Texting another woman

by Tammy
(Illinois)

My husband and I have only been married for three months, but I just left him last night because he’s such an idiot. First of all, he drinks way too much, like a 12-pack or more after work. And it’s a lot more than that on the weekends.

After the first month, he became unsatisfied at his job and started texting one of the girls he worked with. He would start texting her at 8 or 9pm and text until almost midnight. When I asked him who he was texting, he would tell me but refused to let me read the messages. He said it was "personal" and he couldn’t talk to me about it. After a few weeks of this, I told him it had to stop. He had quit his job and needed to let it go.

He told me it would stop. I just found a text message on his phone that was from her saying "I am free any time. Good night for now". He had erased all of the other messages so I wouldn't see them. She sent that one after he had went to bed.

When I looked up our cell phone account online, I saw where he texted her almost non-stop on his birthday while I was at work. There was a brief pause in the texts while I was home and then started back up again when I went to bed. I have been going to bed without him every night for almost 2 months.

I left my husband because he is a liar. He is obsessive. He is an alcoholic. I'm just glad I found out 3 months in rather than several years in. But, I am still heartbroken.

Comments for Texting another woman

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I can empathize!
by: KathyS

I had a weird feeling out of the blue one day and took my husband's phone from him. There were texts about how they loved each other, how she was waiting on him to leave me, how they were going to get married and how their families should meet. I was floored. Mine is an alcoholic too. I wish I'd left him. Now I'm just waiting for him to die. (I know that sounds horrible, but he has liver disease and he won't quit drinking, so really, it is a long, ugly waiting game) God bless you!

Getting married in 8 days
by: SoConfused

I woke up yesterday morning to my fiancé’s alarm. I stayed like I was asleep and faked snored. He thought I was asleep. He unlocked his phone and boom right on my face a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend from high school. Now mind you, we are 31 years old. I’ve had issues with this one woman years ago in the past. Thought it was over. I immediately jumped up out of bed and started punching him in his face. Busted his lip. Oh… how that felt good! He immediately started crying and saying sorry. He wouldn’t show his messages, even though I begged and begged. He said it would only make it worse. He said he loves me and our son. The same day he changed his phone number and gave me the password to his phone. He said they have been talking for less than a few days. He got her number from a friend. It’s literally 8 days before our wedding. What do I do?

Close Family Friend
by: April

This February, we'll be married for 24 years. As with every marriage, there have been some ups and downs, but most of that time has been wonderful. We went through serious financial difficulty 2x, almost splitting up for good 8 years ago. I wanted to split up because we couldn't see eye to eye on money issues and it caused us to disagree to the point of no return. However, he was persistent and just wouldn't leave me be. I just gave in and decided to try again. He's just charming and irresistible. I was all in and we were making changes, spending more time together.

Then I started to notice he seemed distant and treated me like a nuisance sometimes. About 4 years ago, I noticed it more and more but blamed myself. Meanwhile, there was this family that had been close to his family growing up. They had 2 boys and a girl. I always remember this girl (she was much younger and very ugly) staring at my husband with googly eyes, smiling and flirting. I never thought anything of it. My husband used to visit the mother and father and stopped over especially when he learned the father was sick. The woman would call and text my husband and I thought nothing of it.

Until I noticed how she stared at him at a restaurant. Then he talked about how her husband was angry and yelled at him. None of it made sense. Then one day I'm driving with my husband and he gets a text, then a call and he tells her he has to hang up.... Very strange. And then to make matters worse, my 15-year-old daughter saw text messages from this woman on her dad’s iPad. Texts like "hi special friend", a few more flirty words, then something about picking up lunch and bringing it to him while he worked on our rental (while I'm at work). Text that suggests they get dinner while I'm away on business.

I was mortified and I confronted him. He grabbed the iPad and erased everything. The next day I contacted the other woman’s husband so he would know what was happening. He proceeds to tell me that he found out they were texting the year before and decided nothing happened, although his wife said she talked to my husband about things she couldn't talk to her own husband about. Again, I was completely shocked. I looked through the phone records and there was a ton of texts and 5-6 calls a day for long periods of time.

He said it was a friend thing, that was flirty and nothing happened, however inappropriate the text was. I believed him. 8 months went by and now it’s close to Christmas. I got a call from the other woman's husband that he saw my husband and his wife sitting in my car in a parking lot. My husband made an excuse that she saw him and leaned into the car window to say hi. Turns out she was in my car.....

