the bombshell on me that he had also gotten his mistress pregnant. And this was no ordinary mistress, she was full of malicious intent and set out to destroy our family and publicly humiliate us.

Turns out she had been planning on stealing my husband from me and my young daughter for a while. She lied to him about being on birth control and got pregnant on purpose, convinced that her scheme of having his baby would make him leave me and his daughter for her. She wasted no time in using the Internet as a tool of destruction and posted pictures of her fetus with my husband’s full name as the father all over social media. She flaunted his shameful act everywhere and brought disgrace upon our family. A constant flow of ultrasound pictures with the title "baby ‘husband’s last name’ will be here soon!" Flooded Facebook and other social media platforms. I was so ashamed of what my husband had done I never could bring myself to post updates on our own unborn baby girl. I have no idea why I didn’t leave him then, it was so stupid of me to stay with such a garbage can of a human being.

Once the child was born I couldn’t hate it, who could hate an innocent baby? So I tried my best to take her in as my own and treat her with the love and respect that I show my own girls. But that was not enough for his home wrecking mistress, no, she wanted more, she wanted my husband to herself. She proceeded to blast us all over Facebook for not seeing her Child born from their affair enough even though we kept her often. A person can only take so much and I began to get fed up with the whole thing; I had already tried so hard, even though just looking at their love child hurt me to the core and brought me to tears. When I try to explain to my husband the hurt that I’m feeling he always turns it against me and tries to make me feel like I’m in the wrong somehow by bringing up small mistakes that I made years prior that have nothing to do with what’s going on now. I am suffering, more importantly my children are suffering, and she plays the victim even though this was her plan all along and he believes it.

I’m stressed and depressed and I just want out but he won’t leave. He clams to love me but I know that this is not love. I just want out. I don’t want her to achieve her goal of taking the father of my children away from them but I most certainly want him away from me. My oldest daughter is so attached to him I know it would crush her sole knowing her daddy left her for his mistress and illegitimate pawn in her sick game. This is so unfair to my babies! They deserve a real father. They should not have to be exposed to all of the sick twisted evil at such a young age. And they also deserve a happy confident mother. This is the most maniacal homewrecker I have ever encountered. She and my selfish husband have ruined my life and the lives of my children.
I thought this page was for betrayed wives
by: Jamey

Why do all these home wreckers keep saying "he’s playing happy families"….. With his REAL family; the one they came in and did their best to destroy?? Stop living in a delusion, that IS his family and he is doing his best to hold it together after making the biggest mistake a married man can make; getting some wh*re knocked up. Stop playing the victim. What is happening to you and your child is exactly what you planned he would do to his real family, but it backfired and now everyone is miserable, baby included. You hoped he would abandon them and run to you because you having his child would somehow make him realize he needed to leave his wife and kids for you.

And shame on you for bringing an innocent life into this world just to use as pawn to try and steal a father away from his wife and children. It’s downright evil to use an innocent baby for such selfish purposes and call the innocent family you brought so much pain upon (besides the cheating husband) the villains of the story. This is not meant for the mistresses that were manipulated and did not know he was married so please don’t take offense, that’s 100% on the p.o.s. man. But for the majority that did know and got pregnant on purpose we, the wives, are not stupid. And yes, I do plan on leaving my cheating husband even though it’s what the home wrecker of my personal story wants.
He cheated for over 15 years
by: caroline

I had come out of a bad relationship with this guy I had been with for over 2 years. When I met my husband, I thought he was my life. But my past and coming into a relationship with a step-child drove him into another woman arms. He left for 2 years to spend with his mum. Everything was fine when he left.

When he came back, I found out about what was really going on when a picture fell from his wallet on floor. Could not believe it was a picture of her and baby. It was playing on my mind, but he said it was no one, or family, etc. Then time went on and he was sneaking phone calls, taking long walks at night (saying he needs fresh air), going to the bathroom with his phone. He’s still really sneaking to this day. Guess who still has pictures.

This man has lied to me for over 24 years. The child is 15 years old. I have health issues. He is always putting me down about my weight and going at me like I am dog. I can't take it no more.

I try blocking it, but it’s hard. The only thing we got is 3 kids together and sex is always goods (he always tells me so). But I want to love someone who is honest and I can trust and respect. What shall I do?
Unity After Tragedy
by: The Man With Two Families

My girlfriend unexpectedly became pregnant last summer, and my youngest son was born in April. My girlfriend had received the first of two doses of a COVID-19 vaccine before going in and was due for the second several weeks after the delivery date. She didn't make it. Despite all precautions, she caught COVID-19 in the hospital. We lost her four weeks later.

I know that many of you view me as a terrible person. I have feelings too. This loss has crushed me.

Maybe the one good thing is that, because I am responsible for my children by my girlfriend, I had to tell my wife everything. It is a relief not to have to lead a double life anymore. My wife and I both cried and cried in the days after I told her. I just knew that she was going to leave me.

I picked up the children from the nanny, who had been looking after them while my girlfriend was sick. It was hard for the little ones to adjust to a new home, and to their half-siblings. But after about a week, my kids from both families were playing together in the back yard. My wife glanced out the kitchen window, turned to me, and said, "It looks like this is our new family." We hugged, our first intimacy since my disclosure.

We stayed up all night talking. She remembered the years when she grew cold toward me and I remembered the loneliness that drove me into my girlfriend's arms. We realized we were both responsible. We decided then and there that our marriage is worth saving. My wife is an amazing woman for giving us a new chance, and for accepting my children by my deceased girlfriend, as her own.

I've also explained to my older sons by my wife. One cannot accept that I had another relationship. In time, hopefully he and I can mend our bond. On the other hand, my oldest son, who has by now accumulated some relationship experience of his own, understands. He knew that things between my wife and me were strained for a time, and he was relieved that I stuck it out instead of resorting to divorce. I never stopped being there for him, and he knows it.

I will always miss my girlfriend, but I am overcome with joy that all of my children can be together and that I can stay with my wife.
Affair
by: Julia

My husband is having an affair and he is denying it. I am in total denial and don't want to believe it. I want a divorce. What do I do?
Response to force change
by: MB

These women didn’t cheat on you Mrs. Wife. Your husband did. And he continues to do so. This other woman and baby is probably the first one you found out about. Why blame the other woman. It is your husband that cheated on you.

I am the ‘hoe". But I didn’t not know he was married etc. as he deceived me. I became pregnant and his wife knows about baby. He is visiting baby and me behind her back. The husbands are the problem. It is easy for women to blame each other, but wake up, it is the men that are the problem. Your husband probably told his mistress he loved her etc. etc. and you know what? Women’s feelings are like she believed it.

One sure thing of… I will continue to play the game with my baby dad as there is way my baby is going anywhere near his insecure wife. So I will continue to accommodate his physical needs and baby visits behind his wife’s back. 😊
Force change
by: Tristan

After 7 years with a man and having a 5 year old, I found out he cheated and has a 1 year old with another woman. That wasn’t the end of it. He is still sleeping with her. So I told him I’m done until he stops the relationship with her and her baby and only pays child support. She can drop the baby off to ME at the door then pick it up later. He should put our son first, especially since he told her to get an abortion. So I’m going to move 3 hours to stay with him to make sure she does not come to his home and I will put a GPS tracking on his vehicles. Take charge ladies, these side hoes and their resulting babies are below us and our family.
Cheating Husband
by: Lost in LA

I need some advice. I have been married over 29 years and my husband cheated on me and left our home 7 years ago. He stayed with the girl and they had a child and he was stupid enough to give the child his last name. Come to find out, he now has cancer. Because the hospital asked if he was married, they called the wife (me) and I came. Now he is in my house only because he was really sick and dying.

He had the nerve to bring the daughter and her sister, he’s still being a jerk and treats me horribly. Come to find out, the daughter is not even his. He opened a bank account for her without me knowing, but won’t give me anything. He took my name off the account where you can draw money if he gets sick or something, knowing he has cancer. He treats our child like garbage, mind you the child who took all his money to help his mom when he turned his back on us. Can you tell me what I can do in the state of Louisiana and what I am entitled to please?
Response to I’ve had enough
by: Dina M

Walk away. Don’t blame the child, she had noting to do with it. Your husband is the problem. In my case I’m the one with the child with a married man. My child is not the problem. The problem is his father. He won’t take accountability or responsibility as he his full of his own importance and for his wife's pride. I’ve had enough of playing their games. As it is my child is still a secret. Their families doesn’t know he exists.

Anyway, you need to cut your loses and walk away. You will feel a lot better to be free, believe me if I can do it day one with a new baby to be on my own with no roof over our heads, then anyone can manage on their own. The struggle is real but don’t forget the 3 people in your life:
1. The one who put you in difficult times.
2. The one who left you in difficult times
3. The one who helped you in difficult times.

You need to get stronger and get a divorce. Why did you keep your husband after he had a child, I know you were separated but still why?? I fail to understand Women who keep cheating husbands.
I’ve had enough
by: Juanita

My husband made a child while we were separated. The child is now 13 years old. I can’t stand to see her face sometimes. And she’s over at our home on the weekends and when there is no school.

Furthermore we married so he could get his immigration papers, 23 years later no green card. He drinks too much at any given time.

Please give suggestions
Response to “why”
by: Dina M

Same as that, I was the mistress and with his baby and I stopped him from seeing our child as he still wants to see us in secret. Until he grows up and acknowledges publicly to his family, I am not going to tolerate facilitating visits at the side of the road or in a car park.

I didn’t set out to be a home wrecker. When I met him he pursued me like crazy. I was 21. I didn’t know he was married until I had suspected something 8 months later and I asked him. He told me he was married with 3 kids. My first thought was how could you do this when you have little kids at home? But I had already fallen in love with him. And I accepted his kids in my mind.

Only this week he turns up at my gate but we weren’t there. I moved back home to my parents for lockdown. He doesn’t know where we are living and he is back sending me messages saying we are in his head everyday etc. This man will not leave us alone. Don’t get me wrong I want him to have a relationship with our child but not on his terms. As it is, he’s seeing the child is to fulfill his own needs and satisfaction that the child is doing well, it is not for the child’s benefit.

I’ve taken a mental break from him for 3 months now where I had no contact with him at all and I feel great. I even went on another date to try to move on. I know I can move on from him, but it’s the way he is ignoring responsibility. And like that, his wife is blaming me for everything. Why do women blame women? Wake up women… it’s the men that are the problem. I have all the messages and video calls of all the things my married man was saying to me. If he was your husband, you would have got rid a long time ago.

But these men know it’s "cheaper to keeper"… it all boils down to money at the end of the day. I’m glad I’m single and not sharing my baby with anyone. Of course I would like a relationship someday, but one day you just wake up and focus on what’s in front of you… yourself and your child. Women need to have more courage. I was 27 and alone when I had baby. I made it work and we are thriving. Fight or flight!! I feel so sorry for his wife, but at the same time I’ve no remorse as she blames me when in part I’m not to blame. I wasn’t married and didn’t know he was, but he told her a pack of lies to keep her happy.
Why?
by: Mistress and Wife

Well, I have been on both sides of coin. I was the mistress (I didn't know he was married) and I was the wife who got cheated on. Both times were disastrous.

When I was 22, I met a man who told me he was single. We met in church (YES CHURCH) and I assumed that this was the man that I prayed for. Well, long story short, I was wrong. For months we dated. He took me out, I met his friends, his family, and the whole nine yards. Then, I get the phone call. The phone call that said this woman was his wife. At first I didn't believe her, as he has JUST left my home that morning. When I asked him that afternoon what the story was, he told me it was true. In my eyes, it was over. I am NOT a home wrecker and I will never be the "other woman".

I was hurt, but I was grateful I had gotten out before it got too serious. Fast forward a couple weeks… I had blocked him from calling and on all social media, but guess who ALWAYS tried to come over? He did. Luckily my cousin was my room-mate and she knew what happened. She would constantly tell him to leave and even threatened to call the police. One day while I was at work, I got a call from a private number, I answered and it was her. She started screaming telling me to leave her husband alone. When I asked her what she was talking about, she told me that she saw their family plan cell phone bill and saw that he was constantly still calling me. I laughed. I told her I blocked him and if she looked at the time, she would see that no call was more than a few seconds at a time. She didn't even care. She was determined to believe it was my fault. This went on for months. Then, I got accepted to NYU and left. (I'm from California). But guess who found me across the nation and started pursuing me again? That's right, he did. It took me FINALLY taking a phone call from him (he called me in the dorms, after over a year mind you) recording it and then calling his wife so she could hear it for herself. Even then, it was my fault "since I should have changed my number"… WTH??

When I got cheated on, it was by someone my husband worked with on a ship. They are both in the Navy and they started the affair during a 7 month deployment, while I was at home raising his twin boys on my own that he had in his previous marriage. I was working full time (making more than he was) and finishing my PhD as well. I'm not going to lie, it hurt so badly!! Especially when he lied about it so many times to the point I thought I was going crazy. But just like everyone else, he got her pregnant. The affair was enough and when we split, he tried coming back home and lied to me saying he wasn't seeing her anymore. But when he finally broke down and told me she was pregnant, I WAS DONE. The other woman paid for him to file the divorce with him when I finally said enough. I was grateful since I could have him have to pay my attorney's fees and court costs. However, here it is 3 years later and this man STILL won't grant me a divorce. He has held up this case so many times over the dumbest of things. The last one was over a comic book collection he didn't ever have.
In response to he's not in love with either women
by: Judy

I know it was and is all a power trip for him. Everything was always when it suited him. He even got so annoyed one day when we were not at home when he visited, because he actually expects us to be sitting around waiting on him. If I didn’t answer phone when he would ring, he would be annoyed too as he expect me to answer. My difficulty now is our child. My child is asking me to see his daddy and that he misses him and wants me to bring him to his house. We were at his house a couple of times when the wife wasn’t there and my child remembers… our child is 3.5 years old. I just don’t know what to do as I don’t want to go back to the way it was, with our child’s daddy having all the power and control and visiting for 1 hour a week when it suits him and then leaving the child crying as 1 hour is not long enough when a child wants to play. But his daddy will not apply for access or do things officially.

It is not 3 months since we had any contact or visits and since I stopped texting back. I thought he would at least send a message to say that he is ready to sort things out. But like he said himself back then "I would only see my own kids for 1 hour a week if I told the wife I’m visiting our child". He is not treating his children equally and is putting himself before our child. Should I name and shame him??? As it is only me, my child’s dad, his wife and 1 of my friends know he is the child’s father.

Should I name and shame him as I feel like he has got away with leaving me and my child high and dry. He has not got a care in the world as he continues to play happy families with the wife, buy her a new car, build an extension, continued home improvements. All the while he knows we live in an old mobile home as I had nowhere else to go and he doesn’t care about us. I didn’t name and shame him to date as his kids don’t know, but I hate the fact that him and his wife know and they want us silenced and out of the picture. Although he has being seeing our child since he was born up until 3 months ago until I stopped it. What should I do??
Girl He was not in love with you!
by: JW

That man was not in love with either of you, and keeping up with you has nothing to do with love, but everything to do with power (if it’s even him and not his wife). He is a narcissist and narcissists hate losing the people that they manipulated. The way he dragged his wife though the mud is the same way he dragged your name to her. He probably told her you were crazy too, so please don’t feel like you got the one up for that. You leaving was the way that you won, hopefully she’ll get out too because he probably has another mistress as we speak!
Exactly, if only the wives knew the truth
by: Felicia

If only they knew the real truth. The wives continue to believe their lying husbands. 10 years our affair lasted and would still be continuing, only I stopped texting him back and answering his calls. He is only causing annoyance for me and my baby as he will not put proper visiting arrangements in place in fear of the wife, as she told him if he visits us then he is out and to close the gate behind him. He was seeing us secretly but I’ve had enough of dancing to his tunes.

My child deserves better than meeting him at the back of a church, the side of the road and the back of a retail park. We are not going to be silenced and definitely not going to be his secret, especially as his wife already knows the child exists. But they do not want the public to know and he does not want to wife to know he is seeing us, so that’s why he wants to meet in secret. I’m done with that. My child deserves better. What do you think???
If only you know the truth
by: Girl from L.A

If your husband is having a baby with his mistress LEAVE HIM! Here is my story...I was just a teenager in my cousins party when I met this older man. He pursued me for two years and would drive all the way from Ocean Side, California to Palos Verdes, California which is like a two hour distance. I didn’t know he was married. He was a very good liar. He was stationed in Camp Pendleton California and was a sergeant in the Marine Corps. I never thought he was a cheater and we were together for a long time. He wanted to have a child with me so we tried a couple times but within the first month I was pregnant with my first baby girl. But guess what? At the same time he was trying to have a child with his wife. Obviously we both didn’t know about each other since she lived in Pennsylvania and so did he part time.

I had no clue she even existed. I thought I was the only one and I guess she thought the same. He was planning on naming the girls the same name. This was 10 years ago. The wife is still with him. She’s never found out that he’s been checking up on our daughter from time to time when we both have time, since we both have families. I have no idea why or how the wife is still sticking around? I left him. He begged me to stay. He cried on his knees. All I could offer him was to keep in touch with his daughter.

Of course the wife knows and she’s okay with him having a child with me and she knows about me not knowing they were married, because I gave her so much proof when she asked. The ring he proposed to me with me was taken by him to get cleaned, but later re-gifted it to his wife along with clothes and jewelry, cheap Swarovski crystals bracelets he would buy us. Awful rate by her part but to each their own. Till this day he is still watching my every move. I know because I run a high volume blog and I can easily trace any i.p address back and it always says the small town he’s from in Pennsylvania of course.

I don’t consider myself a mistress because she was okay (I guess) with our relationship. I don’t know why she turned a blind eye. The wife knows everything, like for example our engagement party, to the party’s we would attend, to us fooling around in his car, hotels, back at my place, in the barracks in camp Pendleton, we traveled around city’s and rivers and lakes, we went hiking all the time, he was always sober. He knew what he was doing. He would tell everyone that I was his wife. And when I say everyone it was like he was proud, which is weird how he would always praise me for being smart or kind, he was always over-protective of me. We were like glue. We went everywhere together. Even Jared Leto thought we were a cute couple. Yes Jared Leto from TV....how does he know me? Because we would go to the local stand up show where he would perform once a week in Manhattan Beach, California.

It’s kind of crazy the way he was married with someone else, yet obsessed and madly in love and so attached to me. He spoiled me rotten. I would not recommend you to stay with him. I mean look at me, he’s still attached to me after all these years. He still keeps in contact with me and our daughter. He’s never going to stop loving me and his wife as weird as that sound and she knows it. I know he’s never going to leave her because he told me she’s a crazy drunk with emotional issues. Plus they share a special needs child. He talked too horribly about his wife & would say that it was his sister when all along he was talking about his wife. How he’s scared of her, how she never gets dressed, her yellow hair and bad driving skills, her ability as a mom, her work performance, he would belittle her wife and just b.s that I don’t care for.

And like I’m saying, her husband and I had a life in California without her or me knowing. We even both applied to U.S.C and we both got accepted at the first time because I had just graduated from high school early and he was just encouraged by me to apply, but obviously he ended up not going when he got caught by the wife. When I found out I was devastated because I had just had found out I was pregnant a day before and he left to celebrate with his family that he was going to get deployed. His wife called my phone because he had my under "My Wife@ in Spanish. Long story short she found out, I found out, and her husband denied everything and she begged him to never see me again. I don’t know if she turned a blind eye, but he never stopped talking to me. Even till this day he finds a way to check up on me. And she knew and knows we have a daughter together.

I now am happily married and have a family and career of my own and I’m so happy. He bugs me all the time without her knowledge. Just know that he will never let his mistress/girlfriend go. He’s committed in a way. He won’t go, he’s like a lap dog. He keeps coming back. And I guess he finds comfort knowing he has a secured fake life and then another life. Weird how men can live a double life. If you stay just know you are going to have to put up with his ex-girlfriend all your life. Because not only is there a child involved but he’s still in love with both of us. And that’s something you’ll deal with if you stay. Either way, if you do end up staying just know he will always keep in touch with her without you knowing.
Don’t be dumb!!!
by: Savannah

Any man who cheats should be left by BOTH women! He doesn’t really love either of you because if he did there would be no back and forth! A marriage won’t keep a man and a baby definitely won’t, only a man who wants to be kept will be just that! Why torture yourselves with all of these questions when you probably already have the answers. Hurt him like he hurt you. Think about how you have to put so much thought into where his true intentions lie and let that be your motivation! I wish you all peace and strength.
Response to mistress having a baby by WorkingAbroad
by: Judy

Why do you wives keep your husbands after he has an affair and a baby with his mistress? He has cheated on you, betrayed you, lied to you, was intimate multiple times with another woman - picture the scene. Then he impregnates his mistress. They keep the baby. Of course he is emotionally attached to the mistress and the baby.

Men that have an affair are emotionally attached to the mistress. A lot of men wouldn’t fool around with a woman if he didn’t like her, particularly when it is at the level of having an affair. If it was just physical release he wanted, he could have waited until you came home from overseas from work. But you see, an affair is much more than the the physical act. It’s his escape. He most likely fell in love with mistress. Then you found out and now he’s afraid of losing you, so he plays the victim and wants you to feel sorry for him.

He just doesn’t want to end up on his own. He knows if you keep him, he can still pull at your apron strings and still have his affair, so he will do anything for you to keep him. He is fearful of rejection by you as this is a weakness for a man. They hate being rejected so he will try and get you to keep him. He wasn’t thinking of you when he was in bed with the mistress. He should suffer.

I’m the mistress and this is how my married man reacted with his wife, so no doubt your husband is the same. He even told me he is staying with his wife to play happy families, and mostly for financial reasons as he will only have access to money if he stays where he is. He is afraid of the wife throwing him out so he is doing what she says. But he still can’t stay away from me and our baby. I’ve actually stopped him from seeing our baby for the past 2 months as he won’t put proper arrangements in places because the wife doesn’t want him to see us. So until he mans-up and takes responsibility for his child, he will not be seeing our child any more. There is a 25 year age gap between us and his time is limited with our child and he still puts himself and his own situation before our child. Selfish man that thinks he can just dip in and out of our lives when it suits.

These men are not worth the hassle. I miss him like mad. And my heart breaks for our child, but he can’t continue to see her for 1 hour per week when it suits him, then go back to his first life as if we don’t exist for the rest of the week. Our child misses him too and asks me when is he coming to visit and I can’t answer and I don’t know as he won’t put official arrangements in place. Let me know what you think I should do?? I’ve facilitated his random visits for 4 years but our child is more aware now. That’s why I stopped until something proper is in place, but he won’t compromise in fear of losing his first family. But he expects us to tolerate the way he is treating us.
My husband is having a baby with his mistress
by: WorkingAbroad

We have been married 35 years, and due to my medical condition I couldn't have children. We adopted a little boy and loved him, and still do. He is now 25. He was practically raised by my husband as I am a career woman and worked abroad weekdays. I did this for 25 years.

In the last 5 years our son left home to go to college. My husband started to have an overwhelming desire to have a child, so he met a woman with whom he had a relationship. He has a 4 year old daughter and now a 3 days old son. All this while being married to me. He says he doesn't want to leave me and has no intention to marry the mistress. He is diligently looking after his kids, every day for 3 to 4 hours and comes back home. It’s been like this for 5 years. I am not sure if I should leave him or show compassion to him on his need for children.
Reply to: Covid co worker
by: Judy

Hi, first I would say I’m sorry to hear that this happened. I’m the other woman that had a baby with a married man but he didn’t tell me he was married until it was too late.

Let me tell you, your husband is most likely lying to you. My baby’s father is lying to his wife and as bad and all as I am, I just can’t stand his lies anymore and don’t understand why he can’t tell his wife the truth. I feel like telling her woman to woman. He is emotionally attached to me and has been for 10 years. He continues to pursue me. Don’t get me wrong I love him, but I fell in love with him before I knew he was married. You just can’t fall out of love with him.

But the way he is handing our situation is beyond a joke at this stage. I pretended my baby was someone else’s so his wife wouldn’t kick him out and for the sake of his other kids. The wife knows now and like that he told her lies, saying what we had didn’t mean anything and it was only twice. Lies. It was twice a week for 10 years, phones and texts every day. He is emotionally attached to me and is obsessed with me. It took me 3.5 years to realize this man is not going to change. He isn’t taking responsibility for his new baby which is now 3.5 years old, as his wife apparently doesn’t want him to have any contact with us or to have anything to do with the child. I was different though. I told my boyfriend that the baby wasn’t his and he decided to stick by me and help me.

You seem to be straight enough talking and I know you hate your husband for doing this, but fast forward to where I’m at. My child has to submit photos of her family at preschool, he’s already asking when is daddy coming to see me. (Daddy sneaks away behind wife’s back to see child). No woman is going to deprive her child of seeing their real father... so this will all come out in the wash and it is better to get it sorted out as early as possible for everyone’s sake.

At the moment I am on my own with my 3.5year old as I am no longer with my boyfriend and we are happier than ever without the baby dad in our lives. He just always left the child crying after every visit as he only would spend 1 hour per week. I stopped visits until proper arrangements are put in place. But like that I can see you will turn out like my affair man’s wife... She is constantly checking his phone, ringing him all the time to see where he is, she is checking my Facebook and WhatsApp page for news. She’s in the dark and prolonging a ticking bomb.

For me as the other woman with the child, I just want it sorted out. I’m not hiding or we are not going to be his secret… so no doubt your other woman will be either. If only you were my affair man’s wife, we could sit down and talk about it, as there are children involved and they should be the priority at the end of the day.. But my affair man’s wife doesn’t want anything to do with us. That is not going to help the situation.

Look, don’t feel like it’s the end of the world. It’s not. If you decide to kick him out you will be fine. I was only 27 and on my own with baby and I am fine. You sound older so you will be fine. It just needs to be sorted out and that other man needs to know he’s not the dad. The child will look for his real dad and please don’t deprive the child. I just want proper visit arrangements sorted out and I’m moving on with my life. I love him, but he showed he true colors to me by not having the set to take responsibility.

Bear in mind, they are nurses/doctors. They know full well to be safe. This lady probably planned the baby, as the affair is most likely going on years. Do you really think after working a long shift during covid they would be fit for much... this started long before covid. It probably took covid to realize how much they love each other and she decided to have a baby. Sort the truth out and move one. A leopard doesn’t change his spots. If you keep him, he knows he can cheat again as you are not going to kick him out.

Let me know what you think? My affair man has been with me loads of times since the wife found out about our baby. Just saying. We are passionate about each other and it can’t be helped regardless of what rules the wife lays down. So if I was the wife I would be wishing him well.
Covid Coworker Baby Born
by: AG

You've seen reports of essential workers living in RVs in the driveway to protect their families. My husband works in a hospital, so that has been our family's situation since April. His schedule was eventually changed so he could spend time with me and with our son. After working daily for three weeks, he quarantines for an extra few days in the RV, then comes into the house for the remainder of a two-week break. I used to look forward to those times so much, but now everything has changed.

His colleague just gave birth to his baby. When I saw a suspicious e-mail and confronted him, he didn't deny it. He says he is ashamed. He says he loves me and wants only me. He says the affair with his colleague was strictly physical, and that it started because they were spending so much time together at the hospital, under such stressful circumstances. As they watched patients, and then some of their own colleagues, get terribly sick, he says they both wondered whether they would be next. He couldn't just come home for me to look after him, and she couldn't go home to her husband, so they would comfort each other. Apparently, she held his hand while they were talking in the break room, late one night. Nine months later, he has a new baby by this woman.

I have so many questions, like whether I should believe he still loves me and forgive him, and if not, whether I should try to contact the colleague's husband and warn him that the baby is really my husband's. Yes, the colleague is pretending the baby is her husband's.

Some days, I want to leave with my son, and never see this man again because he ruined our family. I have a sister who could take us in.

Other days I feel sympathy for what he's going through as an essential worker. I want to believe he has no emotional attachment to this woman. If that's the case, shouldn't he at least be willing to transfer to another hospital, so he won't see her?

Thanks for listening and hope everyone is staying safe during these discouraging times.
Hatred and jealous
by: DM

Response to the lost sheep… why can you not accept your half-brother? Why are you blaming him? Your father cheated on your mother. Why is the father not to blame? Your father is playing the victim just like my child’s father who cheated on his wife. He risked losing his family and wife, so he decided to play the victim card. He told the wife nothing but lies, for example that he was only with me twice. The truth is he was with me twice a week for 10 years. I didn’t tell his wife the truth. I have all the truth and I didn’t tell her. Her husband told her that I pursued him. Lies. He pursed me and continues to do so. Fact. He still wants me but won’t leave me alone. He wants to see our baby and he even spoke about a second child. He is nothing but a liar and it would suit him better to come clean about his new child and come up with some arrangements for visiting as opposed to still sneaking behind the wife’s back. Should I tell the wife? She knows about the child but doesn’t want her innocent husband to have anything to do with us. What should I do?? He wants to have it all but on his terms.
Confused.. who’s a lost sheep, the father or the child?
by: DM

Children born outside of a marriage are no longer referred to as illegitimate children… All children are equal. A child is a child. Why are some people so heartless? The man I met didn’t tell me he was married and had a family. We fell in love and subsequently had a child. I then found out he was married and had a family. I’m not forcing my child on his family. I am happy to raise my child on my own. It is the child’s father that’s wants to be in our lives and wants to see the child when he can. The problem is he is seeing the child behind the wife’s back. His wife knows the child exists. They didn’t tell their children. My problem is he won’t put proper arrangements in place to visit the child because if he does, his wife won’t agree to this.

I have never asked the baby’s father for anything. It is him that wants to be in our lives. I can’t handle him or his secretive behavior anymore, as it is not fair on my child as we don’t know when he’s going to visit. My child’s father wants to tell his children and have my child be part of their lives, but the issue is the wife as she won’t agree to this. He said his children would love this child and the cousins would love the child too. We are good people, we are not fighters or haters or any of that. We just fell in love and had a baby.

So tell me, what do I do with the father that wants to be in our lives and have his family too, but is still sneaking behind the wife’s back to visit? Please tell me what do I do? My child has a bond with daddy and they love each other, it’s unreal. In this day and age, marriage is a thing of the past. Nothing lasts forever. I feel sorry for the wife as her husband is still lying to her so he can still see his child. What do I do???
To all mistresses having a baby with a married man
by: Child of a Cheater

I'm so hurt that some women think its ok to destroy another woman's marriage and family just for their own sake. Why do you force your own child on the wife's children and family? Why do you think a married man will love your child more than his own legitimate children? My dad did the same… He fathered a child with a mistress and my brother and I don’t want anything to do with him. He is just as bad as his mother who tried to destroy my parents’ marriage. He has no one in this world. His relatives from his mother’s side don’t want him and WE don’t like him. He is just a lost sheep. So to you mistresses....that’s what 99% of your illegitimate affair children end up like in life.
Response to Sha ho ho
by: Dina M

You are insane for keeping your cheating husband. He is lying to you. Just like all the times he lied to you about his whereabouts when he was actually fooling around with this other female and loving it. Was he really happy and focused on you and his marriage when he was in bed with someone else? ...I don’t think so. You are too afraid to be on your own. I’m the one with the baby that had an affair. The man still wants to see me and the baby, but I eventually woke up and I no longer want him. As for his relationship with baby, he loves this child and wants the child to know his other children, but it’s the wife that is the problem as she will probably divorce him if she knew he was still seeing us. You say he was seeing the child to keep her quiet… Quiet from what? The child isn’t going to be a secret.

In my case, I faced the music and dealt with the consequences of having a baby from an affair. But one sure thing, I am proud of my baby and he is not going to be any man’s dirty little secret. I am happier now than ever before since I ended the affair and contact with this man, but he is still contacting me looking for a relationship. He is so annoyed now I stopped visits with our child. We don’t need him.

Life goes on and you are just leaving your heart to be broken a second time by your cheating husband. He’s not going to change. He needs more fun in his life other than a wife that’s well spun. You’re trying too hard to save your marriage. You should be trying to build self-respect and resilience and you would realize you are worth more than being a slave to your husband... Of course he’s not going to leave you... he’s getting fed, watered, and his clothes washed. Why would he leave when he can have it all and all the extra fun with this other woman under your nose??? You should wake up and get rid of him. I’ll be honest, it took me 3 years to wake up and get rid of mine. Hope it doesn’t take you as long!!!
Sha-ho ho
by: Wanting to Move On

My husband cheated during our engagement. This female always wanted my husband but he never wanted to be with her in a relationship. She got pregnant and thought it would make my husband want her. He told her he didn’t want the baby. SHE chose to have the baby & is now forcing the baby on the family and forcing him to pay child support.

He was somewhat doing things for the child before I found out simply to keep her quiet. Yet, she thinks it is because he was so crazy about the baby. He said he has no bond with the baby & still doesn’t believe the baby is his. She has another man with the same name as my husband as her child’s legal father because her ho self was also married. So she was on her husband when she got pregnant. My husband hates the day he ever laid down with her.

I was hurt that my husband cheated, but angry that he was so sloppy with it and didn’t use protection. All of what we are dealing with now would be avoided. He doesn’t want anything to do with her or the child & resents her, but she continues to blame me for him not seeing the child.

Women choose to keep a baby that a man clearly says he doesn’t want, then forces the baby on the innocent wife and his family. I want nothing to do with any of this. People always talk about the child is innocent. Well my a** is innocent too. I did not ask for this & I do not have to accept it. My husband and I are focused on our marriage. I could care less what anyone opinion is. I’m moving on with my life and happy : )
Abortion is not the answer
by: Judy

Abortion is not the answer to having a child with a married man. Why kill your baby so he can continue to live a care free lifestyle with his wife. In my case he wanted me to have an abortion as "he would have too much to lose" if his family found out. I almost had an abortion. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was influenced by him. I was 24 weeks and so many days pregnant. They wouldn’t terminate my pregnancy as I was too far gone. I was distraught when they told me they wouldn’t do it.

I went to the shop for soda and chocolate and outside the abortion clinic a man was on his knees praying for babies to be saved. I had a second look at him and thought his prayers have been answered and I can and I will have this baby despite the baby daddy wanting rid of it. Baby daddy phoned me to see how it was going. I told him they wouldn’t do it. He said come on home we will get through this, I’m on your side, the baby won’t want for anything.

Our baby is now 3 years old. Happiest child in the world, very pretty and intelligent and is a wee singer. We are living in a mobile home. I’m working full time but can’t get a mortgage as I am parenting alone and don’t have enough income. Baby daddy rings and visits when it suits him. His wife knows the baby exists. She wants me and baby dead. She doesn’t know he visits. I am coping and glad our baby is alive.

Please give the baby up for adoption if you cannot support it yourself. Please do not abort. It’s a horrendous experience that you will regret for the rest of your life. If I had of known what it entailed I wouldn’t have considered it. Limb after limb extracted and dumped in a basin… please don’t do it! Let people think what they want of you for having a baby with married man, because really I don’t care anymore... everyone has skeletons in their closet and they will surface in time.
He shouldn't be forced
by: TT

Just how women have the right to choose to abort without the fathers consent, the father should also have the option to not want it. This is really unfair both ways. But if the mom is keeping the baby on purpose thinking it will make him want her, it is unfair to the child itself for using it for entrapment. Not all mistresses do this, but some do and are just left with a baby and some child support.
I was the (ex) wife
by: Kelsey C

My ex-husband had a child with his mistress, but his best friend assumed the child (she was having an affair with both). I have decided to get a separation. Of course, no husband has a child with someone else when the marriage is good. My marriage was very abusive and I was miserable all the time.

It was very hard in the beginning but it was the best decision in my life. I left the big family home and stability, but I have freedom and self-respect and a spousal maintenance (yes you’re entitled to spousal maintenance and take it). The children are much happier too.

I offered help to the mistress and I wished my children had met their little sister. They would like her. I won’t deprive the little girl of anything. After all, I think a child is more important than a bad marriage. But she stayed with my ex’s best friend.

You have one life to be happy. Nobody can be happy holding onto anger, frustration, and not being fair to a little baby. I think that’s very cruel. Just find yourself a new life and be happy.

I don’t agree with chauvinist argument that blames the mistress. Your husband was pestering her. It was his fault. And how about the cases (several ones) that the woman is married, has an affair and says it is the husband’s child? Besides you can meet someone else that loves and respects you.
Response to mister
by: Response to mister

I feel your pain. I’m the mistress and he got me pregnant... our child is 3. He stayed with wife. Before the wife found out, he told me he was on my side etc. Now he still kisses me and foreplay, but not keen on intimacy in case I get pregnant again. I spent the best 10 years of my life with this guy. He became my best friend and he is the love of my life, but he has mentally and emotionally hurt me. He visits the child when it suits him. He is lying to his wife as she doesn’t know he visits. It’s getting it really hard to get over him, and I don’t think I really can. I believe we met for a reason, I really do think he is the love of my life.

He won’t leave his wife and she won’t kick him out because of the kids and her pride. The public doesn’t know who the father of my child is. His wife doesn’t want anybody to ever find out. I am about to explode trying to raise this child alone, work full time, and keep this secret so he can play happy families. I was keeping it a secret for the sake of his kids. But now his wife knows and they are not cooperating with me, so why should I keep it a secret anymore. I feel like telling the whole world! It doesn’t get any easier, especially when a child is involved. I don’t know what to say to you as I am in the same boat.
I’m the mister.
by: Zeke

So I met an amazing woman and we hit it off, I mean great intimacy, great everything, multiple times a day. Turns out she’s married. But separated. Her husband was a raging alcoholic btw. Physically abusive, wasn’t there for child birth because he was put partying. So we are together for about a year and the whole time I’m asking and questioning her about when the divorce is going to be final. She wanted to marry me, as I did her.

So after the first year she got pregnant with my child. He is 1 year old now. And for the past 3 months she has been like distant and just really cold. No kisses, vague hugs, and no love or intimacy. So I asked her what is going on. She couldn’t give me an answer. She has been really going to church and now she thinks she’s a prophet. So we’re lying in bed every night and I try to make love to her and she stops me and says STOP! "That’s inappropriate." So I say "ok I respect your newfound morals, so when are you going to get divorced?" And that’s when it hit me. I saw that look in her eyes. She said I’m still married… She said she shouldn’t have been there that night we met. And now she has had a spiritual awakening and turned her life to god and told me she couldn’t be with me. I live in her house and now she’s kicking me out. Idk how to feel or what to think. I’m kind of numb at the moment.
Response to child’s point of view
by: Tymberlee

Hi,

I am replying to you as the mistress with the baby and I know that my baby daddy has a wife and 3 kids 12, 14, and 17. I didn’t break down doors to tell his wife etc. That is the baby daddy’s business to do that. He told her, but wants to keep me and the baby a secret and for nobody to find out. They haven’t told their children. On the other hand I am getting tired of my child being treated less favorably; he spends 1 hour a week with my child that his wife doesn’t know about. He lies to her and tells her he is somewhere else. In that time his wife constantly rings him to check up on him. At this stage I am tired of her interrupting our child’s visits when she rings him as he goes outside to take the call to pretend all is normal.

Why should my child miss out on time with her father??

All I know is I hope their children don’t come home to tell them they got some girl pregnant and they are going to abandon the child. Or I hope their daughter doesn’t come home to say her man has abandoned her while she is pregnant. It’s a long road.

Can you not have a relationship with your half siblings? Why are you judging them based on their mother? Me and the baby daddy would like our child to meet his other 3 children at some stage, but the problem is the wife. She won’t tolerate it at all. At the end of the day the children/ adult children can make up their mind when they are old enough if they want a relationship.

My cousins who are 30 & 32 found out 2 years ago they had a half-sister age 14. The 30 year old girl was very angry with her dad that he didn’t tell her much sooner as she felt she missed out on her half-sister growing up. The half-sister then was a bridesmaid at the 30 year old’s wedding and their dad was not at the front table, she put him with the rest of the guests.

I’m saying to you, the adult child that you are not the adult child from the mistress and it’s those children that are at a disadvantage. I know because my child is one of them. I am doing everything to include my child’s father in her life because the bottom line is he is our child’s dad.

It’s not about money or what we have or don’t have. I’ve never asked him for a penny. I’m just asking him for time to spend with our child so they can make memories. That’s all. Where there’s a will there’s a way and where there’s a will there is family. They have a right to inherit and rightly so. He is their dad just as much as he is yours.

Why would you pretend that the other family doesn’t exist? That is what is happening with me, his wife doesn’t want us to exist etc. but why?? Pride, image, money, gossip etc… all those things. You and your mother must be depending on your dad’s income to keep him? I would rather eat blades of grass than tolerate a cheating deceitful man coming home to me every night. It’s tough but great being a lone parent... I don’t need to rely on the baby daddy for anything because life has taught me not to rely on anybody, to be able and willing to fend for yourself! It’s called independence. Anyway, I hope someday you meet your half siblings and maintain contact... don’t let their mother put you off. I’m all for my child meeting theirs and I would think they would want to meet too, but it would be their mother that would warp them and poison them against us. It’s really not up to her, she should stay out of it.
From the child's point of view
by: Cambrea

My dad has a mistress with 3 children still so young (maybe primary school age) while I am over 25. I know this from my mom and she forbad us from letting our dad know that we know he has a mistress and another family. This is because if he did know, he would expect us to be nice to the other family, which I wholeheartedly don't want. But on the other side, I can't disobey or disappoint my dad. Also the mistress is not a nice person. I would say she is cunning and the gold digger type because I met her once before my dad was serious with her. Back then I was still quite young, but I knew instantly I didn't like her.

So we always pretend not to know and are very careful of sharing info with him, afraid he will tell the mistress because they always message back and forth. Info such as how to make his favorite food/cake or meal. I always lied about the ingredients, saying my mom brought it so that my dad wouldn’t ask me where to buy and how to make it because we didn't want to let the mistress obtain this information.


Let me tell you from an adult child’s perspective that this is very stressful, fragile, and sensitive situation to handle as we have to be very alert. My parents are not divorced and live together because it will be very complicated and stressful. I also prefer to never meet the mistress and the children at all so it doesn't complicated my life and they won't try to get into "my family". It is better to pretend to not know anything and ignore one another. Now another problem is family inheritance rights. So yeah thanks for hearing about my messed up family story based on my perspective as the child.
I am the mistress with the baby
by: Tymberlee

My affair man has told the wife that he has cut off all contact with me and that he doesn’t see the baby! He’s telling her lies. He contacts me every day and sees the baby at least once a week. He told her what she wanted to hear to "get through another day". He won’t leave because of financial reasons and they have 3 kids that don’t know about this baby and she won’t kick him out for financial reasons, her pride and the kids.

I don’t know how long he thinks he will get away with this storyline as our child is talking and people will know sooner than later that he’s the daddy. I’m not going to keep this child a secret so his wife can maintain her pride and play happy families. If her husband wants to see his child and vice versa I’m not going to stop him.

Men will just tell you what you want to hear. In my case the affair is continuing and in your case it probably is too. I’m left to raise the child on my own, pay my own bills from my wages etc. And yes it’s tough, but it has made me stronger and more determined as I have no other choice to be independent and not be relying on a cheating husband for money.

I’m even going to start up my own business to support myself and child. I’ve no choice. It’s either sink or swim and you don’t know how strong you are until you are in my situation.
Easy to leave; hard work to stay
by: Kate

I found out my husband had a baby when the child support papers were dropped off by the Sheriff. I said nothing. When I confronted him, he said he was ashamed to tell me. Long story short we have two small kids. I have forgiven him. My heart is broken but I trust in God with all my being. For now I’m staying. It’s easy for people to advise you to leave when they are not going to help with your kids or bills. I accept the baby because it is innocent. My husband has broken all ties and there are no more secrets. If you want a different perspective check out Bob and Audrey Meisner story. Love covers a multitude of sin.
Response to “me too”
by: Tymberlee

I gave him an ultimatum because he was dipping in and out of our child’s life when it suited him. He said he couldn’t see the child on a regular and consistent basis because he was hiding his visits from his wife. He doesn’t want his wife to know he is visiting the child, as she has said to him to close the gate behind him if he sees the child. The ultimatum was only a tester to see how he would react. He broke down and cried and said he wants to see me and the child and not to do this. This man is a retired army Sargent. I don’t know of many that would break down and cry like that.

I’m not a bad woman. I’m actually a really nice person that just met a man. He didn’t tell me for almost 6 months into our relationship that he was married and had children. I was already in love with him and he felt the same.

If I was a bad person, I would have landed our child on his doorstep. I would have told his wife that I was pregnant with his child. I would have told his kids. I would have put pics up of the 3 of us all over Facebook. I would have done all those things. But no I didn’t. I actually put his kids first before myself and my own kid.

His days are numbered meaning he is 55. Our child is 3. He not exactly a spring chicken. Meaning his time is limited with our child for making memories etc.

I did try to end our affair many times, but he keeps pursuing me. It was his suggestion to have another child. For me, I think he is afraid that I will get another man and he would hate to see that. But yes, I do still keep my eye out and do some window shopping. But you know when you find the one and he is the one. Not an ideal situation but that’s the way life goes. Old wine in a new bottle.

So my difficulty is he continues to visit our child when it suits him. There is no visiting schedule set up and he won’t do that either, because if he does the wife will tell him where to go.

Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do?
In response to me too!!
by: Tymberlee

Hi, the man I had a baby with has been married for 25 years and with his wife for 30. His wife initially was in denial about the baby. He continues to lie to the wife and make out that he has no contact with me or the baby. He contacts us every day and sees the baby at least once a week. I used to bring the baby to see him, but I gave up on that as it shouldn’t be up to me to make the effort.

His wife interrogates him and cross exams him about details of the affair. He drip feeds her information to save an argument and to get through to the next day. He won’t leave because he has 3 kids with her (13-17 years old). She won’t kick him out because of her pride and because of people gossiping. She doesn’t want anybody to know about what her husband has done. The tricky bit is that her husband has been in our baby’s life since day 1. They have a relationship built up, I have photos and videos, and our child calls him daddy. His wife has no regard for this baby whatsoever. According to her husband her priority is herself and her family.

I understand that, but her husband is my baby’s father and he wants to be in our lives. I gave him an ultimatum one day and facilitated a farewell with him and the baby and asked him to say goodbye to the baby because his visits are not regular and consistent and he broke down and cried and he couldn’t do it. He wants to be in the child’s life. He is 55, our baby is 3, and I’m 30. He knows his days are numbered.

His wife doesn’t want him to have anything to do with us. Why can she not get over herself and put the needs of all children first??? I have kept this from her for 3 years so her kids’ lives wouldn’t be disturbed. Why is she so bitter to the point she wants us dead. She is taking her anger out on me as her husband told her it was me that pursued him. In fact it was him that pursued me. He told her we only had fooled around twice. It was more like twice a week for 8 years and it’s still continuing.

I’m even considering having another baby with him. I asked him about this and he said 1 more... so I’m happy with that. Our affair isn’t over just because the wife found out. It’s continuing as good as ever! We obviously feel the same way about each other and in this case you can’t help who you fall in love with. So for all you wives out there it’s the 2nd phone that he hides out in the shed , it’s that wake he has to go to, it’s that late meeting he’s at, he even puts on a work uniform to let you know he is working, it’s the football match the kids are playing at when in fact I’m at the match... it’s the FaceTime calls so nothing will show up on a bill... that’s how my affair man is getting away with it...
Me too!!!
by: DK

I honestly for a second thought did I write this and didn’t remember? Been married 25 but together 30. Caught him cheating 3 years ago and said it was harmless. I still couldn’t accept him doing this at the expense of my heart, so finally I moved out. I did all the PI dyi, to only find out I never had anything to go on because he would just gaslight me. But he says he doesn’t want to be married and he doesn’t want a divorce. I finally figured out that I think this kid is his. He says it’s not his. I just can’t believe anything he says. I’m freaking out because I still just can’t believe after not wanting to believe it was happening, but I never thought he would chose her. Still denied it’s his baby. I’m sick!
I had a baby with a married man who was my boss
by: Tymberlee

When I met him 8 years ago he didn’t tell me he was married. I only found out 6 months into our relationship that he was married and that he has 3 kids. At that stage, I already fell in love with him and he felt the same. Long story short, I was very sick 3 years ago and low and behold, I found out after my illness I was 6 months pregnant. I told him. He panicked and suggested abortion. Abortion never crossed my mind. Then we talked about it and he said if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and that he would respect my decision and stick by me either way. I kept the baby.

He didn’t tell the wife. He continued to sneak away and visit me and the baby. It was only this year the wife found a text message from me to him and she asked him what going on. He said that I had a baby and that it might be his. She was in denial for months, and as far as she was concerned he had nothing to do with us. How wrong she was.

Fast forward on another couple of months and she found another message after she thought he had no communication with us at all. So he told her I was looking to know if I wanted his name on the birth certificate or not. Initially he was willing to put it on, but she is adamant his name is not going on it. She doesn’t want anybody to know about his baby. Only the 3 of us know and 1 of my friends. He had said to her what about the baby if he comes looking for me when he is older. She replied to him that in about 6/7 years when the child is old enough hopefully you (as in her husband) will be dead.

Her husband already speaks to our son about his half siblings and cousins and even showed him pictures. I really don’t know what makes her think I am going to cover up for her and her husband and not tell anybody about his son. I haven’t told anybody other than 1 friend for the sake of his 3 kids as I knew he hadn’t told them. They still don’t know. But yet he has no problem talking to our 3 year old about his children.

Please help and advise me what I should do. I haven’t rocked the boat for 3 years for the sake of his kids. But now our child is getting older and calling him daddy and it’s difficult for me to cover up much longer. Please help as I feel I’m up against a brick wall. Please note he is willing to put his name on the birth certificate. I’m 30 and he 55. I also want our son to know his father as life is too short for all the b.s. Please help.
My husband thinks he fathered a child with another woman
by: Tired of being taunted

We've been together 10 years and married 4. My husband had a 4 year relationship with this woman - So essentially, my husband has been cheating on me the entire time we're been married. I just found out a few months ago. I'm completely devastated and finding out was the worst thing that has ever happened to me aside from seeing pictures of the other woman w/my husband naked.

I'm so confused, disappointed, sad, feeling so betrayed and also feel ashamed. We don't have children together, as we agreed that we were done with children. We both have adult children from previous marriages... we were both very young parents. The" No kids" discussion was mutual. We are in our late 40"s and he cheated with a 25 year old woman.