I started checking phone records again and she was calling him from various phone numbers... They were still talking to each other. Now my husband says that the other woman is a stalker. She calls and follows him around. The fact is, he was still talking to her... Still swears nothing physical happened but why would she continue to call? There must have been physical contact otherwise she would have gotten the hint.

I am completely devastated. I couldn't understand why he was acting soooo different and standoffish. But now I know it’s because he was busy with someone else. This has carried on for 2+ years. I don't want to break up but I can't let it go. We have 3 children together. The youngest will be a senior in HS next year. Others are in college. I'd like to spare my youngest but I don't know how. He apologizes and then gets nasty when I tell him how I feel about things. I will not be manipulated. This is not my doing.

I’m an idiot
by: LaDonna

Our baby was just 6 months old when I found a trail of messages going back months, telling some woman I didn’t know that he loved her and hated me yet (amongst many other things). I had no signs from him that this was going on as we were happy together. I chose counseling and to forgive him.

Fast forward to two weeks prior to giving birth to my second child. He fell asleep drunk with his phone open and I found emails to a woman in Russia trying to get a visa from him and he was making her false promises in return for dirty photos. I was so intent on not getting stressed while pregnant I just told him he was an idiot and let him stay.

Fast forward again 5 years later and a woman contacts me out of the blue admitting she’s been on and off with him for 10 years (we’ve only been married for 8 years). Her name is the exact as my eldest daughter. Heart-wrenching stuff. Don’t be so quick to forgive and let him stay or you end up feeling as stupid as I do now. He has tried to worm his way out each time with lies and more lies. Always secretive with his phone - a good sign to look out for! It’s time to go and not look back.

Broken
by: Ellen

26 years, 4 solid episodes. It’s always the same... calls, texts, Facebook messages, never admitting anything more. We have 4 kids and 3 grandchildren. This most recent time somehow feels like the final straw. He likely does love me and our family.... and I love him.... but this feeling in the pit of my stomach is gnawing away at me and slowly I feel like I am dying inside. I told him how incredibly sad I am right now... not even angry. He keeps saying he is my life partner. I want a life of joy... I am just sad. Even rocks fracture.

Husband is a sexter and has cheated... why won't I leave?
by: Brandy

I have caught my husband 3 times over the years inappropriately texting other women. The last time I caught him was over a year ago. He admitted then that he had slept with one of them. He also admitted to having a sex addiction problem.

Fast forward - he put himself through counseling and says he has overcome this. However, I do have confirmation he has a separate work phone again and I have reason to suspect he is texting someone again. Reasons I haven't left is there is too much invested - 3 children ages 16, 12 and 11 who have no idea what is going on because our relationship is so good and we do spend a lot of time together as a family. Other reasons are our financial investments, been together over 20 yrs. I know I can handle being single, but I love my life with our family. So torn on what to do. I don't even feel devastated that he is probably cheating on me again. I've thought of doing my own thing on the side, but haven't acted on it. I almost have accepted the fact that in all marriages there is cheating and is there a point to leaving?

Husband says "I love you" to another woman in text
by: SANDRA

I just found out that my husband has been having an emotional affair via text/email with a supplier at his company. He’s been telling her she’s very pretty, hot, beautiful, sexy & that he loves her. He’s also looking on Twitter & Instagram at other women & making lewd comments.

Well I caught him. He swears he’s never touched another woman in all our 21 years of marriage. I don’t believe him. He makes me sick. I haven’t left because I’m unemployed & waiting on my disability. And it would break my grandchildren’s hearts. He’s not their actual grandfather, but he’s all they’ve ever known & think the world of him. I know that’s no excuse for staying but I just can’t go at this moment. I don’t have a support system either. Any advice?

I am an idiot husband
by: Jay

I have been happily married 18 years. Two years ago I had a traumatic life experience and have been struggling to be the same. Stress and depression were pushed down deep as I tried to be strong. My wife has been very supportive and I felt like I was getting through it until three months ago I found myself at a mens club alone on an impulse. Never been to one before. Didn’t plan it and never thought I would go to one. Always thought they were kind of sad and that men who went there were sad.