This woman calls me, send me photos of the child and says the child looks just like my husband. This woman taunts me; and says I am old and ugly and that she and my husband make fun of how I look. I know she's immature, she's a kid... but it's still abusive and it hurts. I have decided to give my husband a second chance thinking and hoping this child is not his, as this 25 year old woman is married as well. I have suggested we request a DNA test with the attorney general and take it from there, but my husband does not want to go there as the woman’s husband thinks this child is his. The husband does not know about the cheating. This is a very twisted story and I am so ashamed... just about ready to just call it quits but it's hard. What would you do in my shoes?
Nasty and disrespectful
by: AM

I am going through this exact thing right now!! Any female that would have a baby by a married man is nasty and disrespectful!! Having that baby is only ruining the lives of his already family. Especially if there is already kids in the marriage. Now you are messing with my kid’s happiness and messing up the relationship between them and their father. Anyone who thinks this type of behavior is ok is also f’d up in the head!!
Help me to decide.
by: Natasha

We have been married for about 2 years. I still accept my husband even if he is having a baby with another woman. I thought it would be easier to accept everything at first, but I was wrong. Now seeing the baby growing, it’s breaking my heart. I've been confused for the last few days after seeing a video of the mother of the baby and my husband in a picture frame inside the woman's house. And it hurts because we're apart from each other. I’m in my country now, but because of the pandemic I’m not able to return to the US now. I just don't know if I should divorce him or just accept his apologies and be with him? He might still be in a relationship with that woman. And after I caught him, he keep telling me that he loves me and want to be with me and I’m who he loves. So I’m really confused. Help me decide.
Um...
by: Orange

I am currently pregnant from a man in which he did not disclose his marriage until it was way too late. We were just friends and end up sleeping with each other and BAM I'm 12 weeks pregnant today. How is it our fault if we did not know the man was married, no ring, no nothing. Before we got intimate he stated he did not want any more children. He has a grown child, yet he didn't do anything to prevent a pregnancy. No condom, no pulling out, no nothing and now he is mad I'm pregnant...seriously. How can that be??? Says he won't be involved! Not to mention he wanted me abort my pregnancy! And why would I abort my baby for any man??? It's cool though... When the child support papers flood you and your wife's door step what will be the story then...? Wives you get mad at the other woman, but you should be mad at your lying husband! I'm not to blame for something I didn't know!
Confused
by: PattyH

Hello everyone. I just need answers and honest opinions. I’ve been in a polygamist relationship for the last 6 years and my spouses have been together for 8. Within our relationship we had a break/ separated where I went my way and they left together. During that break the male cheated and got someone pregnant. He stated that the affair was to fill a hole that I left in his heart. Now I have kids of my own which they helped raise. And I see how he treats his biological son compared to my kids, which makes me so jealous. My mind is telling me to leave the relationship and just focus on my kids, but my heart wants to stay and try and work it out. He didn’t really cheat on me, but I feel like he might as well have. Is there someone out there who can give me some advice?
Makes No Sense!
by: TZ

Why are you women staying with men who have babies outside of your marriage? Where is your dignity and self-respect? You act like your husbands are the last men on earth! There is nothing wrong with leaving and starting over - you might be better off! Please take the hint and move on, regardless of how hurt you may be! The main reason why these men do this because they know than get away with it!
To Man with 2 families.
by: Jeri623

Man with 2 families. You are a horrible human being. Your wife and her children will eventually find out your secret and your children will despise you. Karma will catch up with you and your girlfriend and your illegitimate kids you’re a piece of ***profanity removed***!!
Married him after I found out about the child
by: Regrets in TX

My husband and I dated for 7 years before marriage. We had already bought a ring and everything and then during the holidays I saw a walker in my trunk. I asked him what it was and he lied like he was donating it to needy children. He later came clean and told me he had a 2 year old. I still married him and have strong regrets. I don’t think can take this. I don’t want to deal with the child as it brings back so much pain.
Ex Husband got his Mistress Pregnant
by: Sarah

Five years ago, my then husband of 3 1/2 months had an affair with a 23 year old girl at his job. When I confronted her at the place where they worked she said nothing. Later when I contacted her she went on about us being divorced or getting a divorce and I shouted at her that we just got married. I found out via Facebook about their affair. They had tattooed their names on each other a week after I confronted them. She also got pregnant. A month after all that, I filed for divorce after much going back and forth with him for months and him saying he would come back. He never did. When I confronted her about him, she spit in my face and threatened to kill me. I screamed and cried all the way home in the car and was hysterical that he wanted such a wicked woman.

It has been 5 years later and I have learned that they both work in the church and that he is some sort of pastor. I'll tell you this, I don't believe he has changed one bit, as he also killed my dogs when we were together. Let's just say that I am better off that we’re not married to me anymore. The pain was brutal for 3 years! But in the end, I believe that what goes around will come right back at her. At first, I had sympathy for the girl b/c she was young. But the truth is, she had a choice and was told that he was married. She chose to sin and be with the man. It is not like she didn't know he was married. I picked him up every day that he worked. He had a drug problem, schizophrenic, and other issues.

So her dream that he is some fantastic guy is false thinking. She is wife number 4. What will she tell their children about their meeting each other? As a wife whose husband treated her like trash and did the despicable, I will tell you that your heart will hurt for many years and you will not ever get over the hurt and the pain. It will stay with you forever.

I never advocated for divorce previously, but in cases where the husband has a baby with another woman, it is better to divorce them. Your worth is far more important. For those mistresses, who are writing about your sorrow and pain, you deserve what you have gotten as that is the price you pay for your sin. It is better to ask God for forgiveness and change your path.
I had a baby with a married man
by: AW

I'm so hurt and tired of holding everything in... so I went to my baby father's house and told his wife everything about our affair and our 5 month old son. Now he doesn't want anything to do with our baby since then. Oh, and she took him back and says she's pregnant.
My husband had affair and she got pregnant
by: Deb

We were college sweethearts and have been together for 13 years. While I was pregnant with our second child he was having affair. Definitely changes your relationship forever and makes it very hard. Never on earth had I thought my husband would cheat on me. Everyone thought we had the perfect relationship and I did too! We’re still together and working things through.

After a stressful fight we got 50-50 custody at 10 months old. The mistress only cares about money and not the well-being of the child. I only saw the innocent little baby that needs love and care. I accept this child as mine. My goal in my life is to give my kids the best childhood and I’ll try to give my husband a second chance. He's been working really hard to save our relationship. The baby is almost 2 years old and my kids have a great relationship and I love him to death. I will do what I think is best for my kids!! I made that clear to my husband!!!
Why did I stick around?
by: Confused in California

I started seeing a man about 4 years ago. During our first encounter I didn’t know he was a married man, but realized soon after when I saw a picture of him wearing his ring. I saw him a few times after that and each time he wore his ring. It was like he didn’t care that he was cheating on his wife. There was a time when he told me if I ever got pregnant he wouldn’t help me financially and he wouldn’t be around. I don’t know how I ever thought of still meeting him all those times, even after knowing he’s a married man.
Pregnant by a married man
by: WV

I’m currently pregnant by a married man. I don’t get how you wives can be upset that your husbands are cheaters, but you always take his side! In my case he completely lied said he wasn’t married and he never wore a ring. On top of that, he would even bring me to his home (well their home I later found out)!

I was a victim. After being in a relationship with him for many months, I was in love with him and also blind to the fact that he was married! Yet, I was the blame? I don’t feel bad! I feel bad that you guys say "yes" and "I do" to these scum bags in the first place!
Betrayal and forgiveness
by: Jessica

If you accept your husband’s infidelity, then you need to be prepared to accept everything that came with it, even his baby. You would be just as wrong as him if you force him to neglect his child. A baby is innocent and does not deserve to be neglected.

I have been in a relationship for 13 years and my husband had a baby with another women too. But as a mother, I could never set back and watch him love my kids and forget about his other one. Not only that, I don’t think you could even have a healthy relationship because he would think about that other child and possibly go through all types of mood swings because of the guilt he’ll be living with. You have to prepare to handle all of it or none of it.
I was the other woman
by: AlsoDeceived

He told me that he was separated from his wife and living separately while the divorce was being finalized. Our 3-year long relationship began.

Everything was going fine until I found out I was pregnant. At first, he was happy then started telling me to abort it. I didn't want to. He left me after that, yelling that he wasn't divorced from his wife and I was only his mistress for the physical part. I felt so betrayed.

I thought the wife needs to know about this and I got in contact with her. I told her everything even the pregnancy. She told me that they have kids of their own. Damn it. Her husband ruined their marriage and I played a part in it as well.

It's been 7 months and I'm almost ready to give birth. His wife met me once and never wanted to see me again after the baby's birth. I filed for child support and he pays $1000.00.

I don't mind the child support he pays me for my daughter, but I definitely won't call him her father.
Cheater
by: Kimberley

My husband cheated on me when I was training for a job in the military. I’m still married to him because he told me it was a big mistake and he didn't want me to leave and he still loves me. He cheated on me with his ex of 12 years and supposedly had a baby by her. I want him to get a DNA test, but he claims it’s his and I don’t want anything to do with it. I also feel like she would feel entitled because of it. He also tries to blame me for not being there. I have so many emotions going about the situation, it is stressful. I feel like I need someone to talk to because he is not making it any better.
Baby
by: Sophia

I am the other woman who got pregnant with a married man. I comment because his wife took him back. Yet he cheated again and again and I got pregnant again. My son is 7 month now and I have a 2 year old by him, yet she took him back again.

Some things you need to ask yourself:

Can your heart handle it if he does it again?

Will you be OK when he goes to the birth?

Can you trust that when he sees the baby they won’t end up in bed?

These are just some things you need to look at.
What should I do?
by: Maria

My husband told me that he had a baby with another woman 4 months before our wedding date. I decided to marry him, thinking that I would be able to handle the situation because I was happy in my life and thought "out of site out of mind". But I think about it every day and it makes me feel weird. Should he be able to see this kid? Also, I don't want this kid at our house. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Sometimes it’s just how it goes
by: JT

I’m a married man. My wife and I have opposite working hours, we barely see each other, and we’ve drifted a bit. I’ve always been friendly with her mother. We’ve gotten close like best friends and recently we both sensed the physical frustration and ended up making love. It feels so right; she’s there for me, we can talk for hours, and we’ve been taking things really quickly. She’s missed a period, so we think we are expecting. My wife walked in on us fooling around and I’ve since separated and moved in with her mother. I’m so happy. It all just happened so fast; we just get each other and know what we both want, no regrets. I’m happy and it feels good to be with someone who can make me happy and feel special.
Adultery
by: K

I admit I was the same. I cheated with a married man who was married for 20yrs. I was married to my husband for 23 years when I found out I was pregnant with my lover’s triplets. I was so in shock! I knew I had to tell my husband but I didn't want to (he was very angry). When I told the other man I was pregnant with his triplets, he told me he wants no part of the triplet’s life. Then come to find out, he had 4 other babies by different women. I felt so hurt and sickened.

But this has caused so much drama and stress between us. And I know I hurt my husband so badly. The affair was my fault and it caused me and my husband to divorce. We both decided it was the right thing to do because it was adultery.

The other man told me he wanted no part of the triplet’s lives, but my ex-husband is a judge and isn’t going to allow him to get away with anything. I didn't want to ruin his reputation, but everything works out for us because he is willing to stand beside me with these triplets because he knows I need all the help I can get. But I really don't know if I'm going to allow my lover to see his triplets because he wants no part of their life and my ex-husband is going to make sure he pays child support for these babies.
We both cheated
by: LM

I’ve been having an affair on my husband with my boss, who is also married. It started two months ago. It was supposed to only be a physical relationship, considering my husband isn’t good enough but I don’t want to leave him because I love him. It turned into something more. I guess you can say we fell in love. If that’s what you want to call it. We spent every day together, got off of work together, made love, and talked to each other. He is 36 and I’m 21. We both know is wrong, we’ve addressed it, but we are so selfish we can’t stop. Now I believe I’m pregnant and I know it’s going to go downhill from there.
Husband impregnated mistress while I was gone
by: Struggling with fertility

It was the worst day of my life aside from my mom passing away. 13 years of marriage and ups and downs, and yes I left and came back several times. I stayed with family while we talked it out. Finally, I had left for the last time. I came home motivated to love him once and for all. To work it all out. I was ready. The next two weeks were great and I felt myself falling as I had never fallen before. That is until week 3; she sent me an ultrasound showing that she was pregnant by him. She had gotten pregnant while I was gone. She had been my friend for years. My worst day. I couldn't breathe properly for two days. She found out I was gone and went in for the kill. He's responsible too. Does he now have a baby on the way? Yes, he does. I told myself I wouldn't go back and now I'm here with a man who's expecting a child. He says it's my fault for leaving. I've had fertility issues for years so this hurt me even more.
Happy Life After Affair
by: Happy Life After Affair

I too am the wife of a husband who has a child out of wedlock... the reason I am still here is because it is killing her each and every day that I won't leave him, walk away, and give him to her on a silver platter. I am also making him believe that I still love him, want to be married to him and that I want to work it out.

In the meantime, I am having the time of my life watching them both squirm... I'm coming and going, spending his money, working out at the gym, going out with friends, looking like the perfect wife to all. I am enjoying my life while they both suffer. That ladies is called KARMA.
My husband got his mistress pregnant
by: Heather

Hi my husband got his mistress pregnant and she is 24 years old and he is 39 years old. I am 44 years old and we have been married for 17 years and we have 2 kids. I found out on Facebook she was pregnant and I confronted him and he told me that he didn't love me for 7 years. He should have told me 7 years ago because now I'm going to divorce him and it's the weekend, so he is at her home.
RE: Fiancé got mistress pregnant
by: Tori

It’s going to be hard to trust your husband again but whatever decision you make, you have every right to. It would be nice to try and save the relationship but you’re also only a year in and still going to face many doubts because of this incident. Regardless, the child is not at fault (some people seem to forget) and in plain terms, is now part of your husband's life forever. It’s now just up to you whether you are going to stay a part of your husband and the child’s life or not. I wish you the best.

xx time is the best healer xx
Fiancé cheated and got the mistress pregnant
by: JM

I got married a year ago and I found that my husband cheated on me the day after we got married. Then the mistress decided to contact me and tell she was pregnant with my husband's child. And now, I don't even know how to deal with everything. I want my marriage to work but I just don't know how to go about with the child who is now 5 months old.
Not his mistress, but I could have been
by: Ms. T

He was my first. My first love, my first partner, the first guy I ever made love with at 14. I sought him out, I chose him. I fell in love with him & tried to tell him, but he didn't tell me back. I ended up moving, his family ended up moving to the same town, but we were going to different high schools & I was convinced it wouldn't work out, so I broke up with him so he could be with anybody he chose. About a year later, I entered a new relationship with the guy I'm still with now (13 years later). I never loved this guy I'm with in the same way as my first love, but I stayed with him because I believe you shouldn't leave one person for another & relationships should run their course. Shortly after this relationship began, my first called me from Texas & confessed his love for me. I admitted I loved him too, but I couldn't do anything about it because I was in a new relationship. Now we're 29/30 years old & our feelings have never changed. We've talked (& fought) frequently throughout the years, but we always ended up talking again.

He ended up getting married about 5 years ago & having children. I've told him I wouldn't be his mistress but I would be there for him. I've tried many times over to cut contact with him, but there's a void when he's not in my life. He believes I'm his soul mate, & although I don't admit it to him, I believe he might be mine. I've told him I don't want him to leave his wife & children for me, that I refuse to be his mistress, & that as long as he's married, there will be nothing physical between the two of us. I do respect his marital vows & the sanctuary of marriage in general.

The problem is, I sincerely love this man. He's the one that got away. He blames himself for not telling me he loved me back when I told him & I blame myself for breaking up with him back then. He wasn't just some dude I met at a club a week ago. He was my first; the love of my life. I wish he & his wife the best, I really do. But another part of me wants to say the hell with it all & start our life together. Though I wouldn't do this because of how many people it'd hurt, the temptation is there. I know he's always loved me in a way he's never loved another, including his wife. I know this because, throughout the years, we've talked about anything & everything, including his promiscuity & all his girlfriends, etc. But it was always me that he's had to run back to. Even after I've told him we couldn't talk & told him we need to move on; neither of us ever could.

I'm not out to be a home wrecker or anything like that. I just appreciate having him in my life. He brings out the better side of me & tells me he's at his best whenever I'm around. It hurts, tbh. Idk if I qualify as a mistress per se, but I'm definitely the other woman in his life. I'm against infidelity & don't want to be a part of any of that, but it's hard to imagine never kissing him again, or holding his hand, & it's hard to know I won't have his children or become his wife, as a piece of me had always imagined. It hurts to live like this, but it hurts more when he's absent from my life entirely.
Had a baby on me
by: Lonni

I have been with my husband for 17 years and married for 6. We are both 32 and he has just told me that he has a 2-month-old son. We have never had a child and been having issues with having a child. Now he has told me this has changed everything. We had separated because of is drug addiction and were still on and off but didn’t live together. It doesn’t make it ok because we are married. Now that he is in a drug program he decided to confess and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I want to get a divorce but my heart doesn’t right now. And I keep going back and forth with these thoughts since he told me. He confesses he wants his marriage and he wants to come home and do everything in his power to make things work. Everyone is in my head telling me to leave him. I have been praying daily and all night for guidance but I am so hurt and in so much pain. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want everyone to hate me if I chose to try at least. But is that the right thing to do.
Married man lied about being separated and planned a child with his mistress
by: K. P

I was deceived as well by a married man who lied about his marital status, claiming to be separated and going through a divorce. He was supposedly two weeks away from the divorce being finalized when he planned a child with me on fertility treatments. When I was pregnant, he said his divorce was taking longer because of the economy. He is in new home construction and had to protect his business during the downturn.

Come to find out after 9 years (yes 9 years of deceiving two families and manipulating us both) none of it was true. I contacted his wife and she told me they had never been separated and he had never moved out. He was claiming to be living at his uncle’s house.

I spent two years trying to get him to do right by our son. He psychologically and emotionally abused us both. Her verbally as well. Me through isolation, manipulation to stay in the relationship all those years, gaslighting; you name it, this guy did it. He filed for a divorce from his wife. I called and texted his wife and told her of money he was hiding from her so she could get her share since he was cheating her financially in the divorce. His wife was going to hire a forensic accountant to uncover more money he was hiding.

This guy couldn’t stand the thought of splitting all his money with her, so he came after me to terminate his relationship with his 8 year old son (that he saw every day until he got caught in his double life). I wasn’t going to pay an attorney to let him terminate. So he offered to pay my attorney so he could give up his child.

The wife ended up staying with him and is in complete denial of everything he did. She doesn’t believe the fertility treatments even after I told her we could meet up and I would prove to her he planned the child. She disregards all the emotional abuse she told me he did to her. She didn’t want the bank statements I had proving he was hiding money from her. She is in complete denial. I don’t want this man. I’m glad he’s gone but disgusted he could write his child off that he planned (he’s willing to toss our son away like a piece of trash). This was no accidental pregnancy. All for the sake of a dollar.
Why Me?
by: Susan

This is the same exact situation that I'm in, except my husband and I have been together for 19 years and he had a baby with his mistress last October. But my big question is, should he tell me every single thing that she says to him and don't leave anything out? And also, should they meet out somewhere for him to see the baby instead of him going to her house because I think it has caused issues before? And I'm the one that set up the arrangements for all of us to sit down and talk about this situation and how things should be. So what am I supposed to do? I don't like drama, but I don't like being disrespected either or threatened. I have prayed about it is all I can do.
For: Ten years of lies
by: DA

Exposing your husband's infidelity is the only thing to do. He must be called to account.

Your sons and your extended family will be angry at him, not at you. They will appreciate that you stayed faithful even in the face of doubts, doubts which you now know were valid. Only when others become aware of the pain that you are living with can they come forward with sympathy and support.

Keep in mind that your sons and your extended family are likely to find out someday. What if the illegitimate son did a 23AndMe test years from now, and found members of your family through a partial genetic match? What if you were no longer alive to tell your family what your husband did?

You mention that you are Catholic and that you don't want this man by your side. Please seek advice from your local parish priest. Divorce no longer entails leaving the Church, though it does mean abstaining from Holy Communion. It is sad that an unfaithful man can take that away from you, on top of everything else.

No matter what, please stay strong. You will get through this!
Ten years of lies
by: Janae

I just celebrated with all my family and friends our 20th wedding anniversary in February and 4 days ago I found out that my husband has a 10-year-old boy with another woman. This Woman was the one that I found on his phone 12 years ago and he said she was just a colleague and I was supposed to trust him and bla...bla....bla...

Because he was a wonderful Dad for our 2 sons (who at that time were 6 and 3) and I didn't have any proof of cheating, I decided to trust him and continue to build our family. And my husband has been acting as a loving partner ever since.

Now I realize that all those 20 years were a big lie. I really don't know what to do, what to say to my 2 sons (17 & 14 now), and my whole family. Our house has for years been the place where we celebrate everything. They consider us as their roots and have always put us as an example for all those that failed their marriage.

I am a Catholic woman and still convinced that marriage is for life, but I can stand this "BS" and "Big Lie" and for sure I don't want to live with this man by my side. WHAT I CAN DO, WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO GET THRU OUT THIS MESS WITHOUT DISTURBING MY KIDS AND ALL MY FAMILY (28 members that come 3 or 4 times a year to spend all their vacation in our house with all their kids, baptism, 1st communion, anniversary and more)
Re: Just told of mistress' pregnancy
by: Janet

Given the addiction, fornication, and resulting impregnation, it sounds as if there is nothing to save.

Please don't blame yourself. Your only mistake was staying for a year after you stopped loving him. Now you see that it would have been better to leave right away. You would not have had to witness his decline, nor cope with infidelity on top of the alcoholism. Yes, he'd be in a relationship with the mistress, but he'd already be her problem, and no longer yours. The baby, which is innocent of its father's affair and of the concomitant breakdown of its father's marriage, would not be arriving under the cloud of illegitimacy.

If your husband has stopped drinking and can be reasoned with, or if you have any contact at all with the mistress, please urge them to have the baby tested after birth. Fathers who were abusing alcohol prior to the conception can pass on damaged genes.
Mistress pregnancy
by: AF

I’m really sorry that you’ve been unhappy in your marriage. But don’t feel guilty, as all of this is on your husband, not you. Don’t blame the lady either, as he’s clearly emotionally manipulative and she’s just fallen victim. With or without the cheating, it seems like the marriage was going downhill anyway. I don’t encourage divorce, but if you feel like it’s what will make you personally happy, I’d go ahead as infidelity is definitely grounds for divorce. Your kids are grown enough to handle the news, so you wouldn’t have to stay together for them.

Your husband clearly doesn’t appreciate you. As for the mistress, he’s her problem now. When they have issues he will probably resort back to drinking and she’ll regret her decision. If you want to make it work, on the other hand, you could find a way to accept the addition to the family or ask that he keeps that side of the family away from you. Whichever you’re more comfortable with.
Just told of mistress' pregnancy
by: StartingOver@50

Hi all,
My situation is a bit different and I don't know how to handle it.

I neglected but did not cheat on my husband for over a year. This is after many conversations with me explaining to him that his drinking was tearing the family apart. Our 3 kids, ages 17 -27 all felt the stresses of trying to speak to or spend time with their dad. His constant intoxication changed his whole demeanor.

I talked about him getting help, making a compromise for US.... but he said, "No! I'm going to do what I do." So, I gradually stopped showing affection, spending less time with him because if he wasn't at work, he was drinking. We work opposite schedules, so weekends were all we had.

I realized he was using social media in a negative way. Making comments about our personal family business (in my opinion, to gain female sympathy). It worked! He started hiding his phone. Turning it away if he thought I could see, communicating with other women.

Cell phone usage helped confirm the person I narrowed his infidelity down to. I saw their constant interactions on social media, which fell in line with the CONSTANT phone communication. I wondered how either of them kept a job, they were on the phone ALL DAY!! Phone usage confirmed hotels had been contacted on nights he didn't come home. Those same nights, their phone contact was next to none. Uh, because they were together.

Well, it's about 7 months since I really confirmed something was not right. I asked, pleaded and begged for truth. He said, "You weren't worried about me for over a year, why worry now?" He's right! However, I continued to try to be supportive and ask that we get help to save our relationship and the kids.... he CHOSE not to.

Eventually, after some begging, crying and ME taking the blame, we kicked-started intimacy, but he treated me like the afterthought now. I was only good enough for late night... while he still maintained close relations with her.

Winding down this ugly story, after getting in his face, he finally admits she's pregnant. He says he's trying to be "cordial" to avoid any crazy court stuff.... when she has the baby (I don't know how far along she is) he'll take a paternity test. He basically thought if he kept me around long enough until he found out paternity, maybe he wouldn't have to tell me?! And we would just rekindle and move on.

Damn!! Let me add, we are 50 years old. Married for 25 years, and together for 33 yrs.

I know it's not the baby's fault, but I can't accept him having a child with someone else while he and I try to continue on together in our marriage. OUR baby is 17....soon will be off to college. No way can I support THIS... when I tried to support US by asking him to get help.

What would y'all do in this situation?

I'm looking to divorce personally and move on...my life should be BEGINNING at 50... Not starting over!!
@ The Betrayed Wife
by: Nicki E

I am sorry that you're going through this, but how can YOU as a woman go through life with a man that gives your kids attention and YOU know he has another child out here? So when he is out with you and your kids, he will be thinking about his other child. How fair is that to the unborn child, HIM, and YOU? Please don't be a selfish woman. Your husband knew what he was doing and I am sure this was not a one-time thing. Your husband needs to handle his business whether it's financial or being active in this child's life.

Yes, the woman's husband says he wants to raise this child but what if things change? What if this woman, man, or child come knocking on your door years from now... what are you and your husband going to do? Everyone needs to know where they came from. I am sorry to say this to you, but this is not about you. Your husband and this woman cheated and know they need to do what's right because they both seem able and equipped to be parents. You can either accept this or move on.

I am sure your husband's guilt is the reason he "NOW WANTS TO THINK ABOUT AND SAVE HIS FAMILY." He is selfish, and he needs to be a father to all his kids and then later on in life become a husband again. Again, I am so sorry that you’re going through this but remember, husbands and wives are not property, people are not perfect, and we cannot go through life Prideful and selfish. This can really come back to haunt you and your family... your kids too.
Betrayed wife
by: AF

The child would want to know his real dad when he comes of age and regardless of what you think is best for your family, his real dad shouldn’t be put off knowing his son. He doesn’t have to interfere as the dad but it’s only right he’s in the child’s life as a family friend/uncle. The child never asked for any of this so I don’t think it’s right you decide whether his dad should be in his life or not.
The Betrayed Wife
by: Robin

Just found out my Husband had cheated on me with a married woman and now she is pregnant and her husband can't have kids. She and her husband have decided to work on things and he wants to raise this baby as his own. There are SO many questions in my head. Was it a set up since her husband can't have kids? If so, why did she call my husband and let him know she was pregnant and it was his?

My husband wants me and our family. But he feels like a piece of trash if he just lets this man take care of his kid. In my mind, I don't see it as his kid. I have his kids, I raised his kids, and he was there for every part of my pregnancies. The affair child would have no idea who he is. Popping in and out of that child's life would cause a lot of confusion. I feel like this is what a sperm donation is like. The only difference is he actually knows who that sperm is with.

I know we will never forget about this. My husband also feels like he is a piece of trash for not taking care of it, but I feel like it would be better for their family along with mine to cut all ties. I can't stop going back and forth I just need guidance and advice, maybe someone else's thoughts that have been through this before.
@former mistress....what?
by: Jaded

You don’t understand why she won’t give up the father of her kids, yet you were determined to keep your family together? Introspection is a useful tool. His wife should have told him to leave for sure. You could deal with his BS while she could have had a brand new life.
Why are we to blame?
by: Former Mistress

I was a mistress for twenty years. I wouldn't call myself a mistress because we were open with our love affair and he took care of me openly. He didn't care if she knew or not because there was no reason to hide, especially when I started birthing his children. Their children and grandchildren spent time at our home, respected me and acknowledged our relationship. The grandchildren called me granddad's girlfriend. It didn't bother me and I thought it was cute. He eventually moved in with me and stayed with me until he passed away.

She didn't want to divorce him and fought the proceedings because she didn't want to give me her husband. I thought her reason was silly and a bit childish, but to each their own.

We both were at his funeral on the front rows. I sat with his brother, his cousin on his dad's side, her son, and our two daughters. She was angry because I came to honor him in death. Of course I did, I loved him very much. We had an open relationship that everyone knew about, so why would I hide and stick my head in the sand.

Her husband came looking for me (not the opposite) so why are we to blame. He took care of me from day one, purchasing cars, giving me money, paying my bills, etc. He spoiled me emotionally, financially, etc. Her husband was good to me and I fell in love and refused to let him go especially when we began a family together. Whatever reason he came looking for me was between them.

I wouldn't change anything because we were great together.
Please listen
by: Tori

Husbands and wives are not our property. Yes, they state a vow but they are human. No one is perfect, not you, me, or them. So, when you have been cheated on, get some counseling, read the Bible or an uplifting book, and pray. You will feel alone at points but seek a relationship with God and things will work out in your favor. Separate yourself from him and other negative people. Continue to love yourself. I have been cheated on by someone I trusted a lot, I have been betrayed by a man that claimed he loves me. I have been taken advantage of because I was in love with him.... but you know what? I started a relationship with Jesus and my Heavenly Father (I always had a relationship with God I just lost my way) and my life is much easier now. When I find myself lonely or afraid I pray or read a scripture. It helps me a lot. Pinterest app is really good with uplifting quotes and bible verses.

So, cry it out but do not let them tears last longer than life. Talk it out with a really good listener and advisor but don’t hinder on it too long. Give yourself a timeline.... 3, 6, 9, 12, 18, 24 months but don’t become bitter over something you never had any control over.

You will one day find that right man for YOU!!! God will never put anything in our lives we cannot handle. That cheating husband was not supposed to be your husband. Because that man that is supposed to be your husband will never hurt you or betray or disrespect you like that.

For those women that choose to stay with a man that stepped out and have another family... I wish you well, I hope that your mental state is healthy and you are not lying to yourself... You can lie to Tom, Dick, and Harry... but you cannot lie to yourself. That baby or that baby mother is not your responsibility. He and she was not thinking about you when they were funning (I know it’s not a word) so why does he include you now? All the money in the world does not give us peace of mind.... so why do we stay with a broke azz man killing ourselves slowly? Trust me, he will not be with her just as much as he is not with you... but he will miss you. He will feel the pain of not having you and that my Beautiful Women is the best revenge. His seeing you happier than you were when you were with him.

Women, I love you. I need you to love yourselves. Find God, or whatever your spirituality is... seek it. Love God, he will answer our prayers but we cannot come to him selfish, controlling, hateful and aggressive. We have to be patient, have love (even for the man that hurt us plus the woman and baby), have kindness, gentleness, goodness, and peace within ourselves and then.... Mark my word, things will change for the better you.

I love you deeply. I’ve been hurt and wish none of you on either side of the fence was facing this mess but its life. We need to teach these men not break them down but we have to love ourselves first.
Defeated Mistress, Really?!
by: JBK

You had a divorce because of your husband’s infidelity and then had a relationship with a married man with a family and got pregnant by him. And you can't understand why they have nothing to do with you guys? Seriously? What did you expect? This blows my mind. You are in the wrong and the guy who cheated is in the wrong. You've caused devastation, but feel you have the right to hate people? Get therapy. Seriously.
Crystal, I’m really worried about you
by: Jaded

Hey Crystal, I’m really worried about you sweetie. You may have no idea what a fair settlement is because you are hurting. You will get through this! Your sister gets your past and you get to be the sole author and victor of this story. Maybe a therapist can help you not only work through your emotions, but also forge an exit strategy. Indifference is the goal. Even if he doesn’t care, neither will you. Try chumplady.com. That sight has really interesting theories and techniques regarding your questions. If that one is too harsh, there are tons more that will offer support between therapy sessions.

Best Wishes
Jaded
Emotions
by: Crystal

It's encouraging that some of you are stronger and can jump right to the practical side, calling lawyers and such. I am a deeply emotional woman, so I am asking for help with the healing side.

How do you wake up every day, knowing what your husband did to you? How do you forget him? How do you stomach dating new men? Are men even willing to talk to you, after you reveal that you are divorced? If you are lucky enough to start another relationship, how do you keep your new man's eye away from other women?

There's not much for me on the legal front. Because my family has a good impression of my husband from when he and I first met, and because my sister wants to marry him as soon as possible, she has warned me not to contest the divorce. If I ask for assets or spousal support, she will see to it that our family shuts me out completely.

If I accept the uncontested divorce, he says he will give me his old car (he bought her a new one, which she needs to take the baby to doctors' appointments), our bed and dresser (he needed the rest of the furniture to set up his apartment with her), and $400 toward a U-Haul truck and a deposit on a smaller apartment for me. The last month's rent from the deposit I had put down will be used up by November 15, and he told our landlord that that I will vacate by then (he has already moved out).
I'm the other woman as well
by: Emotionally Wrecked

I've been dealing with this man for over six years now. When we first met he informed me that he was married but in the middle of a nasty divorce. I never saw a ring and felt as though he had no reason to lie to me, so I believed him. 2 and a half years later he comes to my house stating that he just came from court and that she (the wife) was trying to take everything from him. About two months after that I found out that I was pregnant with his child and at the same time found out he was still dealing with the wife. I thought we were in a relationship. I asked him if he was going to tell the wife or should I. Being that he lied about everything else, I took it upon myself to tell her woman to woman. The wife got upset with me and blocked me. Now that my son is 3 years old and the dad has been active in his son’s life financially, physically and emotionally. I just recently (about a month ago) found out he has another 1 year old child with another woman. Emotionally I'm a wreck and I can't imagine how the wife feels.
The other woman
by: Elixir

One bad trait about me is I am gullible, but that’s no excuse for my actions and in this situation I am wrong. A newly married man made an advance at me and I didn’t say no. I think it was because I haven’t had much luck with relationships and he made me feel wanted. I have NEVER been with a married man and I surely wasn’t proud of it so a couple weeks later I decided to end it. He begged for me to stay, filled me with stories on how his marriage was a shotgun marriage and if it wasn’t for the baby he would never have gone there. He said he didn’t love her but was planning on trying till he met me and even encouraged the idea of divorce. I was stupid enough to believe it.

I continued seeing him and ended up getting pregnant even after taking the morning after pill. Abortion was out of the question which he tried so hard to pressuring me to do. I felt horrible and told his wife. She then asked me to abort it, which I denied and he stopped talking to me for months because I told her. He decided to come back 5 months later asking if we could work it out and I agreed but within a month he went back to reminding me constantly how he doesn’t want this child and how I’m ruining his life. He also never fails to mention that he and his wife don’t want my child to have his last name and he doesn’t know whether he will take responsibility for the child as he never wanted it.

I have tried to accept him doing the bare minimum because I am at fault in this situation and I know I don’t deserve much and he never fails to remind me. But I find it so unfair that both he and his wife would let the child suffer and be fatherless for mine and his mistakes.

Three weeks to my due date and he has made a final decision to not be a part of the child’s life. I understand the wife disagreeing with any contact between me and him throughout my whole pregnancy, which has taken an emotional toll on me. But no contact with him and his child is completely heartless and irresponsible, using the measly excuse of me ‘forcing’ a child on him.
To Crystal
by: Jaded

Crystal,
Please go see a lawyer right away. There is no telling how much of the marital assets have been moved. You can go to www.chumplady.com. These are people who have endured the worst. Some of them have had enablers just as bad. The judge will probably subtract child support from the divorce settlement. The longer you wait, the smaller your settlement may be. I am definitely not a lawyer, but one can inform you of your rights. Chump nation can help you understand the mind of cheater and how to battle a narcissist. You are an amazon queen. Time to recognize yourself as royalty. Good luck ditching the nitwit honey!
Betrayed by My Own Sister
by: Crystal

Growing up, my younger sister and I were best friends, despite our four-year age difference. Two years ago, I was swept off my feet by an older man. To everyone in my family, my husband was the perfect gentleman, and I was the lucky girl. Perhaps out of misplaced jealousy, my sister Jane quickly turned her attentions to meeting a man of her own. Always the pretty one, she had no shortage of suitors.

We weren't so close anymore, but we would meet every few months. When I invited her to dinner six months ago, I noticed she had gained some weight. This struck me as odd, since she had always looked after herself. As we left the restaurant, she broke down and cried. She confessed she was pregnant. She could not reveal the father, because he was married.

I organized a baby shower. My husband insisted on coming along to shop for our gift. We both liked the idea of a baby carrier, but I was surprised when chose the fanciest, most expensive model in the store. He had never seemed particularly warm toward his sister-in-law. She was, of course, overjoyed when she opened the giant gift box.

As Jane's due date approached, I asked whether she wanted me in the delivery room. She didn't want anybody to see her in pain, but promised to call me right after.

The baby was due on a Monday. Early Sunday morning, my husband got an urgent call from work. He'd been putting in a lot of extra hours. Supposedly, his job was at stake.

That afternoon, I got the happy call from my sister, inviting me to come and meet my baby nephew! She asked that I text her from the hospital lobby before coming up. In my excitement, I forgot, and went straight up to Maternity.

Through the little window in the room door, I saw my husband cuddling with my sister as she held her baby. I flung the door open. My sister exclaimed, "But you were supposed to text from downstairs!" and then burst into tears. My husband stared down at the green linoleum, too much of a coward to make eye contact.

I remember his exact words. He spoke clinically, as if he had memorized the pitch in case he had to give it on the spot. "Well, there really is never a good time to say something like this, but Jane and I have been seeing each other for the past year. It was just a release at first, but at some point we fell in love, and I need to concentrate on being a father now." Realizing he must have started the affair when Jane was just 19 and he was already 30, I shot back, "A father, huh? To the baby? Or to my baby sister?"

Partly because he had already been spending so much time away in the final months (not for work after all), I do not miss my jerk of a husband. I can live without my duplicitous sister. What hurts, though, is my family's response. Relatives are judging. Some blame me for being a "cold fish" who was "not willing to give that amazing man kids". I was only 22 when he married me, so I intended to wait a few years before starting a family.

Sorry for the long message. What I need to hear from other women is whether there is life after infidelity. Can you trust a man ever again? How do you keep him away from younger women?
Two Families
by: Lmao@YourAudacity

Yep...I am finished with this conversation after this as it is clear you will continue down your path. I don’t need any "hopes" from anyone who is deceiving his family. I don’t have a husband but if I did and found out he cheated, he would be kicked to the curb. I do however, know the heartache it causes a family when they think the husband is a good guy when he isn’t. I’m sure you don’t want that tainted image that comes along with your wife and kids knowing their husband and dad is a proud cheater. You can always tell them, "Well at that time, a loss of regular involvement in my children's lives was the only thing that could lead me to start another family, so there!"

You also don’t truly sympathize anyway, or care for anyone’s sadness as you continue your charade, all the while telling other women on here to be patient when you weren’t patient yourself. Why didn’t you continue giving your wife time and flexibility until she came back around? You should have kept communicating no matter what, as you’re telling all these other women to do it. You gave up. You also could have done a trial separation since you’re so against divorce despite your cheating. If that’s not a gigantic "You’re about to lose me!" sign then I don’t know what is. I still have yet to read a woman here stating you helped.

I won’t ask many questions as you tend to ignore and deflect them by stating how you see the sadness or see anger in words, but just for old time’s sake, what does your Church banner say this week? Has it justified cheating? Have you talked to God lately?
Man with two families
by: Jaded

Dude, I'm still married. If my husband cheated, I would be gone. Unless you are telling your wife the whole truth, you are taking her agency. You are not entitled to make unilateral decisions for her. Tell her the truth man. If she knows, then she can make an informed decision. It doesn't take a betrayed spouse to see how badly infidelity can effect somebody.
Jaded, I See Your Sadness
by: Man With Two Families

Jaded, I see the sadness behind your angry words. I am so sorry that your husband had an affair. I hope you have loved ones who are there for you. I also hope you will come to see that not all men run away.

My post from a few days ago wasn't about me. I was expressing empathy for a wife who, neglected by her husband, decided to start a side relationship. There's no "rhetoric", just one key point: when a spouse falls short, it's important to look after one's own needs and still keep some hope for reconciliation.

Divorce as punishment for men who are eager to run away is a false narrative. Though my wife tells me she's never been happier, if she ever does want a divorce, we have a prenuptial agreement that spells out our obligations clearly. If I had a spousal support obligation, I would pay it cheerfully. I would think of it as thanks for the good years.

As for child support, I've explained many times that I love being a part of my children's lives. I'd fight for full custody. If I lost, I would cheerfully pay child support for my children by my wife -- just as I long ago established a trust to provide for my children by my girlfriend (because they lack the legal protections of children born inside wedlock).
At man with two families
by: Jaded

Despite you rhetoric, you are taking your wife's agency away. I hope she finds Chump Lady and divorces your sorry a** with both alimony and child support!! I would love see what happens to you in a divorce! I hope she will find a good man that will take care of the kids. She probably will as soon as she gets rid of you!
Goose/Gander: You and I Have Both Been Hurt by Neglectful Spouses
by: Man with Two Families

"What's good for the gander IS good for the goose", as you said! In different ways, your neglectful husband hurt you and my neglectful wife hurt me. I am glad that you, like I, found a lover who was more attentive.

I have a suggestion and a question.

Though your husband is straying for the moment, try to keep lines of communication open. At some point, he is likely to realize what he is giving up. When my wife realized that she was neglecting me, we were able to rekindle our relationship. Of course, hope for the future does not mean that you should wait around, or put off fulfillment of your own needs in the meantime.

Are you considering having children with your lover? There is always uncertainty about whether a new relationship is spiritual, or merely physical. The journey into parenthood cemented my bond with my girlfriend; we knew that we would be connected for life, no matter what. If your husband doesn't come to his senses soon, I hope that you will know this joy with your new lover.

Whatever happens, please hang in there!
It happens
by: Seen it

Does your husband want to stay married?

Do you feel that the existence of the baby exposes publicly what been going on privately? (Don't put in the wife's face)

What is the relationship like with baby's mama?

Have you set up marital financial safeguards?

Is the baby staying with the girlfriend or will he stay with dad and wife?
Husband had 2 children by mistress
by: Sandra

It is so heartbreaking to read all of your stories. I too know the pain of being betrayed. My husband of 14 years had a 5 or 6 year affair with a woman who has known us both since high school. We have seven children together. My youngest was still-born soon after I learned of the first child he had with this woman. I am convinced it was the stress of what I was going through that caused my son his life and almost cost me mine. I was allowing the child to come to my home when I found out my husband was still sleeping with the woman. I actually babysat the child and did her hair while he was out having unprotected sex with her and got her pregnant again. After the woman attacked me physically, I told him the children would never step foot in my house again and I meant it.

The pain of burying my own child and his betrayal caused me to have a mental breakdown of some sorts. Every time my husband takes time away from me and our 6 kids for those children, I feel the PTSD symptoms return. He has no idea how he has damaged me mentally. I have been dealing with this for 3 years and it is no better. I wish I had just walked away when I first found out. He is also a compulsive gambler and a serial cheater. I don't know if he is still cheating but the damage is done. I want out finally.

I regret losing 3 years of my life to this mess. I genuinely think I will be better off without him but I get stuck in this cycle of trying to get him to see how unfair this all is and keep hoping for a glimmer of understanding from him. He is also very arrogant about the whole thing. He thinks I should just shut up and let him do whatever he feels like he wants to do. The woman never cared about him. She just used him to finance her life so she won't have to work. She is 30 and never had a job, lives with her mother. And he finances the whole thing through child support. Yet I work 40 hours a week and we barely make ends meet due to his financial obligations and gambling habit.

I feel like I am punished for being responsible and trying to make sure my children are cared for. It is too much. I have been depressed for so long. And this is the month my son was born so the pain is always greater. I want out. I wish I would go home today and he has packed his things and decided to leave me. But he enjoys the comfort and security of marriage, just not the commitment.
Same thing
by: Jill

I understand the betrayal and indifference; so sorry for your pain.

I stayed with him. When I found out, "we" requested a DNA test, then filed for 50 percent custody. "She" absolutely freaked out, then she completely vanished, never heard from her again.

But I do wish that I had handed him over to her; they deserved each other. That was 16 years ago when my youngest was two. Now that my youngest is 18, I am finally liberating myself (what a wonderful feeling to be rid of him). My children do not know the circumstances, but they did grow up knowing that something was off. I regret that.
Don’t give third chances!
by: Toni

Hi, just read your article about handling the affair but a baby is too much.... I too learned forgiveness after my husband’s affair (it took me 5 months to get there). He said how sorry he was, then left me two months later for 3 weeks saying he was dragging me down. Unknown to me, he took her away for the weekend... she worked for him and he was the manager (he was flattered that she is 17 years his junior, he’s 52).... complete mid-life crisis he’s had!

After 3 weeks away, he said he couldn’t live without me, he said he’d been at his moms... so I took him back. We went to a Psychotherapist for counseling (she has 40 years’ experience)... we had time away together in March & April. Then in June of last year we went on vacation (he had started texting more by this stage and was becoming obnoxious when I asked who he was texting). I should have realized the signals, because surprise, surprise... the day we got back, his affair partner found our Daughter on Facebook and said... "Me and your father are having a baby in 2 months - deal with it"!

I filed for divorce on the week of my silver wedding in last July, and I’m now 18 months on. It’s been a long road, but I don’t regret giving him a second chance. If he can lie to a counselor with 40 years of experience, he’s a damn good liar. I was with him over 27 years and loved him with all my heart and soul. He’s not happy at all with his affair partner, his baby was born last August and he’s a good dad to her.

I’ve learned to lose the anger - that is such an empowering thing to do for yourself. I wish him well often and I can say I am now at peace. Do I feel sad? Yeah sometimes, but I’m true to myself and he’s still living a lie.

He didn’t want a divorce, but I knew in my heart I had to do it, as I could never trust him again. He had continued to lie to me and our Daughter for 9 months since I first found out about the affair and he promised me it was over. I had to stand back and watch him go back to work with her ... he got her pregnant the first week back at work (after being off sick for 2 months and saying he’d learned his lesson).

I’ve read so many websites for support since I got divorced, things do get better. Time is a good healer and his baby never asked to be born. He asked his affair partner to have an abortion, but she wouldn’t. I only found out about the baby 2 months before she was born... and you know - he was never going to tell us about the baby. He had no intention of leaving us. Just shows what a messed up man he is. His company demoted him (loss of trust and confidence) and I divorced him.

He tells our Daughter, "I’ve lost the most wonderful woman in the world". Ah well! I’ve handled this with as much dignity as I can, but boy it was so raw last year. God bless to all you guys whatever stage of recovery you’re at.
Leave
by: CC

You are beautiful and don't have to put up with this mess. I am going through the same thing and she can have him. He is trash and not capable of being trusted. Love yourself enough to leave because you will never trust him again.
For Kitty - Husband’s decision to take in his child without informing me
by: Ginger

Kitty, I'm so sorry this is happening. You should do what is right for you.

I fear that you have only two choices, both difficult. You can leave, or you can stay and take in the baby. After the mistress' death, I don't think it's realistic to stay with your husband but reject the child. The baby is innocent, and needs a home.

You would be justified in leaving, because your husband committed the worst of betrayals. It's one thing to have an affair, quite another to father an illegitimate child. Also, how can you be sure there aren't, and won't be, other women?

If you still love the man, and can completely forgive him, then you know you have the strength to raise his mistress' baby as your own. Remember, though, that everyone involved will need time to grieve.

You are grieving the man you thought you married. The illegitimate child will be a daily reminder of your husband's dishonest heart.

The baby is adjusting to new caregivers, in a new home. It's likely to cry and be colicky.

Last but not least, for all that the affair was wrong, your husband is grieving his mistress. This part is hard to swallow, but the sadness when an affair ends is real, especially if the couple were close enough to have a baby. How do I know? The second of my three children is not my husband's.

When I was a new mom, I needed a few hours out of the house, so I attended an "open mic" night in my town. My husband hates such events, so he willingly stayed home to take care of our baby. I got the last table in the café. A man came in and asked if he could share. It would have been rude to refuse, because the show was about to begin.

Around that little wooden table with a tea light and a carnation, he and I got to talking. I found myself overcome by a level of desire and passion I had never experienced before and have never experienced since. (I am over 60 now.) Soon, we were holding hands under the table.

I am a feminist and fiercely independent. I was (and still am) deeply in love with my husband. I had a newborn to look after at home. I thought I knew all the wiles of men, too. It's embarrassing for me to admit this to other women, but in his Buick after the café closed, I actually thought to myself, "I want to have a baby with this man." My doctor placed the date of conception as that first night.

I had no choice but to tell my husband the baby was his. I continued to see my lover for two years. He left me for a woman who was older and plainer, but available for marriage. I grieved for three years. Even though my marriage and my family had survived my infidelity, I had barely survived. The worst part was not being able to confide in my husband, who really is my best friend.

What your husband and his mistress did was reprehensible, but she was nevertheless a part of his life, and he will need time to adjust to the loss. Coming back from the fantasy world of an affair to the real world of a marriage is hard.

Good luck and stay strong, Kitty!
What's good for the gander is good for the goose
by: Selene

Both sides@ man with 2 families,

You know what? I'm experiencing the same thing with my husband (soon to be ex, I hope). He cheated and impregnated the other woman and this still happened in spite of me giving my full attention to him along with me having to take care of my 3 children. Nonetheless what is done is done. I cannot turn back the clock.

I didn't shed a tear or stay angry. I got even. I went out and had an affair of my own. Needless to say, the creature that I used to refer as my husband was not happy about it. Funny, considering he used to say that his mistress pays more attention towards him and yet he still refused to let me go. I even told him that I won't take his children away. They are more than free to spend as much time with him as he wants.

I’m not a man-hater, but boy I do really loath hypocritical creatures like my husband. He’s like one of those men who keeps claiming that divorce would likely to bring more harm to the children. And that it would deprive him from being involved with his children's life. The irony is he rarely pays attention to his own kids. And that he feels the need to devote his time for his mistress, so how can he argue that he would be prevented from fulfilling his fatherly duties. Divorce or not, he will still have to divide his time between two families. His mistress and her children with him and my children with him. He can see and spend time with all of his children as much as he wants, but I won't be around anymore. Btw I'm off to my younger lover.
Husband’s decision to take in his child without informing me
by: Kitty

Two years ago, my husband got another woman pregnant. The child is a year and half old now and my husband has been meeting secretly with this woman to see the child. I told him several times I forgave him and I therefore needed to know even how much he is supporting the child.

Last week the woman died on a car accident and I cried and couldn't bear the thought that her children are so young (10 yrs. and 1/2 yrs. from 2 different fathers) and will be without their mother. My husband went to the family’s house and contributed financially towards funeral arrangements. He just made all these decisions without informing me just because he makes more money than I do. 2 days after the funeral he tells me that he wants to take the child in so we raise him. The grandmother will come into town so we can meet with her to make those arrangements that we raise the child.

I'm really not sure if I’m ready to meet the family of the woman who supported their daughter while she was alive to take my husband away from me. What am I going to say to this woman? Will I ever be able to raise that child? Please help I’m in dire need of advice now.
He was lying to both of us
by: Betrayed, lost, & depressed

As I read through all these stories it made me realize that I am not alone. I felt like I was on an island all alone. I hate myself for believing the lies & trusting him. All the same lies that many mistresses heard here, I heard them too. How unhappy he was, about how they were separated, about how they got married young & he didn't really love her, even lying about being married in the beginning.

Then God allowed me to become pregnant with our daughter. Of course he asked me to have an abortion. I have three other children & two of them have a father that is absent. The third has a very active father, but he was a surprise to us both. I couldn't imagine any one of them not being here. So abortion was not an option for me. I made so many excuses for him as to why it was ok for us to be together.

Then one day I woke up & I broke up with him. The guilt was eating me up. I called the wife & I apologized. Of course she didn't give a darn about my apology & she blamed me for her husband cheating. She told me that her husband told her that I wasn’t pregnant & that I was only saying this to get him back. I sent her a pic. My intentions were not to hurt her because God had already shown me how hurt she was. I wanted her to see the type of man she was married to & protecting. He was lying to us both. Of course that only made her hate me more.

I am truly sorry for causing another woman pain. It brings me to tears daily knowing that I have went against what God says but I will have a constant reminder of the pain I caused by continuing this relationship with a married man & having a baby with him. I loved him & I still do, so I believe that our daughter was created out of love & that is the only thing that keeps me from hating anyone. I still pray that someday she does find it in her heart to forgive me because I believe that our kids are family now.

He tries to contact me but I cut that conversation off before he can fill my head with more lies. He still blames me & is not willing to accept responsibility for his actions. I only keep the lines of communication open now because we have a daughter & I will not rob my daughter of having a relationship with her father, even though the situation in which he became her father was not ideal. I trust God & if he allowed this to happen, then I believe that he will turn it around for our good.

Thank you to all the women that told their story here. It took some burden off of my shoulders. I felt so stupid, foolish, & alone for falling for the trickery of the Devil. So God bless you to the wives, the mistresses, the husbands, and the children. May we all find forgiveness in our hearts & have mercy on each other... Remember none of us are perfect but we all are valued. Accept imperfections but don't allow anyone to devalue you. Believe who God says u r...
This is your husband's fault
by: The other woman

To all you women that blame the other woman and not your husband, STOP!!! This is your husband's fault. Stop using "I am the wife" act. You may be the wife but he feel in love with another woman. He gave everything up for that other woman. You deserve more. Stop making excuses for your husband. Stop saying GOD will work it out. What is GOD saying to you? You are not your husband and your husband is not you. GOD will not allow more than you can handle, so why are you siding with a man that cheated on you?