Long story short, I felt terrible. I became a liar to protect my wife and myself from my selfish deeds. I sank to a new low. I still don’t know what possessed me to go. A lot of stress and depression, but maybe I am just a bad guy. I saw a counselor and she said it had to do with passive aggressive way of acting out from capitulated stress. The worst part is that I started a texting relationship with one of the girls I met. I could say that we didn’t share photos, no meetups, but I would just be rationalizing bad behavior because I carried on an inappropriate secret relationship with someone other than my wife.

I have since told my wife without getting caught although she said she could tell something was up. She was hurt and we sought help through counseling and church leaders. We are good for now and she has sort of forgiven me, but I still feel horrible. I cut the other woman off abruptly but I still think of her. I tried to tell my wife my thoughts but she won’t hear it. I don’t want to screw up the good thing I have now but something inside can’t stop caring for this other person. Honestly, I would rather be dead then divorce my wife. I have read countless websites dedicated to getting over someone, but they are mostly for guys who are dumped. None in my situation.

After reading all of these women’s stories my heart is saddened and I feel for them. It has helped me find a little strength to stay the course of putting my bad behavior behind me. I am sorry for what they have all gone through. I wish I was better than I was. If I could help any of the women here, is would be to say you don’t deserve what has been done to you. I hope you find peace and healing from the wounds us stupid husbands have caused.

Your guy probably doesn’t deserve it, but if you decide to stick it out, you’ll probably need to accept that your man is sick and in need of help, but you don’t need to enable him further. Stay strong and give him a choice. I have chosen to stick with the one that has proven her love over many years. I have not been back to the club since and I don’t feel the need to go. Here is a man hoping to do the right thing where so many have failed.

Remember who you are
by: Becca

Reading all these comments just breaks my heart. I’m going through a similar situation and let me tell you something: You need to leave him! There is no other choice. You need to choose yourself and love yourself. Respect yourself. It’s not going to be easy to leave; it’s going to hurt and it’s going to break your heart in a million pieces, but you need to leave!

They won’t change, this is a personality type. Either you are a faithful person or you are not, simple as that. Remember, you are a WOMAN and you deserve to be treated like a lady. It doesn’t matter your physical appearance, you are a Woman and you are unique on your own way. There are plenty of beautiful women out there, but you have to know you have a Beautiful soul and heart which not many people have nowadays. Beauty can’t ever replace a good soul. Remember that.

If he is caught up by appearances, let him run with a beautiful woman (he will regret his decision to leave you). You are not worth less because of anyone else’s appearance! Find your uniqueness inside you and be proud of it! Value yourself and find happiness because life is short, and you like everyone else deserves to be happy.

You need to leave NOW if you are depending on him. Start to make your plan to get out of the relationship/ marriage. You might think giving him chances over and over again is the best thing to do. But it just makes him disrespect you even more as you don’t even respect your own boundaries. Don’t go down that road, instead keep your head up and walk away my Lady! ❤️

Almost 3 years in and already the Skeleton Burst out of the Closet
by: Shalene

I literally saw a text in his phone "stating I want to **** you sooo bad." I woke him up out his sleep. When I confronted him, he asks what I was doing looking at his phone. I said maybe if you don't sleep with it or be up under the cover so much, I wouldn't have any suspicions. He then tells me I didn't see nothing on his phone, like my eyes just lied about what I've seen.

I feel like this… if you’re putting another woman before your wife and this chick clearly knows you’re married, then maybe we not for each other. I’m willing to give what's left of a meal to a stray dog, but I’m not willing to share my man.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and believed it was real. But seeing something like this is making me have thoughts of filing a divorce.

I'm hurt and it hurts even more when hurtful emotional/verbal things are said to me. But he speaks to others kindly.

They say marriages goes through things, but who wants to stay filled with inflicted emotional pain.

Same Boat
by: Katy

Do you have a hidden camera in my home??? You just described exactly what is going on in my house, except we have been married 20 years. I’m tired of being made to think I’m crazy or that I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I think it’s time to cut my losses.

All Deception
by: Wiser

What is it about "forsaking all others" that men do not understand. One woman commented that they are all deceivers/cheaters. Sadly, she is correct, and if you look, you will find that they are cheating on you in some way, usually many ways.

For Simon:
Yes Simon, you are cheating....try to justify it all you want...you are cheating and hurting your wife and you are permanently weakening, if not destroying, your wife and your marriage. You want the truth, that is it.

I'm not stupid
by: Alice

My husband has been texting his female co-worker for months, but lately it's been non-stop in the evenings and all throughout the day on weekends. He says they are just "buddies" and she is friends with a group of guys at work (which includes him). He smiles ear to ear when he texts her, and he offers me too much information about their text conversation when I catch him doing it. I've asked him to stop, but he says I'm being ridiculous. She's his buddy and nothing more, and said she's already having a relationship with another man they both work with. This female "friend" is also married. I asked him if her husband had a problem with her texting MY husband every night all night, and he just told me once again that I'm being ridiculous.

I wanted to believe him, but have caught him sneaking off to other rooms to text her. He pulls his phone away and hides it when I come up to him. I even found out that he'd deleted months’ worth of texts leading up to the first day I'd confronted him about it. He'd also deleted only "certain texts" so that the remaining texts on the phone seemed innocent. I only know that because of one of his moments of "TMI" where he told me about their conversation. Then lo and behold, that conversation wasn't on his phone.

It hurts my heart to no end to know he doesn't care about my feelings. I'm not stupid. If it were as innocent as he claims, he wouldn't feel the need to be so secretive. I've never looked through his texts in our 21 years together, and the one time I did, it wasn't what I found, but what I DIDN'T find that felt like a knife in my heart. I want so badly to fight for our marriage, but all I can think of in the back of my head is the two of them laughing about it all. I have absolutely no idea what to do, but I can't live like this much longer.

So angry
by: Amber

Hi. I am in the same situation but we have been married for 5 years. I found out he was texting another woman a few months ago, but he said it was nothing and he was just friends with her. He’s such a chatty person, I believed him that it was harmless and nothing to worry about, but asked him to stop as I didn’t agree with it.

He promised it wouldn’t happen again, but I noticed the last few days he is always on his phone. I asked him who he was messaging and he said his friends and family. But when I looked I could see it was a phone number and no name, so straight away I knew it was another woman.

I am so angry right now. I tried to get him to show me his phone but he wouldn’t and went into the bathroom to get away, probably to delete messages. Feel like such a fool for trusting him. I will never trust a living soul again, I’m so angry.

Don’t know what I can do, I want him out of the flat but not sure if I can afford it myself. I need him gone, but not sure what I will do.

Sick and Tired
by: Vicki M

I've been with my husband for 13 years and been married for 2 years. I honestly should have followed my first instinct and never turned in our marriage license. I almost didn't because I found out on the day he went to get his wedding suit, he had coffee with an ex and she kissed him. He lied about it at first but then came clean. When I called his ex, she told me that they had been sleeping together for months. Of course he denied it, but here I am 2 years later thinking that she might have been telling the truth.

I've never caught him cheating, but I have seen messages from different woman throughout the relationship. The flirtatious messages break hurts my feelings. How can someone love you but is ok with flirting with another woman? He says that they are just friends but I don't like it. Why can't a husband respect his wife enough to stop doing something that she feels is disrespectful?

If anyone is reading this, you deserve better. There are men out there who will treat you like the beautiful woman you are. Please do not settle. I'm only 30 and I've been with this man since I was 13. Do not let a man waste your perfectly good years.

I’m not that guy
by: Unsure Simon

Man’s perspective. I’ve been married for 10 years to a loving woman, and I love my wife. At my gym (my wife doesn’t go), a woman ten years younger, let’s call her Mimi, exchanged numbers with me so we could meet there occasionally as I began helping her with a fitness program. For two months it was all about gym times, but I didn’t tell my wife as I didn’t want her to become unnecessarily concerned. Then one day, Mimi broke the unwritten code and sent me a picture of her under the hair dryer at her beautician…nothing to do with fitness. I made the error of telling her she has nice hair. Slippery slope! I’ve since gotten pics of her doing everything from petting her cat to washing her car! Here’s the funny thing, at the gym we are still to this day pretty much all business, spotting weights for one another.

But somehow she’s managed to get into my head! I think about her if even a day goes by when I haven’t heard from her (rare)… she texts me several times a day (but not hundreds of times like some of these stories). She knows I’m married but never mentions my wife, nor do I tbh. I wrestle with the fact that, after 5 months total, we’ve never exchanged sexy photos or talked about sex…just little compliments like "Nice biceps" and I’ll tell her I miss her when she’s got the flu and can’t work out for a couple days.