Love yourself. Hold your head high. Learn to not hate him, the other woman, or especially the baby. Express your feelings and move on. The person that is meant for you will not hurt you. He will honor you, but you need to honor yourself first. Just because he is your husband that doesn’t mean that he can disrespect you, mistreat you or degrade you.
Re: Husband got another woman pregnant by Amelia129
by: Chenille

You have every right to not want to have another woman’s' child in your family. Your husband is lying to you. Leave him and protect your child. He will only say what you want to hear. He has given himself willingly to another woman. Trust me. The last people on his mind when he was deliberately with another woman was you and his/your daughter. So why honor him now?
His fling is his best friend.....
by: Elana

I met a guy after separating from my now ex-husband. He was charming and suave and seemed to be everything my husband was not. We started dating in November and things were going well. February rolled around and his out of town girlfriend showed up for Valentine’s Day. He told me about her on the way to dinner that night. We broke up for a while and he said they were over.

Fast forward nine years. I became pregnant and had a son. He proposed and I said yes. After months of planning our wedding I found out that the woman he was supposedly done with had a son also. Her son was exactly 9 months younger than mine. This means he cheated during my postpartum. We broke up for about six months and we worked through it. We married a year later.

The other woman who he claims is just a friend calls and texts several times a day and now he is emotionally abusive towards me. I want out and he doesn't want to leave. I told him to go to her because obviously he loves her. He maintains that he loves me but my love for him has faded.
My husband is having a baby with his mistress...
by: Betrayed

We're married for 6 years. We had no baby because he works on an inter-island ship, so we see each other twice or once a month. I began having suspicions when I saw a Facebook account under his name with their picture, so I confronted my husband and he told me that the girl on the picture is from a club and blackmailing him with those picture. So I believed on my husband’s explanation, but then when my husband came home, the doubt and suspension was confirmed.

I caught my husband talking on the phone and when he saw me, he suddenly drops the call. I felt there was something wrong, so I borrowed his phone and called the number on the dialed list. A girl answered (under a man’s name) and told me my husband told her that we're separated. So I told her I'm the wife and we're not separated, so she dropped the call and sent me pictures that she's pregnant and my husband also is in the picture. So my husband followed me and confessed his affair with the other woman, he told me that he only gave financial assistance with the baby, but it's done once she gives birth.

My world is upside down. I feel anger, betrayed, worthless and I cried all night. My husband asked for forgiveness, but it's not easy for me. But because I love him I forgave him and told him to cut their contacts but he cannot do that because of the baby. I choose to stay in a relationship because I want to save our relationship, but it feels like I’m not happy knowing that he had a baby with his mistress. And even though the girl hurt me so much, she is saying bad comments about me but I’m not putting myself on to her level. I told her no matter what, I’m the wife and she will be a mistress forever. I feel disappointed.

Of all the people, he is the one who stabbed me in the back, the one that I valued and loved for my whole life. I know my rights, but I choose not to use it against them because I know God is watching us and he will help me to survive with the trials in our marriages life. Please give me some advice. I want to save our marriage and overcome these challenges, staying with him even though he has a child with his mistress.
Think hard
by: jmo

Regardless of whether or not you stay with your husband, tell him to leave and give you space. If he goes to his mistress then you have half the confirmation of what his intentions are. He's a sack of s..t that does not need to be around you at this time. How you're still with him is mind boggling.
Husband's mistress had a baby
by: Marilee

My husband’s mistress had a baby a week ago. The mistress has been a friend of ours, coming into our home and going out with us

My husband wants to stay with me. I would like to meet with his mistress (whom I know) to discuss a way forward and to get a feel of how she feels. She refused to answer my calls and I don't know her current address. I know where she works.

Is it a good idea to meet with her alone or should I have my husband present?
Re: Can't Conceive
by: Man with Two Families

If the husband knows before he marries his wife can't conceive, it is wrong for him to have a child with another woman, period. He has accepted that the purpose of the marriage is non-procreative. Hopefully the couple will contract a civil rather than religious marriage. If the couple is Catholic, spiritual advice must be sought, because Canon Law on validity of marriage is riddled with arcane exceptions. Depending on the reason the wife can't conceive, the couple could end up in a marriage that is legally valid but not recognized by the Church.

If the husband finds out after marrying that his wife is barren, he hasn't given up his right to continue his family line. The marriage might be voidable (but not void) from a legal perspective, and it might never have been valid in the eyes of the Church.

Fertility treatments, artificial insemination, and surrogacy are expensive. Most religious groups forbid these man-made interventions. Even when financial and religious constraints don't apply, the chances of successful conception and a healthy baby are far lower than with natural sex.

If the husband wants to stay married but still pass-on his genes, he is left with few options. Obviously, an affair is contrary to religious teachings, which in this situation mandate annulment and remarriage.

If he does opt for a mistress, and she is able to raise a baby independently, informing the wife would only do harm. The purpose of confessing would be to assuage his guilt rather than to benefit her. If, on the other hand, the husband will have visitation rights and financial responsibilities, then the wife must be involved in the decision.

Occasionally, the wife chooses to adopt the child and make it legitimate. The mistress in Fences (a Broadway play that was made into a movie in 2016) dies in childbirth. There is a touching scene in which the husband brings his newborn baby home, sits down on the front steps, cradling it in his arms, and begs his wife to open the door. A big, virile, authoritarian, even chauvinistic man, he is reduced to groveling. He is capable of making a baby but not quite capable of looking after it.
Cheating on me
by: Ann

The same has happen to me with my husband; 22 years married. For 17 years he cheated on me with someone he was having an affair with. 3 years ago, he tells me he is not talking to her anymore. But I don’t believe him because her number pops up on his call log from time to time. I feel he loves her. I tell him to go and be with her, but he won’t leave and he still continues to see her. The twist is she is married. What do I do?
Man with 2 Familes
by: StopBeingADoucheBag

Man with 2 Families,

If you did talk to your wife about your needs numerous times and such and she failed to work on them all the time, then I am sorry. Her not recognizing your needs as valid, especially for years, is not a free pass to neglect a spouse. No one should have to deal with that in a relationship, married or not. I do still hope you were meeting or trying to meet her expectations at least because it would also be unfair to demand your needs are met when you’re not doing the same for her. It is not cool for one person to be continually putting in effort while the other does not care. It’s too stressful and constant rejection takes a toll on one’s self-esteem as you should know.

If this is the case, I still think you should leave her because again, life is too short. I understand the worry for the kids, but I'm sure they are stronger than you think. I would think that they would want both of their parents to be happy.

But as you stated before, things are going well with the wife now. Maybe you should have been the one to be patient? I don’t know the intricate details, if she was going through a really rough time and just wasn’t telling you, if there was some severe depression or what not, but I still wish you just would have left instead of cheating and staying. Maybe some people don't realize what they have until it's gone. I still don’t like that you did/are cheating and not being honest, but we will just have to agree to disagree. On that note, I am no longer interested in continuing this conversation. I hope this post is not viewed as hostile because that is not my intent. Best of luck.
Can't conceive
by: 2xBetrayed

What would you suggest if your husband decides to have a have a baby with a mistress because his wife cannot conceive?
I Tried for a Long Time
by: Man with Two Families

Thank you for your reply, StopBeingA....

I thought it was implicit in the first posts I made several years ago that I didn't go eagerly into an affair. In fact I had many conversations with my wife about the emotional and physical attention that I was missing. She never recognized my needs as valid. I tried for a long time. As you can imagine, a person who was as assertive as she was back then would have refused counseling, couples' retreats, etc. -- and indeed she did refuse. It was only after her refusals that I sought the comfort of a mistress.

To Lmao@YourAudacity:

My hope is that you will someday be able to overcome what I'm sure is tremendous grief at your husband's having taken a mistress. I can sense the anger in your words, and I sympathize. You may criticize me as much as you want here, if this helps you in your own healing journey. (Incidentally, Cynthia's situation was posted several years ago; let's hope that it's been resolved by now.)
To Man with Two Families/StopBeingADoucheBag
by: Lmao@YourAudacity

Dear StopBeingADoucheBag,

Girl give it up. You are talking to someone who will never change. He hasn’t expressed any remorse for his actions and is content lying to his wife as he always is. I would never want my mom, sister, daughter, niece, aunt or any other woman in general to be in the shoes of his wife or his mistress. I hope he doesn’t have any daughters either. He wouldn’t want some loser treating his daughter that way, but it’s okay that he’s treating someone else’s daughters that way as long as he’s happy. He will only be sorry when he is caught and his family finds out who he truly is. I highly doubt he asked his wife if she was happy. He probably has the 1950s mentality that since he brings home the cash, that’s the only thing that should make the wife happy and nothing else should be required of him. If you noticed, in his entire divorce he was more focused on the children themselves and not the wife, but he loves her so much though… until she really gets too old to have children, and then he'll seek someone even younger than his current mistress and feed her all the same lies he fed to the current one to have more kids...

Man with 2,

Lmao again. Really? Out of all the questions you could have answered that were really good and directly related to your situation, you decided to harp on people calling you names and me stating who I decided to address first? Yes, I did say I’d address Cynthia first because she is the one who started this entire post. She was the initial asker, so why would I not address her first? If your feelings are hurt about that then go home and cry to mom and dad, or your mistress. After that, you can ask me if I care, although you probably already know the answer. If you think I’m going to be kind to you and apologize like StopBeingADouchebag, you are mistaken. You are still a coward but you come here and post random messages about duty and honor and what you saw on a church banner. Are you kidding me???

You continue to amaze me. How did you even bring God into this? But since you wanted to go that direction when you’re currently cheating then let’s go… Did He also tell you to cheat? Did you talk to Him before you thought about straying??? If no one else on this Earth could give you guidance, He could have given you guidance. If you did ask, did you give Him enough time to answer and were you really listening?? I asked about time because I know you’re such a fan of it. Maybe God was trying to put a period on your affair in one way or another, but you decided a comma was better. What if the banner quoted Proverbs, "But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself." Would you have stopped to think about your awful actions and confess then, instead of trying to use even the Church to justify you cheating? Just stop it. I’m starting to think that you are just trolling.

Yes psychological abuse is one reason to divorce and that might be exactly what your wife would experience knowing you betrayed her continually, but oh wait, you haven’t told her. Doing so would be a reason for her to rightfully leave you and you might not be able to see your children as often as you could. I wonder whose fault that would be because of cheating. Yours. Why? Because of YOUR actions.

I also don’t care if you sought sympathy or not, you weren’t getting any from me. And why would you need any? You already have what you want. While you’re declaring in your first statement of what doesn’t help relationships, you’re not helping either. Cheating and lying helps relationships? Forgive me as I somehow missed the myriad of posts about women on here thanking you for saving their marriages by allowing their men to cheat because they need variety and whatever else reason they see fit to use. You know, I bet if you had the courage to tell your wife of your actions, you could always feed her the garbage you’ve been posting here, especially the part about how you being a cheater worked out for her benefit, I’m sure she’d understand. I agree with Stop, why would women listen to you when your own marriage is a lie???

Your wife should be the star of this story, not you. It would be her story that has a better chance of moving these women to forgive such heinous actions as yours, not you on here boasting about having two families and telling other women to understand and be flexible, give time and all this other mumbo jumbo. What you’re saying is women shouldn’t get married at all because all their husbands are going to do is cheat. If the husbands are unhappy for one second, they are going to cheat.

Since you want to state things that are certain, I will do so as well:

1. You are still a coward.
2. You are still a cheater.
3. You are also a hypocrite.
4. You are still lying to your wife and children every day.
5. You also could adopt children instead of being a cheater and continuing to have children with a mistress…
6. No matter how much BS you spew, you know deep down you are wrong. If you truly saw nothing wrong with your actions, you would tell your wife instead of making all these excuses about how your affair benefits her.

You keep bringing your children up, as if every single person has been attacking your love for them. Stop redirecting. I don’t know how everyone else feels but I’m disgusted with you because your morals about relationships are awful and for the record I truly hope Karma comes back to bit you!
I was lied to by a Married Man...
by: WW

I've been searching for answers to why these things happen. I was seeing a man for close to a year. From day 1, I was honest about my life, my children, and my past relationships. I expected him to do the same. He told me of his divorce and the reasons they did. He said he'd been divorced over a year and even had another girlfriend before me. We decided to get to know each other better. A few months in, I became pregnant (with an IUD, not on purpose). He didn't seem as excited as I thought but I knew we hadn't dated long so it would take a while. He wanted me to abort it. I told him that was out of the question. He's 40, with no children and his ex-wife and he had infertility issues (this was reason for divorce he claimed). When I was 3 months pregnant, he told me he was actually still married, but separated and the divorce in progress. He was so sorry he didn't tell me sooner and swore there was NO way they would ever reconcile. FF to now I'm 6 months pregnant and he tells me now that he'd been lying the entire time and has been "happily" married since day 1. Never separated, no divorce papers. He told his wife the truth, so he says, and she doesn't want a divorce. Haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. Keep in mind I was under the assumption we were in a real monogamous relationship. He knew my kids, my parents, we talked every day, even took a mini vacay together. I had NO idea she was in the picture. I'm now alone, wondering why he worked so hard for something he was going to drop anyways. There is another side to some of these stories. I actually want their marriage to work. I feel AWFUL for her. I will heal, and unfortunately my daughter will know the truth one day. But I can't imagine the pain after 10 years of marriage she is going through. I am sorry for your hurt as well. I wish these men could be as honest as we are. Good Luck and God bless you.
To: Man with 2 Families
by: StopBeingADoucheBag

Man with Two Families,

While I will admit I am extremely unhappy with what you are doing to your wife and I will apologize for calling you an unsavory name in my last post, my opinion still stands. I agree that this forum is for sharing stories. However, you didn’t decide to share your story until after you already started your affair, and you’re not hurting like these other women are.

Never once did you acknowledge the hurt and pain that they experienced when finding out their husband cheated on them and in some cases impregnated another woman. Maybe some of these women were not ignoring their husbands like your wife was ignoring you. Some of these women on here could have been doing everything they can to keep their husband from straying but they did anyway. What is the excuse for the man cheating at that point? Still needing variety? Maybe you should have come on here and shared your story when you were thinking about cheating and could have received some great advice from women to help your relationship with your wife that prevented you from cheating.

In all your posts, I never read anything about how you tried to work things out with your wife such as counseling, talking to her, reading articles (and as I just stated, posting to this site for advice), none of these things before you decided to just step out. Yes it sucks being ignored and no one should be treated as such (By the way, although being ignored sucks, it doesn’t even compare to the pain of a spouse cheating), but since you never mentioned anything that you tried to do, I can’t respect that lack of trying on your part. As it was also stated, your wife could have also been unhappy and again, I never read anywhere stating you were meeting all her needs, but we all heard that she was ignoring yours as you never hesitated to state. Did you actually ask her if she was happy and not just assume she was before you stepped out? If she did tell you she was unhappy and she told you how to fix it, did you?

I could be wrong, but I’m not sure if any woman on here appreciates your story because a lot of them could be viewing you as just another husband who cheated on his wife, as they have been cheated on. It seems as if you’re validating the actions of the husband and trying to get the ones who were hurt to understand the man’s view, without trying to understand the wife’s view of the indiscretions.

I still don’t understand why a woman should still want to remain with her husband after cheating, but you are holding on to the flexibility and time concept. It seems as if you were the one that was impatient because you sought additional companionship versus continuing to stick it out with your wife.

It was odd to me that you decided to state a slogan from a church. Church people are also big on telling the truth as well. So my question to you is, have you told your wife about the affair you’re currently having? No matter what, in my opinion it’s not fair to her. I don’t know if you’re following the "What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her" idea, but it’s unfair. It’s lying. There are a lot of people who posted very valid statements about your situation. That could also be another reason why women on here are not fond of your story, because you still refuse to tell your wife.

Your wife would probably feel the same way a lot of these women feel (and she would definitely have a right to be beyond mad) and of course you don’t want that as she ‘cannot and will not know’. Some women on here MAY have viewed your situation differently if you could have come on here and stated you told your wife, she was extremely upset, and got over it through ‘flexibility and time,’ and eventually say that she forgave you and is welcoming of your other family, but again, you haven’t told her. You’re not even going through any fallout from your indiscretions. How can other women take your advice when they know that their husband cheated on them, but your wife doesn’t know you’re cheating on her?
Thoughts
by: Man with Two Families

One thing is certain: name-calling, scorn, and opening with an assertion that some people are more important than others doesn't help anyone to have better relationships, which I thought was the whole point of sharing our stories.

I've never sought sympathy. I don't need any. When I first posted, one of my relationships was happy. Now, both are. I joined the discussion because I wanted to explain what men are thinking when we have affairs. That knowledge might help women to keep their men from straying in the first place, and might prevent divorce when affairs do occur.

Without question, divorce is necessary when there is physical or psychological abuse. In most other cases, healing is possible if people try. Divorce leaves both people with a great deal of bitterness. It usually does shut fathers out of day-to-day involvement in their children's lives, even though you might not care about the impact on men. Some of us truly love raising children. At this point, loss of regular involvement in my children's lives is the only thing that could lead me to start another family, so there!

A banner on a church in my neighborhood asks, "Why put a period where God has put a comma?" I say again that flexibility and time are better than divorce.
RE: it’s all about you 2
by: Wow

Really??? I knew there had to be someone on here who would defend this jerk. For your information because you obviously chose to overlook it, he's being busted because he’s CHEATING! I don’t care how many well renowned psychologists worldwide claim men are designed to mate with multiple women. That’s just another excuse to justify men cheating while condemning women if they do the same.

Like Lmao@YourAudacity said, if some men want to sleep aroung then fine, but don’t be one when you’re in a committed relationship. He’s getting his flamed because he entered a MARRIAGE and is currently cheating and lying. Marriage means no cheating and you’re not going to convince me that he didn’t know this going into it. While he’s over here praising the other cheater Dr. Z, at least his women knew about each other. Yet, he’s too much of a pansy to inform his wife AND kids. If he’s so proud of his actions and sees nothing wrong with what he’s doing, they shouldn’t be kept a secret.

I’m glad you think him doing all this stuff, such as taking care of the household and everything else, gives him a free pass. I wouldn’t care if he made 6+ figures and hired maids to take care of the house, it’s still morally wrong. If his wife was failing so horribly while he is so perfect, then he should have divorced her. Life is too short.

While you’re defending his honor, please inform us of how he’s loving the first wife and children on the same basis when he has another family to take care of? He’s not, because his time is now split between two sets of women and children. No matter what you say, he cannot give 100% of himself to both. And even if he can provide for both financially, it doesn’t make up for everything else. What happens if a child from each set just happen to have an important event going on the same day and same time and he is expected to be at the event the entire time? What about if the two women have an event on the same day and same time? What happens when he promises an awesome weekend with the first family, then while lying to visit the second, the other children want the same weekend? Please explain how he looks after the first set on the same basis in an unlimited fashion! He doesn’t. And contrary to what you say, it is limited.

From what I read from his awful posts, he never thought about cheating on his wife until he became unhappy, which means he probably wasn’t fooling around with other women and WASN’T concerned about ‘variety’. All this needing variety stuff didn’t surface until he started cheating, then suddenly him needing variety came into the picture.

You try to encourage him to tell the truth and it’s going to suck so bad…he’s the one that brought this situation on himself! The only people I feel sorry for are his first family. If you read the rest of his dumb posts, you would know that he claims divorce isn’t an option and all this other nonsense. He is certainly not interested in being an honest man, as he states for everyone’s best interest his wife cannot and will not know of his indiscretions.

The entire point of this is if you even think you’re going to cheat, or claim to know you ‘need’ to be with multiple women, then don’t get into a committed relationship unless the other party agrees. It’s not that complicated of a concept.
Dear Texas5 - potential father-in-law
by: Anonymous10

If that were me, I would have minimal contact with this man. I wouldn’t interact with him (or the mistress) unless I absolutely had to. Even then, I would only be saying hi and then going about my day. What he is doing is disgusting and I feel awful for all of you, especially the wife. It wouldn’t matter to me if he was on my side of the family or not, his actions are inexcusable. As you stated, you’re not his child, so you have no obligation to tolerate this kind of betrayal… I agree and disagree. I don’t believe it matters whether you are his child or not, his actions are still inexcusable. Just because someone is family does not mean they get a free pass to do whatever they want in addition to being forgiven immediately (or at all) or actions having to be tolerated…in my opinion. However, you can forgive him if you ever reach that point and even though this isn’t directly affecting you. But just because you forgive him, does not mean you have to talk to him for hours upon hours.

It is sad that you and your fiancé had to find somewhere else to stay because of his decision. I am sorry. It is despicable that the house is set up the same way the wife has hers set up. That’s a slap to the face to her. I’m also sorry you had to quit your job. I think I would have too because I couldn’t stomach continuing to work for someone like that, blasting his affair in everyone’s faces. I wouldn’t want to read that mess either. I am glad you do have less stress and I hope you find an even better job soon if you haven’t already. I believe that karma will come back and bite him so hard, he will more than regret his actions! It may not come when you want it, but trust me, it will come. I’ve seen it before.

I would also say that you are not a bad person for feeling this way. I don’t even know the guy and I hate his actions. I’m not sure if you should stay away from the entire family (unless you mean just the cheater and his mistress). From what I read, the father in law to be is the only one with the awful behavior along with the mistress continuing a relationship with a married man. I think you should stand with your fiancé on the subject especially since you feel the same way. I wouldn’t want anything to do with either of them. To me, that’s saying I’m condoning their behavior and the hurt that they have caused to the wife and the family, including you.

I know this situation sucks, but I would not let it upset you to the point where it’s continually affecting your life. He is clearly continuing with his. I hope the wife finds peace in this massive disaster he has caused and I hope she has support from everyone who cares about her.
Husband got another woman pregnant
by: Amelia129

So I recently found out my husband got another woman pregnant and I don't know what to do. We've been together for 6 years, married for 5, and we have a beautiful 4 year old. He loves me and wants to be with me. The other woman was just a jump off from our separation. The other woman now wants him to leave me to be with her but he doesn't want to be with her. She feels abandoned by my husband, according to her, and doesn't want to keep the baby if my husband decides to stay with me. My husband doesn't want to be the one to tell her to get an abortion and I don't know if I can handle another woman's child in my family. I just don't know what to do. I love and care about my husband and want my family together. My husband doesn't want our family divided either. I just don't know.
My father-in-law had twins with his mistress
by: Texas5

So recently, my father-in-law to be had twins with a girl he barley knows. She is my age, which makes their age difference around 10+ years. He was with his wife since the age of 15 (for 21 years). They have 4 kids together. He let us know when she was around 6 months pregnant. He even attended the gender reveal party without anyone knowing.

Being as I’m not his kid, just the finance of his eldest son, I try to tell myself its none of my business, but being as I lived with them for 3 years and have known them for 7, I can't help but feel betrayed also. Following the news, I spoke to him about asking if he planned to be with this girl for the rest of his life, if he was in love with her. He responded "No, I wouldn't predict it to last long because of the age difference, I just want to handle things on my end for the kids. Which I could respect. About a month after our conversation, I found out that he was buying a house with her. His wife and 2 daughters now stay with her mother and the youngest son stays with his father and his mistress but will soon be moving with his mom.

I'm conflicted on whether to cut ties with this man or not. I’m not his child, so I feel like I have no obligation to tolerate this kind of betrayal. I remember when I first noticed he was going out overnight and coming home at 3am or sometimes not at all. I was told he was with his boys. Being he had always been a family first man I presumed it to be true. When I found out everything I couldn't help to re-think everything. How does this happen! The nights he was out cheating, his wife was home watching Netflix or cleaning his messes! I know because I saw her! I can't begin to fathom how anyone could do harm to a woman so gentle and sweet!

What kills me most is I see on social media (the youngest son who lives with them) that he set up his new house the EXACT same way the house was set up with his wife, which creeps me out so much. He still uses all the furniture him and his wife bought together, since the wife couldn't take it to her mother's. The washer and dryer, the couch, the freaking paintings on the wall. What kind of twilight zone stuff is that! Also, before this happened, we never had food in the house, we would pitch in as much as possible, but supporting 7 people really isn't in a 24 yr. olds budget, so his wife was constantly making cheese and tortillas, or tortillas and eggs just so we'd have something to eat! Now the youngest posts snapchats of a brand new hi-tech fridge with tons of food?

I also recently quit my job as my father-in-law's assistant because the stress was just too great. I now am struggling to find a job, but my stress has went down a great deal as I don't have to hear phone calls from (as he put his mistress's name under) "My baby" or conversations about his new life. But now I must endure photos of the affair babies on his kid’s social media pages, which confuses me greatly! My fiancé wants nothing to do with his dad's new life which I respect. So, being as this man could possibly always be in my life, how should this be handled? I feel like a bad person for carrying around so much hate but I can't help what I feel. I feel like this whole thing is weird and because I don't play a serious role, I should just stay clear of my fiancé's entire family..?
I have a question
by: Hurting in Baton Rouge

So my husband had an affair and this chick knew he was married but still chose to talk with him. I was 8 months pregnant and we had a 1 year old son when he left me to go and stay with her (because we were homeless so this chick just moved him right on in). Now he is at blame too, but I have no respect for women who break up happy homes. Just wait until he gets a divorce then screw him. Anyway, so she ends up getting pregnant and when she named their child she gave the child her last name and then his last name. My thing is, I don't want the child to have his last name at all. Our married name is all we got and I can accept the child, but why does the child have to have his last name? I know I'm wrong for thinking this, but it might not even be his child and yet she can have access to what we have. I need advice.
Cynthia and the Man with 2 Families
by: Lmao@YourAudacity

I’ll address the more important person first.

Cynthia,
I think you should do what you feel is best for you. If you feel like you can work through this with your husband and forgive him, and truly forgive him (not to continually throw the infidelity in his face) then you should stick it out. However, if this cuts too deep for you and you feel like you’ll never be able to trust him again and/or you will be more angry than happy with him, it’s best to leave in my opinion. Take your time and decide what you feel is best for you. Put yourself first.