Is this sexting? Doesn’t feel like it. Would I show these texts to my wife? No, because she’d get unnecessarily hurt and I love her too much to hurt her. So I guess this is a fitness friendship, which is motivating but not tawdry. So I’m thinking that all texting relationships are not by definition "emotional affairs", some can be simple friendships or mutual hobby friends. It hasn’t taken anything away from what I have with my wife as I don’t steal away to the basement to text for hours like those having real affairs. Mimi and I have a platonic bond, nothing more.

Is anything one spouse doesn’t tell the other mean an emotional affair? I cut corners on my taxes with my accountant and don’t tell my wife, yet I’m not having an emotional affair with my accountant lol. This whole texting society can be a "sticky wicket", but keeping it platonic is the key. Just another perspective. Thanks, Simon

Broken Hearted
by: Laci

Same with me. My boyfriend whom I dated a year and 2 months, also had this problem. I saw some texts. Talking dirty to one woman. Flirting with others. Calling them beautiful, sexy etc. He said he did nothing wrong. But I've told him to stop or I'm gone. He would message them every time we fight. Caught him on 5 different times. The last time we got in an argument was over him wanting to go to a friend's house, whom he did cocaine with, which he stopped using. I got mad and left. He went back and unblocked the girl and was talking to her not minutes after I left. And now he is wanting me back. I'm not going back to him. Because he made it a habit, a pattern to run to them girls. I'm so done.

Same here, kinda
by: Jill

My boyfriend of just a couple months fooled around with someone else and to be honest that part if it was fine, as we are still in the beginning stages of dating. But when I said to him (for the second time) that I want us to be honest about everything, especially if we are going to be intimate with other people. I told him to just say "ok" and be done with it, because if he lied more about it, it was going to end it. He said ok, but I haven't been with anyone else. So that sealed it for me. You can mess around with whoever you want until we decide to be exclusive and/or serious, but don't tell me you're going to bed early when you're really going to go sleep with someone. It’s the dishonesty, not the act itself.

Just over it
by: Brenda

Just finished reading all the posts. There are so many that relate to me so much! I've been with my husband for 20 years. Once again I caught him texting another woman (who is married herself) and even giving her gifts and paying for her nails to get done. I spoke with her on the phone finally after he denied and denied and I finally found the truth. She told me they were just friends, but she did admit he would try to hit on her and call her beautiful and whatnot. Stuff he doesn't ever say to me.

This is the 6th time I’ve caught him doing something throughout the years. This just feels like it’s my last. Although I've never caught him being physical with anyone, it doesn't matter. I literally cannot stand the heartache and betrayal, the lies anymore! I just turned 39 a few weeks ago and he’s 43. He is getting older and very overweight, just being honest. I've always tried to keep myself looking good. I can't believe he would have the nerve to continuously cheat on me.

Now he's calling around trying to set up counseling. Trying hard to get me back. We've never tried counseling, he’s such a serial liar that I honestly think all he will do is lie. I honestly don't know what to do, but part of me wants to leave and find someone who won't break my heart.

Same issue
by: Maria R

Hey I have the same thing. My husband and I have been married for 8 months. But it never felt like a marriage. He is constantly texting an ex of his and flirting with her and lies to me about not talking to her. He won't let me see his phone. He tells me we need boundaries. He also constantly yells at me and swears at me and abuses me verbally and emotionally.

He blames me for his behavior, saying he isn't this person without me. He doesn't drink or smoke or take drugs. Told me it's boring to be with one person your whole life. He always Googles other pretty women from TV and tells me I'm boring so he has to do that. I am stuck with him because my whole status to be in his country is dependent on him. I feel broken and have no money of my own as I couldn't work till I got my status here.

What does this mean?
by: Conflicted in Colorado

I have been married for over 7 years but I have a problem. I am always texting girls online, but I never meet them or anything. Its only texting and my wife catches me once in a while just texting. Is that a disease that men have? I have never been with another woman beside my wife since we got married, but am always chatting online with different people.

Cheating partner
by: Janet

Hi I’m sorry to hear that you also are going through hell with infidelity.

I have been with my partner for 10 years plus, but got a gut feeling he was messaging other women. How right I was, like 5 of them including topless pictures.

I have told the one woman’s husband what she was up to. She DM'S me saying thanks for ruining my marriage. Lol. I said your welcome, but it is you who ruined your marriage you silly cow.

What to do?
by: Roxie G

I've been looking on the Internet for help. Two days ago I asked my husband about a message I saw ping up on his phone. The message said I'm going to bed now, hope you had a good evening with a kiss and pink heart emoji. It appears that he and a women he knows from his online gym classes have been using Facebook DMs to chat to each other for about 4 months.

I have asked to see his phone to review the messages but he refuses and states that he has deleted them. He maintained they are friends and nothing more. However, other people at the gym said that there is an emotional connection from when she helped him last year at the gym when he broke his leg.

We have been together for almost 30 years since we were teenagers. I know I am now middle aged, overweight and going through the menopause, so it’s no wonder he's looking for something new and exciting. I have seen a picture of her, she's gorgeous.

So what do I do?

Once a cheat, kick him to the curb
by: OP

Don't feel bad. I'm also in the process of divorcing my husband after 5 months of marriage. During our brief marriage, he's shown me he is an alcoholic, jealous, a liar and a cheat. He brought another woman to our house during New Year’s Eve last year while I was gone on a break out of town for two weeks to see my parents. He couldn't go with me because of work. On New Year’s Eve, he and the tramp got drunk and stayed together in the house until the wee hours of the morning doing who knows what. To their surprise, they were spotted by my neighbors, who later proceeded to tell me the whole story.

He has since quit his job with the excuse that he wasn't making enough money at his job and he needed to go to college so he can increase his prospects of making more money in the future. Mind you, my husband is 45-years-old this year.
Since he and I split up two months ago, I've found out he's been continuing to communicate with her and was working to see yet another woman on Facebook. Not embarrassed by his actions, he still comes around to my neighbors asking them to convince me to let him back into our house. He has even called my coworkers at work trying to make me change my mind. I currently have a few police reports against him for harassment.

Be careful, these types of men lack morals and just like the devil, they are out there to steal, kill and destroy unsuspecting women like us. You will find someone else that's better in the future. You will be glad you ended things quickly with this trash of a man as soon as you realized.

Same here...
by: Bec

I am in the same boat. A woman from hubby's work started going to the same gym as him on lunches, then they started riding together. I would see people from the gym and they would ask if we were still together. I knew something wasn't right, so I asked to see his phone and he refused. I asked for the password for the mobile account and he refused again. I applied for a new password on the account and had the temporary password sent to my phone instead of his.

Then I found out why he had not wanted me to see this: for that one woman in the past 8 months there were 111,645 texts!!! Who does that? And that isn't even the only one he has been texting either. Another woman he had texted over 9000 times in a month. And when I presented all of my finding his response was "So?" Yep...I kicked him out. I am done.

Same situation as you
by: Lynn

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s infidelity. This is the very reason why my husband and I are getting a divorce. He says they are "just friends" and that an emotional affair is the stupidest thing he's ever heard of. He used to text and call her all day and all night long, erased all messages so I can't read them, and basically said that I drove him away and to his "friend". It hurts....but I have to think of my son and try to move on and be happy… I hope it gets easier.

Texting another woman after 25 years of marriage
by: Miss M
I have been married for 25+ years and recently discovered my husband has been secretly texting an ex female co-worker. I had always expressed my concerns about his communicating personal family issues to her while they worked together, but thought that would all end when he changed jobs.

After being in a new position for almost 1 year, I learned he has been texting the former co-worker all along. The texts were numerous…almost 900 per month and just as others said, all were deleted promptly. When I approached him about the texting, he minimized the situation, stating they are only friends and since they worked together for so long, they kept in touch. His solution was to text her yet again telling her I was accusing him of having an affair, so to not text him any longer and if I asked her about it to let me know it was only a friendship deal. Weird thing is that he claims to have only sent that final text, yet the bill shows 2 other texts sent around the same time.

Knowing how I felt about this woman and obviously knowing what he was doing was wrong because he chose to hide it for so long, struck me like a ton of bricks. I feel betrayed and my trust level is at an all-time low. His former co-worker has never made an attempt to set the record straight, which I would do if I was unjustly accused of having an affair with a married man, which only adds fuel to my distrust. Not sure what to do here. Having been lied to for almost one year is devastating.

Disappointed
by: Margaret

I been married 4 months now and have been seeing a strange behavior in my husband. We were arguing over everything. He has one failed relationship with the mother of his kid. He has been so protective of his phone, and I've been seeing insane texting with him receiving texts at the wee hours of the night. So I began to be suspicious, and just the other night I found a text from this girl and today I found 2 other text from other girls. I'm disappointed and cannot believe that our marriage could be over.