Man with 2 Families,
No one cares. No one cares why you decided to seek additional companionship. I agree with many of the others here who are not on your side. No matter how many excuses you make, you are still a cheater and a liar. Your low-life mistress should know that a man who can lie to his wife and kids all the time with no problem, shouldn’t be someone she wants to be with.

If you were so unhappy then you should have left. There are thousands of children who still turn out well-adjusted despite their parents being divorced. You are only after your benefit. You are talking like you were the only one suffering so much. How do you know that your wife wasn’t suffering too? Maybe she was unhappy too. Did you ask about HER feelings and needs instead of expecting all women to only care about the needs of the husband??? You are a whiner and this pathetic victim party you’re throwing yourself is now done. Did you really try for your marriage instead of blaming her for everything?

I bet you didn’t see any benefit of divorcing your wife…for you. It seems you want the benefits of single and married life, especially since your married life is so awesome now. Not only did you skip out on forsaking all others, you clearly skipped out on for better or worse. For worse doesn’t mean you get to do what you want and it certainly doesn’t mean start another family, but you did anyway. Either deal with it without cheating or get a divorce.

I bet if your wife even kissed another man, you’d lose your mind, but it’s okay for you to start another family. If she decides she ‘needs’ variety (which you know all about) then you should be all for it, because just like you feel you’re the luckiest man on Earth by having two women, she should also have the option to feel like the luckiest woman on Earth by having you AND another man. If she was neglectful of you, then she was not holding up her vows either and again, you should have left. Your mistress will always be unhappy as long as you’re with your wife, even if she doesn’t show it constantly. But hey, as long as you’re happy right? I would also like to know how you give yourself 100% to 2 families…you can’t.

You try to say that you being a cheater works to your wife’s advantage. That’s laughable. As I said before, no matter the excuses you make, you are still a cheater. If there was a woman on here talking about her having a family outside her husband, then I would call her a cheater and bust her chops too because that’s what it is. You certainly don’t get any difference of opinion from me just because of your gender.

You state that you’re hurt because of the comments. What did you expect? Did you even read other posts from women about the hurt, the betrayal, the anger, and other emotions they felt when the husband that promised to honor their vows has cheated on them? And in some cases impregnated another woman? Did you read about the child’s feelings about the cheating dad and his mistress? Did you read it?!

You’re so concerned about the welfare of your kids from a divorce, but the possibility of finding out that you are a cheating scumbag in addition to your wife choosing to divorce you because of that wouldn’t put them through worse? You think they would even look at you the same way, no matter how controlling she is (Like I said, you’re only after your benefit)? Is it really worth it? I guess so because you made your choice. Are you going to teach your sons how to have 2+ women as well?

And through all of this, it seems as if you want some standing ovation and a parade thrown for you for your despicable actions. You then had the audacity to say that women going through this need to be flexible and understanding. How dare you. I also agree that you don’t need variety. Be honest. You WANT variety. That’s more accurate. You stepped out on your own free will. Are you going to start a 3rd family when your wife starts neglecting you again and things aren’t going well with the mistress? Why would a woman even want to rekindle anything with a cheater anyway who was or is still seeing his mistress?

The phrase sharing is caring does not apply. While you’re lying to your wife about your affair (like the coward you really are), you are taking her choice away to decide if she even wants to remain married to an unfaithful, selfish, manipulative person like you. If you want to have multiple slings, then fine, but don't do it when you're in a committed relationship, especially marriage. But your moral compass no longer exists anyway. I hope both women leave you.
Dear Rekindled with Wife
by: StopBeingADoucheBag

Your situation is disgusting just as much as you are. It is so odd to me that you chose to use the word duty. One of your DUTIES was to remain FAITHFUL to your wife, which you utterly FAILED at. Did you miss the ‘forsaking all others’ part of your vows or did you have that edited out as if that was supposed to give you a free pass anyway? Divorce wasn’t an option? Really? Of course it was. If your wife was such a controlling wretch with the assumption that you talked to her about it numerous times and she refused to change to better the marriage and family, then yes, you should have left her. Why stay where you are unhappy??? Just because some parents’ divorce, doesn’t mean everyone is going to go into a never ending downward spiral.

I’m sure you also feel like the luckiest man in the world. You are selfish. In your entire post, the mistress knows about the wife, but does the wife know about your mistress??? I bet she wouldn’t be happy to find out and you continually lying to her doesn’t make you a good person. You mentioned patience and time…really? Again, did your wife agree to this arrangement? She really agreed to you starting another family for your space and she agreed to be super mom all these years as the trade-off for her space? I doubt it, and if she did then that’s fine, but I doubt it because again, you never mentioned that the wife knows about your mistress.

I’m sure your mistress was angry although she shouldn’t have to be angry or jealous because you shouldn’t have two women anyway! And make no mistake on my part, I have very little sympathy for your mistress who has decided to continue a relationship with a married man. Whether you were up front about your intentions or not, you never should have continued this relationship with the mistress. How do you expect her to feel when you’re continually having children with her and assuring her that since your wife is near not being able to have any more kids, you all can have more children when you two decide because she is young…??? I don’t understand your logic. She’s supposed to be content forever in this situation, playing only by your rules? You can’t say that there’s still no illusion that you’ll leave your wife. You don’t know what the mistress truly harbors or not, so stop it.

I’m also confused about why you think women need to understand that it’s not all the man’s fault? It is YOUR fault because you decided to step out. Somehow you are making yourself the victim and you need to cut it out. Your wife was so mean and controlling, which made you step out in the first place, and the mistress held an imaginary gun to your head and made you act against your will. Wow, yes, I see how it is always the woman’s fault… in case you didn’t catch it, I was being sarcastic on the woman’s fault part. That isn’t to say all women are angels, but don’t make yourself the victim because you could have left your wife and still been able to take care of your children with her. If you were that concerned about her, you could have paid her alimony.

I’m going to say you need to look up the definition of ‘need’. But just in case you won’t, here it is, a need is a requirement (something) because it is essential or very important. Also, don’t speak for all men ‘needing’ variety because not all men are lying, cheating a**holes like you. You don’t need variety. Off the top of my head, here are things that people in general NEED:
1. Food & Water/fluid: If you go long enough without either of these, you will literally die.
2. Oxygen: As if you don’t have it, you will literally die.
3. Immediate medical treatment for: Meningococcal Meningitis, as you could also literally die within a few hours after infection (because it is that serious) if not treated quickly.

I’ll even go less severe. You NEED to eat right and exercise as not doing these things have a high probability of having adverse effects on your body. Not having ‘variety’ of women does not fit in either of these categories to me, therefore, does NOT classify as a need.

Lastly, I hope you don’t have any daughters. If you do, I hope she doesn’t get involved with someone like you, having to share a man because she doesn’t value herself enough to find one who can dedicate himself and give 100% to her and their children (if they have any) only. I really hope she doesn’t come to you crying about her being in a situation your mistress is in with you. But if it does happen, you can always explain to her that it’s not the man’s fault that he decided to take a mistress as he needs time and space, and of course variety…
@ Georgia Peach
by: Are You Kidding

Mrs. Peach, so you divorced your husband, so that he could marry another chick (allegedly so she would NOT be deported, which you know is a crime that you just admitted to). But then you find out that he does really have feeling for this 'wife on paper', and they are intimate with each other, and she get pregnant. Now, she is his wife and if they have a child out of that married union, there is nothing wrong with that.

However, what is wrong is you complaining about it. Girl 'bye' with that BS. You are the fool in all of this. He clearly wanted the relationship with you and him to be over, he did ask for a divorce. That is a clear sign of his intentions. I don't care what excuse he gave; he asked for a divorce, that's all that needs to be said. Move on, and let this go. Hanging on is only going to make things worse for you. Even if he only wanted to have fun with the lady and then come back to you, it doesn't make it right. He still in his heart wanted to be with someone else. When that happens once it will happen all the time.

To spend the rest of your life sharing your husband or partner anytime that they feel, doesn't seem like something a grown woman would what to invest her life on. Why do you think that 'you' are not worth loving? Forget someone else loving you, shouldn't you love yourself first?
Bad blood or Brother's keeper?
by: Mike B

My younger brother is married with 2 children. He has a mistress who becomes pregnant with his child. His wife receives a phone call from the mistress's mother and tells the wife to tell my brother get to hospital delivery room. He and I go watch delivery. His wife wants a divorce and we go to the house so he can pack. After packing, my brother and soon to ex-sister-in-law are saying good-bye in the driveway. I am thinking "is there any way to stop this from happening?" As a last ditch effort to keep them together for their kids’ sake what harm can be done if I interrupt the goodbyes and claim that the new baby is mine not his, that the phone call was meant for me and not my brother? If the lie keeps them together, what will happen between me and my brother and his wife?
@ On the same Boat
by: Miss Tj

Girl, get yourself... your life... your self-esteem... You already know the answer. Do you want a baby so he can leave you? Let him go and life will be much better for you. You can only make yourself unhappy and happy.
On the same boat
by: Joyce J

I guess we all come to group chats like these to be able to vent. I've been married 11 years and about a year ago I found out my husband was cheating on me with his high school sweetheart for over a year. Everyone says "there are signs" when something is wrong. Yet I was too busy working so much to help his family and his business.

He left me and with no money. I had to start from the bottom. Then a few months passed and we somehow ended up together again. But I feel it is because his mistress already has children from different fathers and all he wants is to have a baby with me, then probably throw me out the curb again.

It could be my imagination or a gut feeling to just walk out.... yet I hold back because I really want a baby. Since I'm in my mid-thirties and with all those immature men out there, I feel by the time I have someone else I may not be able to conceive. :( I really don't understand what men want. You have a good wife and just don't like to settle. I don't want to be bitter, but after the affair I just don't feel the same. I'm exhausted emotionally and been having good days and bad days. :(
I was his mistress without knowing
by: Vie

The father of my child was a co-worker. I got involved with him not knowing he was a married man. He told me he wanted a child and got me pregnant and we literally got pregnant by the book. He met my family with the promise of marrying me and I waited for him to introduce me as well.

5 months into my pregnancy he started bringing up abortion, saying we rushed it and need some time to ourselves. I refused to go through with it since it had been a struggle to get pregnant in the 1st place (plus I was 30). Long story short, he sent me to my parents to give birth. He wasn't involved in any way and it was a war to get money from him for the baby's needs.

That's when I started digging and found out about his wife of 8 years and their child (who is 3 months younger than mine). I was shocked, hurt, and extremely pained. He did not even give me the option to choose whether I wanted to be his mistress and become a single mother. I am bitter. His wife has no idea but I'm left to Mother his daughter on my own. I seems like he just came into my life to ruin me.

Sometimes it's not the other woman at fault; she was lied to in ways you can't imagine, her life is in total ruin and the child's too. I do not however support women who knowingly get involved with a married man (that there is downright wrong). I love my daughter to bits but it’s sad she will grow up without a father. I don't want him to be part of our lives because he is poison and I HATE him with all my heart. Sometimes I want to tell his wife but I won't. Secrets always have a way of coming out and he will be exposed but not by me. I’m definitely not his last.
Having a GF and a wife is not okay.
by: Michaela

Some of these posts are disturbing to read.

Personally I think these men selfish jerks; wanting to keep their wife and girlfriend/mistress. Don't hand me some BS about loving them both. You can make 1000 excuses, you're still a cheat and liar.

Did you think of your wife or children (if you have them) before you decided to hop into bed with someone else? Did you think of the example you are setting for your children? How this might feel to them? I doubt it...

It's a cowardly and selfish thing to do to someone you say you "love". It shows you have zero respect for yourself and your "marriage".

Sickening...
He cheated and now she's pregnant
by: ew

I have been married 9 years and my husband was the best thing that's happened to me. Well two weeks ago I found out he cheated on me and this woman is now expecting his first child. His first boy. We decided to make it work, but I don't know how I feel. One day I wake up and I'm happy, the next day I want a kill him. She knew he was married. Now they have been dealing with each other for 4 years non-stop.

On top of that, he moved her closer to where we live. Crazy right? I'm so stuck for words and numbed. I have been trying to conceive for 7 years and he goes and gets this girl pregnant. Sometimes I think isn’t even worth me trying to make this work.
She popped up when our marriage was on the Rocks
by: Hurt and torn

I’ve been married 25 years with 2 sons and we’ve had major issues in our marriage. We were going thru a rough time because he had been emotionally and financially abusive.

In March his so called daughter was giving birth to his grandchild.... that’s when it exploded in my face that all those years I never knew he had a daughter. I was told it’s not mine and not my grandchild, but he threw her in my sons face without any concern over the fact that they needed to absorb the fact of a sister.

I was hurt. She’s 25 years old and his parents are always with her and alienating me and my sons... I’ve repeatedly ask for a DNA test. He refuses and his parents say if it comes back negative that they are still going to treat her like family... I’m clueless of what to do and seriously need help. The daughter used his parents to help drive a wedge. WHAT CAN I DO TO SEE IF SHE’S REALLY HIS?
Re: Husband threatened to leave...
by: Kortney

Admittedly this must feel terrible, but you have only two choices: to leave, or to accept that your husband will see other women. You can't question another person's conclusion that he's not emotionally fulfilled, any more than another person could question your conclusion that you are devastated. Human emotions are as they are.

Now, if he will gain the right to see others, so should you. Also, it goes without saying that any extra-marital relations should be conducted out of view of the children, who are too young to understand all of this. (I suppose though, that in a divorce they would have to understand, as they would probably stay part-time with their father and his girlfriend.)

One worthwhile option is relationship counseling. If he's not willing, or if he doesn't participate sincerely, you could also seek support from an individual counselor. Look for a certified Marriage and Family Therapist, or the equivalent in your state.

Good luck, and my thoughts are with you and your family.
Husband threatened to leave me if I don’t allow him to have a mistress
by: b

Hi,
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married 2 years. We have 2 boys, 6 and 10 years old. He recently said that he would leave me as he is not emotionally fulfilled in our Marriage. He would leave if I don't allow him to have a mistress.

Shocking, I know right?

I love him to death as he was my first love. I am only 30 years old, he is 43 years. This is however his second marriage. I discovered recently that he's been in contact with old school girlfriends / friends. The contact between them is very intense.

He tells me that he loves me, but how can you say you love someone and do this to them? He firmly believes he would be a better husband and father if he is "free". The whole idea of him having a mistress makes me sick. This is not the example I want of a man for my 2 boys.

Please help me...I don't know what to do/think/ or say. I am broken.
Pregnant and Alone
by: All Alone in FL

I was in a relationship with someone for 15 years. We didn't live together because we have kids and both of us were burned from previous marriages and decided that after our kids were off to college we would see where we stood. We have always spoken on the phone, seen each other or texted each other in all the 15 years. Until recently.

I found out he had a "roommate" and it turned out that he married her a month ago. When I found out a week and a half after they were married (mind you I still was seeing him nightly) and he denied he got married at first. Then finally admitted it. Told me he hated her, it was a mistake that he wishes he could not be married and it was me he realized he was in love with.

Meanwhile, when I found out he got married, I was already 9 weeks pregnant. Yes, he did know. And he married her anyway. Since then he wanted to keep being with me and I finally couldn't stand the thought of being his mistress and I told the wife about us. Now he hates me, never wants to speak to me again, has called me from his wife’s phone to make sure I know he will never come back.

I feel horrible that I ended up the bad guy in this situation. She wants to make a go of their marriage because they have too much invested in their lives together. And they both have told me that they want nothing to do with this child. All alone and trying to move on. Hope it’s the right thing to do.
Please Read! My husband is having a baby with his mistress & More
by: Georgia Peach

I met my husband the week after high school and we have been together ever since. He was my first real boyfriend. He is the only man I have ever been with. Got married at 20 and I trusted him with my life. We have NO KIDS. We have been trying but nothing, Did IVF and it failed 2 times 4 years ago (14 years into our marriage).

He started hanging out with friends I did not know and didn’t want me to hang out with them. His patterns changed where he would come home later than before, always going out with the boys. I complained, but didn’t stop him because I trusted him and figured he was with the boys. It changed to him hanging out at one of the friend’s house a lot. I complained and he complained back, saying the boys are watching movies, playing cards, etc., so I left it alone.

I later found out that this friend had a sister with 3 kids, who lived with him and the mother. I confronted that situation and he said she is just like a little cousin. I had nothing to worry about with him visiting their house, they know he is married. Two years ago the sister was getting deported back to her country and he asked me for a favor to divorce him (only on paper, so he could marry her to stay in the country). He swore to me nothing was going on, he just wanted to help the family. So I believed him and we did an uncontested divorce so that she would not get deported.

Last year in November I found out that he has been cheating on me with the girl who is like a little cousin for 3 years. She is madly in love with him and has plastered pics of them all over FB. I was devastated and thought about leaving. He swore how he loves me and it was just a physical relationship with her, no love. We went to counseling and decided to try to make it work.

In April of this year, I felt like something was still going on, so I put a tape recorder in his car and heard conversations between them. He lied and twisted as much as he could. Then a month later he fessed up that he has still been having an affair with her and now he got her pregnant. So now she is having his baby and they are legally married on paper. She is having his first child and it’s a boy! We have no children together.

I’m ANGRY & HURT. He doesn’t want to go live with her. He is still living in our house with me. We are in separate rooms and not being intimate. He says as soon as she gets the green card he wants to divorce her and remarry me as planned. I want to leave, but it’s hard because I love him and am struggling. He keeps telling me that he loves me and is sorry. I feel like I can’t trust him ever again because of the lies, betrayal, and cheating with the same person for 4 years. Now they are going to have a child. PLEASE HELP!!!!
Hoping the best
by: lovemoon

Hoping the best for you all.
You and YOUR HUSBAND
by: Miss Tj

You need to wipe your face and move on... None of this is new. YOUR HUSBAND was a cheat before you said I do, and will continue to be a cheat. You will never change him. He will change for himself. Maybe you are not the woman for him... maybe he is not the man for you. Women, we need to be with our equally yoked partner... not with the man who ask us to marry him... not with our long term partner... not with him because of the kids... not with him because he has a lot of money. We need to love ourselves. Stop lying to ourselves. AND get a hold of ourselves.
He wanted me to wait to have kids
by: So Lost

My husband and I have been married for 9 months. We were together for 8 years and I’ve lived with him and taken care of his children for four years. He has custody of them since their mother was a drug addict. I knew we were having a hard time with him working so much and me being a stay at home mom.

Well he went out a couple months ago with some friends and the next thing you know, he stops coming home every night. He always came home! He was cheating on me and today he told me she's pregnant! I was so upset but all I did was cry. He had been texting and calling saying he missed me and loved me. He said he wants to come home, but now is confused about his responsibility for this kid. (Who knows if it's his?) We had fooled around today and a couple times before I found this out too! I don't know if he’s trying to get the best of both worlds or if he'll just come home!

He kissed me goodbye tonight and said he'd be back in the morning. I'm so lost. I’m praying to God he has a big long conversation with her and they part ways. I had been praying for his return for 2 months. When my husband left he jokingly told me to kiss his ring (was our inside joke before) and it was never coming off! I still feel sick to my stomach that he got this lady pregnant. He had been telling me to wait until we had a better income. I just hate that all the other ladies get kids with him.
l am having a child with a married man
by: Samantha25

I have been dating this guy for 8 years and found out he is married when l was 2 weeks pregnant. It was never my wish to date a married man. But now l am so hurt and attached to him it’s not easy to let go.
Been there
by: Carmen

I was married for 24 years. Found out that my now ex husband was having an affair for 8 years with the woman who worked for him. And that they had a daughter. He lied about it to everyone, including his family and my sons. He denied in his deposition that the child was his. As soon as the divorce was final, he started telling everyone that he had a seven year old daughter. He and his "mistress" are still together. She must enjoy his lies.

Me, my best revenge is to lead a beautiful life, free from nonsense, drama, and most of all, a deceitful liar.

There is life after horrible occurrences like this. You just have to dig deep into yourself. I am living proof.
Mistress aren't at fault every time
by: Duped

I met my bf at work and he would send his daughter money overseas every week. According to him, he wasn't with her mom. We started dating and a couple of weeks later and he asked me to move in since I still lived with my parents. We were fine for 2 yrs. when OUT OF NO WHERE his wife ends up coming to the states. He swore he was just going to help her get settled since it was just the two of them (his daughter and her mom) and they didn't know English and blah, blah. Dumb of me, I fell for it and I stayed with him.

The next thing you know he moved out. That was when I should have cut ALL ties, but I didn’t. He swore and swore he wanted to be with me, but yet a couple of months later she gets pregnant. I left. Once again his lies bought me back. Last year I find out I was pregnant and I decided to keep the baby, but we broke up and I moved to another state. Right before I had my son I found out she was pregnant also and only weeks away from me. He still begged and begged and we "tried" to work it out for my son as a long distance relationship even though his wife was there. If I had known he was married to begin with, I would have never gotten involved with him at all!! But I found out too late and by then it was too hard to leave.

I wish the first time I would have left and I wouldn't have been going thru this. Mistress are not always at fault. I've always seen it as he was the one married this whole time. I was single, so the only one at fault here is him. Almost 9 yrs. later we have a 17 month old baby. He has met his brothers and sisters, but I wish I wasn't in this situation, especially putting kids in this situation when there is no reason for them to hurt. When men are liars, they will lie to get anything they want.
# The Other Woman
by: T.

You weren't too young to fool around with a married man. You weren't too young to use protection. You aren't too young to go it alone. Did it ever dawn on you that if a man is CHEATING on his wife, that he is a liar and he wasn't telling you the truth about anything???? Lesson learned and sad that your child has to pay the price for you having an affair with a married man.
My husband is having a child with his mistress
by: from S.A :/

I know it's hard to accept it but I have to for the sake of the child who doesn't know a thing. It hurts me because my child and the mistress’ child are just a few weeks apart. It’s not easy for me, but I love my husband, even though he betrayed me and fooled around with his "friend" the mistress. She tried to separate us by trapping him with a child, but he has chosen to stay with me . . . Apparently before getting married he knew that the mistress was pregnant, then he went on with our marriage and that made the mistress more bitter. But I'm confused; why he chose me and not his mistress and why he doesn't want to see her anymore? What if he does that to me? His decision doesn't make me superior. Please advise!
Question For Dr Zivago Wannabe
by: JustWow

Do you need a wheel barrel to carry all that BS around or do you just sling a sack over your shoulder?
Re: doctor z[h]ivago
by: Man with Two Families

If I stopped being physically and emotionally available to my wife (as she did, to me), then I couldn't blame her for starting another relationship. You need to read my earlier posts, which explain why I sought the love and companionship of a girlfriend in the first place.
POS DEFINITION
by: SJ

@ Two Sides...You know about your wife and your adulterer loving girlfriend....Your adulterer loving girlfriend knows about you and your wife....Notice anything missing here? How sad that these children have a POS for a sperm donor.
help me
by: cancan

My husband of a year had an affair and is now fathering triplets with his much older mistress. We had been together 7 years, but have been friends for ten. He decided that he wanted to separate and handle the situation with the kids and baby mama on his own because he did not want me to have to go through that. He says he doesn’t want to be separated from me, but he has to so that I can heal and then decide if I want to be a part of that life. He also told me to get a taste of the single life and work on myself so I can be prepared for step mother hood when I’m ready.

I’m only 24. He says it’s not that he doesn’t want to be with me or love me, but it’s the right thing to do. I found out that I cannot have kids, so he says it hurts him even more for me to stay with him because of what he’s done. I’m upset because he took the option to decide away from me by separating from me without my opinion. He says it’s the right thing, not what he wants, but it’s what needs to be done. I feel abandoned by my husband, this can’t be love.

I was willing to try to make it work despite everything because I can’t have kids and they would have been almost like mine. But he says I would have more pain than joy. I’ve been in heartbreak over a month now. What should I say to him… or not say to him. What should I do or not do? Should I believe him and be separated for more than a year? Should I just walk away? Someone help, because he’s not hearing my side. He says I only want to stay because of love and sometimes love doesn’t mean you should stay, especially after his betrayal. But shouldn’t that have been my choice... not his? Can he actually be doing this because he really does love me enough to want me to be "happy"?
Unmarried Woman
by: Awake in PA

To all of you who choose to stay with a man who cheats and lies... it is time to wake up. He will not change. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Don't divorce him with the intention on taking everything from him. Build your life. Just because he was the one you married, doesn't mean that is who you are supposed to be with. Sometimes we as humans marry for the wrong reasons and we think Love will come later. Trust me... it will not.

So Love yourself, because when you do, you will find true love. Remember, Love is Patient, Love is Kind, and Love never fails. So if your husband had a child outside of your marriage, this was not the beginning... This was the wakeup call for you to move on. Sometimes bigger things happen because we choose to ignore the smaller things. It's not the end of the world so don't beat yourself or the other person up. We all play our parts.
Lose / Lose Situation
by: The other woman

Being young and dumb, I entered into an intimate relationship with a married man. I was 24yrs old at the time and figured he was going to cheat, if not with me then with someone else, so I continued to see him as I pleased. I was not looking for a relationship and had just broken from a past relationship. I sought out happiness and peace in the moments we were together. I knew I never wanted anything more and eventually wanted to find a relationship with someone that meant more. He always told me how his marriage was dead and they never slept with each other. He told me he had a vasectomy, only to find out a year later that I was pregnant. I deal with the consequences of my actions now. I'm embarrassed, ashamed and currently raising our child alone.

He tells me he has told his wife, but for so many reasons I don't believe him. He refuses to do a lot for my daughter because he's married, but I think it has more to do with the fact he's hiding my daughter from his wife. After spending 3 days in the hospital alone with my daughter after she fell ill, I'm sitting outside of his wife's job wondering if I should say something or not! I don't want him anymore. I just want my daughter to have a father and I'm just hoping somehow she'll eventually come around and be his voice of reason. I'm only 25 and he 55 I'm too young to do this alone! I'm very sorry for everyone involved because everyone ends up hurt.
He got a woman pregnant while we were separated
by: Gina S

Think I need to wake up. While we were separated, he cheated on me. Now my husband is about to have another baby real soon by the same woman he once cheated on me with. On top of that, he is dealing with a lot of other women. Guess I’m stupid for believing anything he says.
Messy Situation
by: ZC

After finalizing my divorce, I met a man who was separated from his wife of 20 years and we started dating. She swore she was finished with him for a long time, then kept telling him she wanted to reconcile even after he said he was finished. Last summer, he and I were surprised when we found out we were pregnant. A few months later he broke up with me to just be single, but we have since gotten back together. Our son is now a month old and he chose not to tell her or their children about our son until a few days after he was born. Luckily, his children have accepted their half-brother; his wife flipped out when she found out about the baby and mentioned to friends contemplating suicide a few days later. The point of my story is, sometimes everyone gets hurt in these situations. My illegitimate son didn't ask for this situation either, even though he has 2 parents and 6 older brothers and sisters that love him very much.
doctor zivago
by: ???

For the man taking literature as example. Would you be so tolerant if your wife did the same as you ?
He wanted me to get an abortion
by: The "other woman"

I’ve been dealing with this guy for about three years now. When we met he informed me that he was married but going through an ugly divorce. As the years went by, he would say things like he just came from court and his wife was such a shrew, that she was trying to take everything he has. I listened, supported and never really questioned the things he would tell me. He supported me and my son (not by him) physically, financially and emotionally.

Well last October I found out that he was in fact still dealing with his wife at the same time I found out that I was pregnant. I informed him of the pregnancy and he told me to abort. That’s against what I believe in and I refused. It’s a sad situation all around the board. I just wish I would have known all of this beforehand; this would have never happened. I’m now almost eight months pregnant and preparing myself to raise yet another child on my own.
I thought mistresses were more sophisticated
by: Daughter in Pain

My dad has an affair with this woman for 3 years now and has a daughter which is now 1 year old. I'm only a teenager and my little brother is only 4. I REALLY hate this woman for ruining our family. This mistress wants my parents to separate so that she and dad can live happily. My mom has gone into a full depression; so am I.

This woman gets child support, which is bigger than ours and my dad has 2 children with my mom (which is me and my little bro), BUT that other woman gets more money for her one child. There are countless times that my dad tells me that he's going to work for like 3 days but in fact he's with his mistress. His mistress knows that he's married and has children with his wife, but she still managed to have an affair with my dad. And this woman got my mom's number and keeps on sending us nasty texts.

I researched and researched since she and mom talked on the phone and the mistress dared us to have a fight with her. She even gave her Facebook acct. to us! She has their address. See?! I thought mistresses should be more sophisticated, classy, prettier, and stuff, but my dad's mistress is taking it on a whole different level. Ugh. It's kind of frustrating for me though 'cause I wanna teach her a lesson.
You are not alone
by: Me2

Its you he chose and married, and if that baby were all that mattered to him most, he wouldn't be with you. But he loves and protects you still. So try to appreciate the fact that he is with you. It happened to me too.
Some other women are victims too
by: VanessaM

He lied to me as well...I guess I'm the other woman. I was in Law school when we met and at the time my life was one big roller coaster (Full-time student/employee). I guess I missed all of the signs that he was married because he didn't behave like a married man with children. When I found out I left (Shocked?) But I also found out I was pregnant. I was tore...I mean who really "wants" an abortion plus I didn't want to tell him, he had already ruined so many lives. I ran into one of his friends while I was at my physicians and word got back to him. He called nonstop and finally called my parents. Oh yeah, did I mention he spent holidays with me and my family (what a jerk!). With tears and a broken heart I had the abortion. I just couldn't allow myself to put a baby through that type of life. He went into a full depression and his wife called me screaming that I was killing her husband. She wanted me to talk to him, but I wanted nothing to do with him or his crazy wife. He has tried several times to get in contact with me but I have nothing to say and I don't want to hear his lies. I just want to say it's not always the other woman fault...we/they have feeling too. I am not trying to justified the action of a woman who knew and didn't care but I had three years with this man, six vacations, two Thanksgivings, two Christmases...I know it's easier to blame the other woman...but I'm a victim too.
I hate liars
by: TS

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have 4 kids together. When I was pregnant with my 4th child a mystery woman stalked my social media page just to inform me that he got her pregnant! I already knew he was socializing with woman, but never knew he was sleeping around and without protection at that. I am so hurt but should have seen this coming. We aren't even married and this proves why I possibly never want to get married. Honestly, I stayed because my kids are young and I want to raise them in a two parent home even though they don't know what's really going on. My concern is that he will leave our family to create one with her. He says over and over he won't, but who knows... The other concern is that he will never learn his lesson and keep cheating.
I understand
by: Josephine

I am going through the same thing now. We had been together almost 11 years and during a bad patch he online dated and impregnated someone he barely knew. She is going to have the child of course and I believe he is ambivalent. He has apologized but secretly I believe he thinks some good will come of this as we never could have children. He already has a child from another woman before we were together and abandoned them so this is his chance to get it right he figures.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I don't see much good in giving advice. I am in a lot of pain, sometimes denial and anger, and honestly am tired of his blame, guilt, tears and now acceptance and moving on. People don't change. It’s best to split up and move on. He will do something selfish and immature to this new family and its best you're not involved or disappointed again.
Be Understanding, Be Flexible
by: Man with Two Families

To all the spouses considering divorce due to infidelity: don't do it! A few months into reconciliation with my wife, things are going really well in our rekindled relationship. We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our third (and my fifth!) child, another boy.

I still see my girlfriend and my other children several times a week. She's not happy about the developments with my wife, but she admits that she still loves me. She can't say that my love for and attention to my second family have diminished in any way.

Recently, I saw the film Doctor Zhivago, based on the epic Russian Revolution novel by Boris Pasternak. The protagonist, too, was in love with two women and started two families. Had it not been for the political climate, he would clearly have continued to see, and take care of, both women.

Dr. Zhivago's relationship with his mistress was genuine. Working side-by-side in a military hospital, he far away from his wife and first child and she, abandoned by her politically active former husband, they acknowledged their love but did not consummate it. The affair did not become physical until a chance reconnection years later, by which time it was clear that the two had a spiritual, not merely carnal, bond.

Sadly, Zhivago was a marked man -- a middle-class doctor in a society where the Proletariat was seizing the reins of power. He was forcibly separated from both women for the rest of his life.

Literature always, at some level, reflects reality; writers are influenced by what they see. The romance in Doctor Zhivago shows that it is OK for a man to love two women. Divorce in such cases would be a cop-out. If a man continues to take care of both women, a divorce is a selfish, possessive, and ultimately childish act. It's like hitting a classmate in kindergarten because he or she is playing with your favorite toy. Sharing works better. Dr. Zhivago's wife and mistress came to know each other, and protected each other when partisans apprehended their man.

Despite the hurtful things that have been written about me here, I fail to see how divorcing my wife to be with my girlfriend would benefit anyone. I am not the kind of man who abandons the women he loves and the children he created.

Be flexible and understanding, and you can rekindle your marriage even though your husband was or is seeing another woman. Ask him about his feelings and needs. You might be surprised that there is no sinister motive.
Please help.
by: Why me?

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. This "mistress" has been in and out of our lives for 3 years. Every time we argue or during our 3 month separation she was there too... Sending messages and calls as if she was just a friend checking up on him but I knew better. I hate this woman with all my heart. I always ask God how I can hate someone so much that I've never met.

During our first separation before our kids, she got pregnant with his child and had an abortion. 3 years later we went through another separation right after our second child was born. This separation was for no longer than 2 months and she got pregnant again. Her child was just born 2 weeks ago.

I'm so embarrassed, but I love my husband so much. I forgave him for making the mistake of getting her knocked up again. But now that the child is here it's a whole different ball game. He wants to see the child but my stipulations are that I have no problem with him raising this child but I don't want him around her at all. Am I being unreal? I just need some advice or comments, something, some feedback from someone.

I don't feel or act like my normal self and I can't talk about this to anyone because I'm so embarrassed and filled with shame and guilt. I'm angry and hurt. But I was the one who decided to separate at the time because I felt that he wasn't doing right by me and our children financially and emotionally. I regret separating with him because now I have to deal with this ugly scar. (The child with the other woman) please help.
Should I leave or stay?
by: I'm 9 weeks pregnant and she's 12 weeks.

I have been with a man 15 years my senior for the last year and a half. We have been in an open relationship" due to all his "priorities", such as having to take care of his elderly patents and not being on his ideal job. 8 months into our relationship he went on a trip to Las Vegas to be with his female best friend whom he failed to mention before now. She was going through a tough divorce and nasty custody battle, so he went to be with her for a week! I was upset but what could I do?

The day after he arrived there his phone mysteriously starts acting up so he couldn't communicate with me for the first three days. After he finally got a new phone delivered he still didn't reach out to me that much. I called the hotel where he said he was staying and they had no reservations in his name. So at first I thought maybe he had stayed at her house. When he came home I confronted him about the reservations and he tells me they were in her name. I asked why and he said because she stayed there with him. I knew right away that he had slept with her, but he denied it and said just because she's a woman doesn't mean he can't control himself around her. I called things off for about a week until he apologized and said he'd missed me and the feeling was mutual.

We moved on happily in love spending every other day together and every weekend. His mom gets sick and I support him the whole way. She dies and if course I'm there. I feel like we got closer during this hard time. Where was his "best friend" during this time? She sure didn't come and spend a week here with him during his time of need.

A month later he goes on another week-long "work trip" and had very little to no communication with me which takes me back to the Vegas trip. I'm so worried about him I think he's dead, that he's depressed and alone in his hotel thinking about his mom. He finally calls and says he didn't realize he needed space and time to mourn his mother until he was alone. At first I don't believe him but I didn't want to stress it because it may have true.

A month after the "work trip" I miss my period and I let him know. I ask him what if I’m pregnant and he says we should abort it. I start crying because why was that answer easy so easy to come by. A couple weeks go by and we decide to go to the Abortion clinic. We have the ultra sound and we're both so traumatized we don't go back. We actually talk about keeping our child even though it will be hard, but we'll make it work.

2 weeks go by and he decided to tell me he got another woman pregnant. In shock I ask who? He responds Brooke, his so called best friend. He got her pregnant during the last "work trip". I was so hurt to find out he had been lying to me all along, blaming his lack of communication on the death of his mom. "Does she know about me?" I ask. He responds "no". She doesn't even know I exist! "When did you find out about her pregnancy?" He responds "a couple weeks before you found out". I asked why he didn't mention this to me sooner and he said she was supposed to be getting an Abortion. He said he didn't mention it to me until now because she recently called and said she couldn't go through with the procedure. At first my initial reaction was to get the abortion after all.

I'm still early enough in the pregnancy to terminate it, break up and move on. I don't want to be mixed up in this mess and I wanted to leave him to figure out his own mess. Then I decided I love him and why should she be able to keep her baby, and not me? And how do I kill a baby (something I don't want to do) and walk away from a man I love who has made the biggest mistake of his life?

After telling her, he says she was livid and hasn't reached out to him since. A big part of me hopes she aborts her baby or puts it up for adoption. We are black and she is white. She has two white children from her divorce. Why would she want to be a single mom to black child? He must have given her a reason to think he loves her. And by them being "friends with benefits" for all these years, she probably wants to have that and so much more.

Do I get an abortion and leave him? Or do I stay and try to make this work?

I think I'll feel so insecure and jealous every time he goes on "work trips" and talks about traveling to see the baby. He said he would travel a few times to see her and support her during her pregnancy because she is still his friend and he loves her. He said he wouldn't be intimate with her again but I know that's A LIE!
Matthew 5:18- confront the sun with truth
by: Yvette

Agreed Cynthia. Goodbye. There’s been enough drama. Enough lies and jumping from one bed to another. Confront the sin. It will be the death of your marriage anyway. In time the relationship will only diminish anyway. You don't have anything to lose by laying the relationship on the line. Only then can you grieve it and heal.
Grow up
by: CS

You are a delusional and disgusting man. I hope your wife and girlfriend both leave you. Grow up. You don't get to have a wife and a girlfriend and switch between the two and think that this is something good. It's twisted, you're twisted and you will ultimately pay a heavy price for this unless you change what you're doing.

If you're too dense to see it for what it is, just ask yourself two questions and be honest about the answers; is this good in the eyes of The Lord and how would you feel if you were you're wife...married to you?!

I pray that your poor children grow up to be nothing like you!
Rekindled with Wife
by: Man with Two Families

A lot of you insisted that I should divorce my wife. I stayed with her and with my first family out of duty. I am so happy that I did the right thing. Here's a surprising update from the man with two families...

Back in October, my elder son, now 14, had a big argument with his mom. She forbade him from going to a party, objecting to one of his friends. Not only did he go anyway, but he told her that he was tired of being bossed around all the time. He rattled off a list of the ways in which she was controlling him, down to choosing what he wore every day, monitoring him through his friends' parents, and deciding which clubs he should join at school.

I wanted to say, "Way to go, son!" but of course I couldn't. There was some swearing and anger on his part, which I did talk to him about.

Wifey was despondent for five days, during which my son made himself scarce around the house and ignored her completely (and I spent a little extra time at my girlfriend's place). Finally, my wife realized that her controlling behaviors were putting her in danger of losing the people she loves.

The night she apologized to my son, my wife became a changed woman. She came in to our bedroom, one minute she was crying, and the next, she fell into my arms and was kissing me like she hadn't in years. She initiated intimacy, which she also hadn't done in a long time.

She's become so much more mellow, less perfect-mom and more good-wife. It's funny, but my wife and I have honestly have fooled around more in the last ten weeks than in the last ten years. She is getting older and we didn't think she could still get pregnant, but we just found out that we are going to have one last child together. I am amazed and very happy!

My girlfriend was angry with me at first, but I've continued to spend time with her every week and reassure her that I'll always be there for her and for the children I have with her. My having another baby with my wife makes her jealous, but she is young and knows she and I can have more children whenever we decide to. Also, I've been up-front from the start, so she harbored no illusion that I was getting ready to leave my wife before this happened.

I guess my advice is to try and stick it out instead of getting divorced. You never know when some secret force will catalyze your relationship and make it work again. I feel like the luckiest man in the world, with beautiful children, a wife who still loves me, and a girlfriend who also loves me!

Divorce is not a solution. Patience and space (in this case, my giving my wife space to be super-mom all those years, and my taking space by getting a girlfriend) can heal most relationship problems.

I'm curious whether some of the women here whose husbands have taken mistresses and impregnated them have truly tried to understand, have accepted that it isn't all the man's fault, and have given their men a little time and space to sort things out. Most of us really do not want to leave our wives and families, even if we need a little variety now and then.
Fiancé fathered a baby with a stranger
by: Keisha

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and he just found out 8 months ago he has a 2 year old from a one night stand. We have no kids together; however we both have grown children and grandchildren. The hurt and betrayal is so deep. I don't know if I should stay and get married or leave. Please give me some advice? If I work it out where do I begin? If I leave I feel like she wins. Please help
My husband cheated in our marriage and has two children
by: Can't afford to divorce

Six years ago, my husband started cheating on me with a twenty five year old girl. At that time we had been together for 9 years and married five years. He had been cheating with her for two years when she got pregnant. He moved out for five months but was still coming around and in our home which we build together. I did not accommodate his attentions and he used to get mad. I drove away from the house with our five year old child and returned when I knew he had left.

During the interim, he brought home groceries for our daughter and left them when I was not at home. When he brought the groceries, he came by looking to hook up (which I subtly avoided). He returned home with his clothes after his father passed away and said he was sorry. Then he said the woman was pregnant. I drove away when he said that and did not respond. We never talked about it. Then he started sleeping out after saying he was sorry. He fathered a next child but did not tell me. The woman telephoned me and abused me verbally. I did not let her ruffle me, but answered her in a manner which left her stunned. "My marriage has fifty more years to go despite what you are doing.

Just this year my husband claimed he told her "why am I wasting my life with you-you cannot be anything like my wife." In the meantime, she sleeps with other men and my husband knows this but still goes and sleeps with her. I’ve been faithful because I respect my child, my vows and myself. I do not sleep with him because he lies a lot. I have stopped washing his clothes and if I cook when he is around, he can eat, but I do not make extra effort to dish out his food.

WE have a huge house mortgage together and if I divorce we cannot buy out each other and the bank will benefit. I have built a wall around me, so whether he is in the house or not, it does not bother me. We do not share the same bed either. Now he says he has left the woman. I told him to support his children but do not bring them around me. Should I take the child support from him and give it to the woman? Or sent it to the grandmother who has the children? Or will I be putting myself in open danger for them to seek out money from me?
Heartbroken but such is life!
by: DS

I will have been with him for 9 years on October 28. After a very trying and hard relationship the last 5 to 6 months, I find out last week that he is having a baby with a woman he knew before me. I feel like I’m grieving a death. Don't know how to go on... I know I have to leave but it hurts so bad. I just need to express how I feel right now. I know that I love him, but I know if I don't leave, whether we’re together or not, he will never know my worth. It’s sad to say, but I still love him dearly.
My husband cheated with the maid
by: Hurt

My husband cheated on me with my maid for 3-4 months. Now he’s decided to come back to us, but it's quite late as his mistress is pregnant and I don't know what to do. I am confused about if I would still accept him or deal with the child. I thought about adopting the baby once it is born, but I don't want to see the mistress ever again. It is still very painful and every day I think about it. The maid mistress seems to have it planned very well. She tried so hard to get in while my husband and I were having misunderstandings. My heart goes out to all the wives out there that has been betrayed and cheated.
I am a husband that had an affair and now has a child with my mistress
by: A lost fool

Almost two years I had a yearlong relationship with a woman who was a good friend, almost a best friend, while my wife and I had fallen out of our marriage. Things where not the same; love was dull, we fought all the time... Little things were explosive ... We had 3 children then, with one on the way that I suspected was not mine, but it was just my insecurities. I was ridiculed for the smallest of things and worked hard and always came home to even more stress and I put the blame on her for not being a better wife and mother.

Along came my mistress (who was my friend to begin with) who claimed to have her own marital problems and eventually our problems became each other’s because we reached out to each other in bad times. When our affair started it was wonderful of course, and emotions were put into place and made all the bad go away. We snuck around and even saw each other and talked to each other as often as we could ...She was even there to reassure me of my new child and helped me learn how to truly love my kids.

When my wife found out about us of course things got really bad ... But to cut it short we stayed together. I called it off with my mistress and grew to know that my place was with my family. Months, many months later I learned that my mistress was pregnant with what was my child and she refused to have anything to do with me as she decided to stay with her family as well ... When the baby was born it was apparent to everyone it was mine without doubt. And she went around town lying that the baby looked the way it did due to her parent’s family traits.

I have tried to reach out to do the right thing to peacefully resolve what needs to be done and have been road blocked. Now things have to get ugly, which is not what I want. The long and the short of things I can't sit here and say I wish it didn't happen because then that little one would not be a part of this world. But it is difficult for me as man to know the baby is there and I have to watch it grow through pictures from mutual friends.

My advice to men and women who act on emotions with others outside their marriage is to not act on those impulses. Channel that energy into your spouse and try to do the right thing. In the end, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Remember you will not be the first person on earth to divorce or separate, but for the sake of innocent children and situations beyond your control and in your control, at least TRY.

TRY to do right by the ones you obligate yourself to first. And don't take a walk down that road towards an affair because the ugly truth is you will be living a lie that will never be accepted as a good thing. I wish nothing bad on mistress and her situation at all; I have nothing bad to say about her and never will. We were two people in a different time and place and now I have a child I don't get to see until the courts say so and I lost a good friend.

...And gained a guilt that will always have a hold on me.
He got a stranger pregnant
by: T

We have been married for 10 years have a 9 year old together. My husband just told me that he got some stranger pregnant (he knew her for about 1 week), as well as a woman who he has been cheating with (amongst other women), for a couple of years. Our marriage has been very difficult, there has been so much infidelity on his part and I eventually did the same. We have never been able to stay apart though for longer than 3 weeks. We miss each other and one or the other of us will initiate making up.

I don't want this anymore, not that I ever wanted it. I want my family to be a healthy happy one...but how do I deal with this? I feel emotionally drained and the pain of betrayal is overwhelming. He says that he loves me and that he's in love with me. I feel the same about him, but we also hold so much resentment towards each other and we have our child to think about.

I honestly am disgusted and devastated by what he has done, getting 2 women pregnant within about 1 week of each other! I am disgusted at the women as well, more so at the one woman who knows about us, knows that we've been trying to work things out, yet still is going after a married man. I think she's an awful person and I feel sorry for the child that she already has from her past marriage and for the one she is apparently going to have. Those kids have got a nasty woman as their mother. The other woman I think is a complete lowlife, who fooled around with a married stranger and got pregnant.

And yes, I blame my husband the most because without him, none of this would happen. The problem is that I love him. We have just this week gone to see a Pastor and told him about the situation. My husband told him that he wants our marriage, that he loves me and wants us. I'm just so hurt and although I want us, I'm worried that this is going to be more than I can take. How do I deal with the other woman, the children? What and how are we to speak to our child about this? I don't want these women in our lives, but how is that possible given the circumstances? I'm hurt, angry, confused, bitter, disgusted and at the same time I'm in love, hopeful and unwilling to give up on us.

I've not been perfect, and I've made mistakes that I wish I could take back, but I also know that I don't deserve this. My husband told me he got these 2 women pregnant because he was trying to make sure that we never got back together. He said that at the time he thought we would not give in to each other the way we always have...but we did. We also (before I knew about the situation) recommitted to each other, promised that no matter what, we would work thing through... Problem is he knew about the pregnancies and didn't tell me at the time, and I made promises without knowing the ugly truth.

When I read this, I'm ashamed. Ashamed because if my girlfriends told me that this is what was happening in their marriage, I would tell them to walk away. Yet here I am, trying to work on my marriage with my husband who I want to trust, but has been untrustworthy, who had lied almost constantly for years, who is meant to be my rock, but feels more like quicksand under my feet...how do I deal with this, with me, with our child, with our marriage and with the other woman and their children?

No DNA tests have been done, both women are about 2 months along but I think that it is very possible that when the tests are done, my husband will be the father of 2 children outside our marriage. Writing that, makes me feel physically sick. What is it going to be like once the children are here? That thought also sickens me. I don't know what to do. I have to get tested now for every STD. I know that this will hurt my child, when the talk has to happen and I hate my husband and those two women so intensely when I think about that.

I would like to also say, to every cheating spouse, man or women, that it is wrong. There is no good that will come from it and if you have children together you should try and sort the situation out properly. It’s not just your spouse you will hurt, but also your children. I would like to say, to all the promiscuous people out there (both men and women) who go after and get involved with married people or people who are already in relationships, unless you have been Completely lied to, and know nothing about the cheater's spouse or significant other, that you are disposable, low life's and you bring so much pain to others for your own selfish wants.
I need some advice
by: Hurting

My husband had an affair and got the women pregnant. She already has two kids and he fell in love with them. He says he will never leave me because he loves me, but I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know if I should stay or leave. It hurts even more because I can’t have any children and he has always wanted a kid. This is all happening too quick. I can’t deal with these emotions; it’s not my thing so if someone can please help me out.
Weird
by: FH

Ok I get that the human species is capable of being in love with two people at once but someone is obviously bound to be left out in any threesome. I think the wife who is being cheated on should find a hot young guy to balance things out! Make sense right??! Good luck
DRAMA
by: Sally

My Husband had an affair after 25 years together and out of the affair he has a child. I choose to forgive him and work it out with him. It has been 2.5 years and the mistress still is angry with him for not leaving me. She keeps him in court she will not allow him to see his child outside of what the court order states. Unless he travels to her home state and spends the weekend. She continues to tell him that her child cannot come around me and she does not want me to be part of the child life.

Did she not think for a minute that she was sleeping with another woman’s husband! I cannot say what I want to say to her because she will use that against me in court as an angry aggressive woman to stop the child from coming to our home. Yes I blame my husband, don’t get me wrong… however we are moving on and it does not seem as if she will ever let go.

All I have to say to all the MISTRESSES out there… When you lay in BED with ANOTHER Woman’s Husband you have not ONLY DONE WRONG TO THEM. YOU HAVE DONE WRONG TO ALL WOMEN including YOURSELF.

As women, we have a responsibility to ourselves and how the world sees us...

We all create our own KARMA… however if you understand KARMA, what you don’t get back it will go to YOUR CHILDREN and your CHILDREN’S CHILDREN….
Moving on for the better
by: Anonymous dj

Hello there and blessings to all great wives...it’s been almost 14 years since my ex-husband chose his mistress over me and left me with two kids. I can imagine how all of you are feeling because it lingers in my mind every single day. I just need to remind you that it is better and is a nicer feeling going through life with peace and dignity upon yourself. Perhaps when the husband leaves the wife it is nothing to do with us but instead that it is their own issue to resolve for being cheaters and selfishness... Go back as well to how you were nurtured by your parents as a precious child and it would make you think "who the heck is he to destroy you as person"....

Happiness is really a choice... You can still meet good people that make you feel better. Why stick with an ex-husband who dumped you in first place, if you can find another man who treats you like an extraordinary woman. Enjoy all your days with your kids and with inspirational people... Cheers mate …life is too short… be the best woman you can be and show him that you can do better without him. I guess it is healthier for the children to see you happy and beautiful... God is with us and never leaves us in vain…Your cheater ex-husband shouldn’t ruin your life ...so God is still giving us a chance to live without messy cheater husbands... be strong and beautiful no matter what!

Listen to the song skyscraper by Demi Lovato... God bless us all! Good luck to your challenge and the battle begins now...
Part time dad
by: GS

Man with two families... That is B.S. If your wife isn't giving you what you need then tell her the truth. If she wants to continue with this arrangement then fine, but don't take away her right to someone who loves only her. You are stealing her choice. That is wrong.

If I knew I would get the kids full time without having to share custody I would probably agree. But I want to be able to choose. It's not fair for you to be able to be with two women if she can't have two men (if she doesn't already).

And how do you find all this time to be a full time dad to two sets of children. Why didn't you invest that time into your kids like your wife did? Instead you chose to spend even less time with 2 sets of kids. Divorce her if you are that miserable so at least one set of kids gets a full time dad and your girlfriends kids don't have to be your shameful secret. Be happy with your girlfriend if your wife is so bad. You can still take care of her with alimony and child support.
My husband is having a baby with his mistress.
by: Justine

Cynthia I feel your pain. I too think my husband is going through a midlife crisis. It is so hard to walk away after so much time together. I think a lot of what we are willing to tolerate has to do with how they treat us when we are together.

I personally don't think I could be happy with anyone but husband. He is very loving and caring when we are together. His mistress is not pregnant yet but they are actively trying to change that. I do not know how that is going to change my feelings for him or his feelings for her for that matter. I can't tell anyone else what to do but I would suggest following your heart.
Husband still trying to get mistress pregnant
by: Justine

It has been almost 3 months since my husband of 23 years told me that he is having an affair and trying to get her pregnant. As I read everyone's stories, I cant help but to notice that most wives stay with their cheating husbands because of the kids. My situation is the complete opposite. I am unable to have children and am still shocked that he did not leave me years ago because of his desire to have children. He admits that he does love her but says he still loves me very much. He said he does not plan to leave me even if she does become pregnant. I love him very much and can't imagine my life without him but I do not know what the truth is or what the future holds for us.
Empathy
by: Man with Two Families

I am the man with two families. It hurts that some of you blame me, when it was my wife who chose to neglect me. As I said, I still love her, and I've kept my first family intact.

Regarding my girlfriend's decision to hire a nanny so that she would have time for me, my wife could have hired one too. Money is not the issue. Her ego is. You can imagine that someone with her personality would never agree to involve another person in raising her children.

After my girlfriend gave birth to our son last year, our relationship became even stronger. For my January "business trip", I met her in a small village in Mexico, where we organized an informal commitment ceremony. She wore a beautiful wedding dress and we exchanged vows. Townspeople joined us, and we dressed up our baby girl and baby boy for the occasion. When they are older, they'll look at the pictures and see a family that, despite being unorthodox, is very loving. I wanted to prove that I have the same commitment to my girlfriend that I do to my wife, even though the relationship can never be legally or socially recognized.

What's missing in the replies here is empathy. What would you do if your spouse focused on children and "good works", to the point of ignoring you?

The way I am made, I could never abandon my wife, or the children I have with her. Divorce would exact a terrible toll on all of us.

My alternative of meeting a girlfriend and starting a second, secret family works to my wife's advantage. I'm giving her the space she needs to be a supermom. We are always cordial, there is no animosity between us, and there is no fighting under our roof. Our two sons are growing up happy and well-adjusted, which might not be the case if I'd opted for divorce, as some of you suggested.

On a separate note, the closeness that grew between my girlfriend and me when we had our second child has convinced us to try for another baby. She's still young, so we could have a big family.

My wife is nearing the end of her child-bearing years. The two things that hold me back from having another child with her are the lack of intimacy (she's interested only a few times a year) and my fear that she'd repeat her pattern of neglecting me while raising the child. Maybe some of you know what it's like to be neglected by a person you love, through no fault of your own.
Husband is trying to get his mistress pregnant
by: Justine

My husband of 23 years (dating 29) told me last month that he was having an affair with the sole purpose of having a child since I am unable to conceive. He admitted that he has known her for almost 9 years and that the affair has been going on a couple of months. He assured me that he did not love her (admitted to caring about her) and that he did not see a future with her other than for having a child.

As devastated as it was I agreed to stick it out to see how it would play out. (I love my husband more than life itself and can’t imagine my life without him)… so for a little over a month now he has been seeing her every couple of days. Now he told me that he loves her and still loves me. I am very confused and don’t know what the right thing to do is. I have no bad feelings towards her (she has no idea we are still together) based on what he has told me about her. I actually think I like her and am open to the idea of trying an open marriage. I don't know if I am considering this because I have low self-esteem, or am I just confident enough in our love? Am I crazy for thinking this can actually work? Can he love her without it affecting his love for me?
Deluded
by: MJ

@Both Sides you are deluded if you think for one second you can blame your wife! You are ruining hers and your kid’s lives. Why didn't YOU hire a nanny if you wanted to spend more time with her? Why bring a 3rd person into a marriage? Have you forgotten that you promised to forsake all others? What you are is a coward, a liar, a cheat, a RUBBISH husband and a RUBBISH father! You have now squandered whatever little time it sounds like you've shared with your children for your tramp and second lot of children. You say you love your wife yet you speak negatively about her and praise your mistress. Let your wife go so that she can focus on herself and at least find a man while she has some good years left in her. You just focus on YOURSELF and your new family. IF YOU NEED TO STEP OUT OF A MARRIAGE THEN COMPLETELY DO SO. What you have done is just cause a lot of unnecessary hurt in the future. You and your mistress are disgusting, selfish people who were made for each other. Let your wife go so that she is not humiliated any further.
Its all about you 2
by: Brianna

The first is an issue of love; the second is an issue of ownership and selfishness on your part. If he looks after the house, the children and yourself on the same basis as before, and loves you and your children in an ongoing unlimited fashion, why are you giving him such a hard time?

One final thing - and this is well renowned by psychologists worldwide. Men are designed to be intimate with multiple women. If your husband has a very strong libido when you meet him at 20, then he will have a very strong libido at 60. Weak libido then it isn't going to improve.

If you can barely keep up at 20, then within 2 years, your libido will start to falter; within 20 it will be non-existent. His hasn't changed. That's nature’s way of perpetuating the species, yet somehow females have been taught that they should cage him, and deprive him, and make him the slave to the perpetuation of her offspring alone. (Pretty weird feminist idea - but it’s out there!)

The inverse: Women whose husbands don’t measure up to her needs will find that he will be replaced with another male who will satisfy those desires. The inverse is generally the opposite, with psychologists doing a roaring trade with attention-starved husbands and wives telling them to get over it!

Now a moment for the chaps:

You have a family with a woman; you’re responsible to be a father and bread winner to that family, even if she works. All children need a father. Sorry all the man haters out there - you screw your children's lives up if you deprive them of their father, and just imagine how angry and aggressive you may end up being if he took your children away. Fathers love their children.

Now chaps if you realize that your life journey includes a relationship with a second woman, then remember you have no right to breach that trust with your first wife, without her full knowledge of your intentions. Yes that is tough, but man up. Breach of trust is everything, and by the time you’re giving your second love an extra big cuddle - your already well over the line of honesty and decency. Keep it under control and be a man.

Be straight forward and honest to both of your loves. Yes very hard, but a heck of a lot easier then lying and being deceitful. Secondly you must only move forward as fast as all parties can handle it. Again, this is an extremely difficult thing to do. But if you really are mentally mature enough to have two families, you’d better be prepared to intellectually negotiate, and care for two families!

If you’re doing it just for the physical side of things - don't. If you have fallen out of love, leave and be man enough. Leave get a divorce and pay your responsible duties!

If it is a true love situation, then being honest up front is the most important thing no matter what society says. And you’d better pay and look after both families responsibly.
Be Real
by: Nadia

You are doing the right thing. Read this book "opening up" by Tristan Toarmino. All these people talk about the perfect marriage but they are living with strangers. People who open up to allowing their partners to have another woman have a better relationship with their husband by far compared to those who have monogamist relationship. Honey you are living in the real world and they are living a big lie. "I’d rather be hurt with the truth than to be confronted with a lie." By the way you are more secure and confident about yourself than all those criticizing you. Be your husband’s best friend, don't be the controlling wife or a mother. Support your husband and I know it’s hard at the beginning but eventually you will realize that this is the way things should be.

I allow my husband to have a mistress and we have been closer ever since. No more lying, no more infidelity. I haven’t yet met her in person, but I am letting him prepare her so one day I can meet her, and who knows be her friend too. A lot of people criticize the other woman which is unfair. You don’t know what lies your husband is telling her. I don’t think everyone may be able to do what I do, but if you have a great communication, very secure and confident about yourself, accepting him to have an affair with your consent is the easiest and best thing you can do for your relationship. I must stress out that I have only been with my husband. As of now I have no desire to allow another man to penetrate me except for him. I’m 40yrs old and have been married for 22 years and have 3 kids with my husband.
You men are cowards
by: Daphne

I cannot believe some of the men on here who think they are decent men while having affairs and babies with a mistress all the while staying married because they "love" their wives.

Get over yourself and your sense of entitlement. Who do you think you are to think that you have a right to two families? You are cowards not to break it off with either your wife or mistress. You want it all - the comforts of the safe marriage - even if it is boring and all your needs aren't met - while the excitement of the affair and having your huge ego stroked there.

You are not decent men - you are cowards. And in the end both women will know that. So will your children.
Hurt and betrayed
by: D.

Hi. My boyfriend of five years just told me via text that he has a child. I’m so hurt because he’s been acting funny… not talking to me and accusing me of things I never did. Please help because I’m going crazy here. I feel so hopeless and hurt.
Both Sides
by: Man with Two Families

I've tried to be a loving husband to my wife for 17 years. We have two boys, 7 and 12.

My wife plays the role of the perfect mother, monitoring our sons' every movement, planning their lives, sitting with them while they do their homework, driving them to lessons and social engagements, and then scrapbooking about our happy family. Sadly, this level of involvement takes away from her role as a good (I never asked for perfect) wife.

In fact, I only agreed that we should have a second child because my wife became depressed when our first son was old enough to go to preschool, that is, old enough not to need her all day long. Caring for another baby calmed her for a few years. Then, when not looking after our boys, she turned to external pastimes like being on the PTA. I applaud all that she has accomplished, but I also wanted a wife who would spend a little time with me.

My wife focuses only on our children, virtually ignoring me. This was the backdrop for the affair that I started. My girlfriend is younger and less intense than my wife. She is present in the moment. She talks to me, listens to me, and even holds me (men need affection, too). We've arranged our work schedules so that we can see each other a few times a week. On weekends, I say I'm "going to the gym". Three or four times a year, I take week-long "business trips".

I still love my wife, in spite of her remoteness, but I live for my girlfriend. She's been pregnant four times in our seven years together. We were responsible and chose abortion the first time. The second time, she had a miscarriage. The third time, she gave birth to our beautiful daughter, who is the light of my life. We decided to try for a second child, and I'm excited that my girlfriend is now five months pregnant with a boy!

Because my girlfriend understands the importance of being a parent and a lover at the same time, she has hired a nanny. We are involved in our daughter's care, but we can still take time just for us.

I love both of the women and all of the children in my life. I am not a bad person. I've chosen a path that lets me keep my first family intact, while meeting my emotional needs through my second family. For everyone's good, my wife does not and will not know about my girlfriend. My girlfriend lives in a neighboring town, and I've had my lawyer draw up a trust to support her, and my new children, anonymously. Though my girlfriend wishes she could have me all to herself, she also knows that I'm a good, reliable man for not abandoning my first family.

Remember, there are two sides to every story. Men who have relationships and children outside their marriages don't necessarily have selfish motives, and some of us respect our obligations no matter what.
6 1/2 Years
by: Defeated Mistress

I was the mistress for 6 1/2 years of a man who said that he was already having problems with his marriage and planned on leaving his wife. I had two abortions because the timing wasn't right. My conscious bothered me all the time and I urged him to either recommit to his family or fully stand beside me. He said that he was fully with me but had to resolve financial issues before he could get a divorce. Each December we would break up so that I could start fresh for the New Year, and he would always find a way to get me back (spa day, vacation, etc.). I think he took me out to dinner so often so I could gain weight and not be attractive to other men.

Last year he said that he wanted us to have a baby by the end of the year, and specifically wanted a girl. So after he was officially separated for 2 years, I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. God blessed us with a girl just like he wanted, but as soon as he learned I was pregnant he broke up with me and went back to his wife. My daughter is 5 months old and he barely takes care of her, claiming not to have money. His family knows about me and my daughter and yet has never come to see her. I just found out that his wife is 6 months pregnant.

I've been married before and got divorced over my ex committing adultery. I can't understand why this woman would take back a man who she knows had an affair for over 6 years and then have a child with him, knowing he just had a baby with another woman. I have so much hate for them both.
Follow up
by: Cynthia

Hello All!!

I read your stories and I feel your pain. I am still stuck in my current situation but I am getting out. Dealing with lack of finances is extremely hard to get out of a bad relationship. I am still in Graduate school and plan on finishing next May. It is hard to be here but I keep looking towards my final goal of being free.

Someone said when the heartache of remaining in a relationship is worse than the pain of leaving it is time to go. I know it is hard, probably the hardest thing you have ever done in your life; where the pain seems unbearable. I was there....I cried everyday which seemed like all day. I cried taking the kids to school, I cried at work; I cried at home, I cried on my way to the grocery store. I saw a therapist, joined as support group and I tried anti-depressant medication. (I quit taking the medication because I didn't like the way it made me feel.....nothing) I was extremely depressed...where I couldn't get out of bed. It hurts....and it feels like someone has died and you are grieving. But grief will pass eventually. I still feel sad and angry about my situation but I am accepting that it will not change. I am looking out for me because I can't stand being sad anymore.

Look to people to talk to...find one person to vent your feelings to. People can become wonderful support systems. I am very grateful to my Angel who always talks with me. She had been the most helpful....even more so than my therapist.
He couldn't ever love me
by: Alana

My heart goes out to all you women how have been betrayed in this manner and are suffering with heart break over someone who has deceived you and abandoned you.

I especially thank Cynthia for her comments and would like to hear more from her. I too would like to move on in the way she is doing, but right now I can't even move from the heartbreak and disbelief. I'm on anti-depressants but they are not working as well as I had hoped.

My husband was a loving man, attentive and caring with me up until the end before he left. He never gave me any reason to think he would ever dream of doing this to me. He has shattered my world as he was everything to me. We would spend time together every day and now he is as a stranger.

I feel that he has had an affair with someone while married to me and possibly now she is pregnant. He left me and seemed very torn, but will not admit what he did. When I speak to him he seems very emotional but decided to end our marriage.

We don't have children. He never wanted them and possibly thought he couldn't have any so he probably didn't use any precaution with his mistress. I'm older than he is but that was never an issue, as it seemed. We have spent 16 years together and 11 years married. I'm a licensed acupuncturist and the other day he tells me I should volunteer for Lamaze centers for pregnant women with morning sickness.

He has broken my heart in a big way. When we were together he would say that he loved me to the bone. Go figure. May God help. I don't know how to forward from this hell I find myself in. Thanks for your comments.
I fathered a child with my mistress
by: I am one of them

I have had a mistress for 23 years and fathered a child with her 15 years ago. I love her, but could never leave my wife and the 3 children I have. My mistress fills the voids of the relationship I have with my wife which are many and significant.

I know that what I have done is wrong and that I have harmed many people. I wish that I wasn't like this. I wish I could just find a way to be content with my wife. However I just don't have what it takes. Either there is something inside that drives me to do this, or there is something that doesn't provide enough force to do what is right. I am a poor sinner and a poor excuse for a human being because of this. I do try and make up for my inadequacy in other ways, but I understand you may hate me. All I can say is that I am sorry for being the way I am. It is like being on drugs. I haven't found a way to control it that works for me. If I could change the way I am I certainly would.
My boyfriend is having a baby with his mistress
by: Losing my Mind

Hi I just found out my boyfriend of 10 year is having a baby with his mistress of two years. This baby will be here soon and I am so confused and hurt. I never thought this would be happening to me. I love this man. I am truly lost and I feel like I’m really losing my mind. I need help with this.
Confused and hurt
by: CC

My husband has a child that is 3 months older than our now 3 month old daughter. When we were engaged the other woman got pregnant three months before me. I didn't find anything out until after we got married. I don't know what to do. I really love my husband but I don't think I can accept the fact that they are 3 months apart. Now he wants to start getting the other baby on the weekend. I'm not sure that I can handle her being around. I'm stuck between staying here and leaving. We have had a lot of rough times but, he has really changed from the person that he used to be. In a way I am afraid of moving on because of the person he is now; but it’s the person that he was in the past that has me in a situation that I have to deal with for the rest of our lives and I don't know how. I don't want to be the person that keeps him from his child; but how do I accept it. They are both little babies. I need some major advice.
The daughter left alone
by: Confused daughter

Hello. I am truly sorry to hear all your stories! I cannot understand them as the wives that were betrayed. But my parents were together for 19 years and now my dad told us that he has had an affair and the mistress is pregnant. She is only two years older than me. I have met her and I did so because I wanted to see if she would apologize to me and admit her wrong doing. She said sorry that we had to meet like this and she doesn't know what to say and that he knows it doesn't cover it.... My question, is this a sincere apology and should I accept it or should I fight for a better one? She said she wants to be my friend and she wants my dad and me to have a relationship.

What should I do!? Delete them both, talk only to my dad and ignore her and my step brother or sister or whatever, or have her in my life and dad and move on (is that possible)

Would you have your children do?
Please help
I’m trying to get over my ex-husband-to-be and his mistress and their baby
by: Mandy D.

I posted on your site about my ex-husband to-be fathering a baby with his mistress. I’m now on antidepressants to keep me calm. He has destroyed me and also my 3 children which are 11, 12, and 13. They both have destroyed me and my children and my divorce will be through in a month. I always say once a cheat, always a cheat and they both deserve each other. He has turned his back on his children, but at end of the day they don’t need him and one day he will realize what he’s done, but it will be too late. I just want to be happy and move on with my life but it’s hard. I will get there. He’s not destroying me anymore.
Husband having baby with mistress who is sleeping with married men only
by: Bee

We’ve been married for 5 years with 2 boys. My husband started cheating with his high school sweetheart. Only problem, she sleeps with any man. After I found out about the affair, he claimed he stopped seeing her, but he lied. He got her pregnant but also lied about being the father. After the child was born, they did a DNA test and the baby was his. I just wanted to die and I hated him. Two years later I still can't deal with this whole thing. I hate her and her mother and also my husband for hurting me like that. What if I got aids or something? The worst thing is, his parents adore that baby and can't stand mine. I am thinking about divorcing him because loving him just hurts me and the boys.
Ex-husband and the other woman had baby
by: ThrownAway

My ex-husband has a baby with the OW now. Our kids are only 3 and 5 years old. It hurts so much. It feels as if our family was disposable to him. I feel thrown away. I want to feel happy again but it's so hard go see past the pain.
Preaching to the Choir...unfaithful husband
by: Need to Vent

I divorced my husband because of the child he fathered during an affair. When asked if he was pursuing a relationship with the woman he denied it. But why should I have believed him. Before the affair was discovered, I asked had he cheated with the woman I suspected and he denied that.

At our son's 1st birthday party, he invited her, as a friend of the family. She was pregnant with his baby at that time.

This week he sends me a text that read, "By the way, I wanted to let you know that I'll be getting hitched before I leave on the 27th." Where is he going, you ask? He's moving to Arkansas, where his new bride has family and he can provide a better home for the daughter he had with her.

Meanwhile, the son he had with me will receive $62 a month in child-support.

I am so angry at myself for the poor decision I made in choosing him as a mate. All I do is cry and pray for strength and restraint. Thankfully, I am blessed with friends and family to support my son and I emotionally and mentally. I honestly believe that someone who makes decisions like this is damaged and needs therapy.

Were it not for the beautiful, smart, witty, and vivacious son we made together, I would wish that we had never met.

My heartfelt prayers go out to every woman who has or is going through a similar situation.
Adultery
by: Mandy D.

I’ve been with my husband 14 and a half years and I’ve got 3 children with him. When I had my 3 child 11 years ago, he had an affair. Two years ago he left me for someone that had 3 kids. He was in a serious transit accident and from that day he’s changed. He was acting like he was having an affair and he denied it, but I knew he was cheating and his love child was born last June. I’m devastated. How do I move on from this? I am filing for divorce based on adultery.
I had his baby
by: I was deceived too

I am sorry to all of you. I dated a married guy and he was great to me. I have never been in this situation and always despised it. I tried to break it off and so has he. We have been off and on for 8 years, but he was not married but living there. She knew of me and I made sure of it. Yes I went there. Like I said I was never this type and do not know how I got there. I hate myself. I had a miscarriage and 2 abortions. Now we have a 2yr old. I cut him off and stuck to it September of last year. My baby turned two this year and I only saw him once for her birthday. We had a big fight this Jan and he got married a few weeks after. I did not find out until this Easter. He hid his marriage and his ring. What an jerk. Well he pays almost a 1000.00 a month in child support and we have been seeing each other again on a regular basis.

I told him today I need answers on why is he sleeping with me, why is he telling me that he loves me. I told him we can’t do this and he said he knows, that it is not just the physical side of it, but also the friendship and our daughter. I told him to just pick up his daughter and leave me alone. He asked if that is what I want and I said yes. His wife says they do not make love and she found out about us again. I told her, did she really think we would stay away. I told him he married her, he sealed the deal so you made your bed lie in it. IF you knew us, you would not judge us because we hate it, all of it. We were never the type of people who do this.

Affairs do not last 8 years and 3 pregnancies later. I told him that he should only desire his wife and if he does not then it’s too bad. I am getting stronger but I have always loved him. But if I was not good enough to be with, don’t make me good enough to be your mistress. What about our daughter. Whenever I cut him off, he turns his back on her, her little cute face loves him so much. But he can tell.

NO matter what anyone who is on the outside is thinking, if you saw him with me, you cannot tell we were not meant to be together. But leaving him will hurt him and I don’t care. He told me just today he understands and does not feel like it is cheating because it is me. I said no, cheating is cheating period. He said what should we do? I said no more intimacy, period. See your daughter. He said he understands and does not want me to feel like he is holding me hostage. But bottom line, you told me you got married so all the fighting could stop, and he thought since I cut him off cold turkey he would never see us again. So deal with it...
Follow up
by: Cynthia

I have finally decided to let this hell hole go. I see that there is no way to make this work. My husband is a total jerk and I am through. I am in a crunch where I cannot totally just up and leave. There is so much to do.

I hope we can go to mediation where he will adhere to my demands. I will seek support because I believe he has to pay it. Even though I don't want to be dependent on him, I have to get it.

I plan to move to another state to achieve a fresh start and I am looking forward to my freedom. He's not worth it and my freedom and well-being is worth more. It took me a while but I am finally getting it. I am worth something to me, even if I am not worth anything to him. I feel smarter and more confident that I will attain my goals for myself. It’s hard to believe a year ago I thought I could not live without him.

Keep your head up ladies....if you need someone to talk to.....write....I am here to listen.

Thanks.....Cynthia
I just had a baby with my husband who stays in contact with "ex" mistress
by: SI

My situation is sort of flipped. My husband had a year and a half affair from the beginning of our marriage; we dated for 4 years prior. He continues to stay in contact with her a year and half later, but claims there isn't and hasn't been any dating or intimacy, etc. My issue is that I spent 6 months getting him to cut ties with her and when I left for 8 months for school I believed it. I had the fear they continued while I was gone and when I was 8 months pregnant this August he admitted out of the blue to still contacting her.

I am not fooled into any happily-ever-after, but with a 6 week old baby I am struggling to decide whether or not things can improve (with effort) for my daughters sake. The other woman used to be at our home every day and smile at me knowing what she was doing. And I can't help but think that presently she thinks we are no longer together, when in reality we are and have always been. I also believe she doesn't know about my daughter. Would calmly emailing her a short and simple message do any good? A simple "please leave my husband alone so we can move on for our daughters sake" (sort of hoping that finding out about the fact he's been lying to her will change her mind)? I know he is as much or more to blame, but clearly as long as she is willing, he can't resist. I'm willing to do counseling, but feel if she's around that it's pointless. In the end there's a big possibility I'll leave him, but I want to know that I did my best to keep our family together for my daughter and so I'm trying.

I appreciate feedback, particularly on whether showing the mistress that he was been lying to her would remove her from the picture so that counseling for my husband and I will stand a chance at working.
To: My husband is having a baby
by: Rainbows

Oh, ladies, how difficult this situation must be for you! It is not only a betrayal of your marriage vows, but also a betrayal of your children. They also must be hurting so much!

Divorce is not easy on families. It is not easy for the wife who files for divorce. The process is a bit like death, I think. Relationships with other people die. Our relationships with our children are "re-invented." Our identities "die," too.

However, out of the chaos of divorce, new relationships are formed, a new and better identity is created, and not only strength, but also courage, are forged. Life is always better when you believe in "you."

Don't look back at the chaos. That's why you left. Only look forward to the new possibilities that lie ahead of you .I know that's difficult right now, but you must remember that you left a relationship that was harmful to you....and you knew in your heart that you deserved better. Believe in your rainbows! They are waiting.
My husband (soon to be ex) is having a baby with his mistress too.
by: Almost free in Georgia

I agree. My husband had an affair and his mistress who got pregnant and had his daughter. I was devastated, 19 years in thinking that we were soul mates. It took me a long time to let go, but my divorce will be final within the next 2 weeks.

No one but those who have gone through it truly understands the hurt and humiliation. He actually told me I should love him more than I hate the mistress (and as a byproduct, the child) :)!

I’m so tired of hearing that it’s not the child’s fault, but it’s not my fault or my children’s fault either.

So I’m taking care of me and my child and I will leave them to do the same for theirs. Not looking back. Not saying it does not hurt, but every day it gets a little better and I hope you find that it’s the same for you.

I don’t want the burden of a child that he created in that way, emotional or financial.

Hope you find peace. I’m searching for mine as well and hope to find it soon.

It’s amazing how often this happens, but never in a million years would I have thought this would have happened to me.

Almost free in Georgia
My Husband Is Having a Baby with His Mistress
by: MKJ

Having been married for 30 years, I am also facing a divorce I never thought would occur. However, I realized that the "marriage" was dead and that I was living with its corpse. Corpses begin to smell after a while, so I decided to bury it.

I understand your pain, confusion, and ambiguity. However, I must tell you that you are worth more and deserve more in a relationship. Your husband betrayed your trust, undermined your self-worth, and disrespected you as a human being. He has broken all the vows..."to love and to cherish until death do we part." Personally, I think the marriage is dead, and you'd be much happier without someone like this in your life.

I wish you well with this journey of self-discovery. I know it is difficult to reach a decision after so many years of married life.

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