Texting
by: Anonymous

Be proud of yourself, leaving now. I am finally filing my petition this week, at 43 and after 10 years of marriage. And I’m taking my 2 young boys with me. The last few years it has been different women, none locally, but it’s still hurtful. And the lying! We even tried counseling. What was the last straw? 4000 (how is that even possible?) text messages between him and 1 woman last month. Enough said; I'm gone.

Said he was texting a male friend
by: Christine

It's been 5 months apart for us. And it began with him erasing all his texts (no history, ever). And like you said, the calls, walking into another room. Only he told me it was a friend (male)... turns out he had been having the affair pretty much as soon as I noticed. Just didn't want to face what was right in front of our noses. She wasn't a friend, she was (and is) his girlfriend.

Narcissist husband
by: SouthCarolinaMomma0621

I have been married to my husband for two years, together for three. I’m 26 and he took me from my ex-husband. Sometimes I think back to it and feel like it was almost literal. My husband is 43 and very, very handsome and very successful. At first I used to think damn, I’m the sexy younger wife he brought in to run his businesses and be next to him.

And now I realize he had me by his side to control me. I don’t look beautiful, I don’t feel beautiful and I’m really unhappy with myself. He’s constantly cheating on me with women who work for us, who say he is giving money to them. I’m constantly told I am doing something wrong, whether it is the way I do the dishes or care for our son that we planned because we thought we were falling out of love. He only hit me two separate times and of course "both were my fault". But I’m realizing now my son will be better without his parents together and that doesn’t make it bad. If he’s 43 and single, he’s not picking you because you're the hot wife. He is picking you because no-one his age wants him.

Younger girl he was being a good friend to. Lol
by: Rose

I've been with husband since I was fifteen years old. I had two children right out of High School and was a full time mom that worked night hours when my husband came home... As far back as I remember, my husband was chasing or flirting with other girls. He always told me I was starting a fight or crazy. Fast forward twenty nine years and many more lies and humiliation later – I picked up his phone, opened it and saw he was carrying on with a thirty year old woman... He denied it as usual. I called her and she said I had it wrong, that he was like a father figure to her. Lol. The text said otherwise. Wish me luck everyone - I’m seeing a lawyer on Tuesday.

What do I do?
by: Caroline

My husband of 20 years is texting a woman from work who previously worked for him. About 5 years ago I discovered that he was having an affair with her and I confronted him. After a fight and me kicking him out, we got back together. We have a daughter together. Things were going well until he started changing toward me, so I checked his phone and saw that she is sending him naked pictures of herself. I am so angry I can't think straight. I just want to cry, I know if I confront him he is going to deny it.

I am so heartbroken right now. I keep asking myself "why does he betray me?" Is it because I have gained 10 pounds? I am smart and successful and good looking, why would he do this to me? I feel like such a fool!

Things are not always as they seem
by: Heather S.

My partner of 8 years started talking to a co-worker one year ago. Things stared to get rough. He started going out on the weekends again. He would get upset if he thought this co-worker was hanging put with another guy. And then I saw some text messages between them. One was a picture that stated sexual harassment was okay in the work place and there were face shots of her and he had sent face shots of him. Let's just say I immediately got sick to my stomach. I am 7 years older than her and have two children.

I know he is emotionally attached to her. I told her to get a life and told him to stop or I was done. He turned it around and said I was in the wrong, that everyone should be allowed friends. So when I asked why I couldn't have friends, he replied I would probably have sex with them. I know he is here because of the kids. He has an older son with another women and is worried about separating yet again as his first girlfriend left him for another guy.

It is hard to rationalize this. He has had opioid addiction, squandered all of my resources to pay for his addictions, we lost our home... He got help and I was hoping we could pull ourselves out of this mess and be happy. But it has all put a toll on us. We cannot trust or relax. I have been experiencing posttraumatic syndrome. I cannot even drive now without panicking.

And now he just wants to throw me away if I don't allow him to continue to do as he pleases. I often wonder if there are good men out there. At 37, I have not met one yet. I hope to raise my boy better than this. People should work together as a team. Not point in blaming and running from responsibilities.

My heart is breaking
by: Gabrielle

I have been with this man for three years going on four. He has been texting other women since our first year together. I confront him and he says I’m crazy or insecure. He has cheated on me multiple times and one lady says she has his baby. We have two children together and all I want is for him to love me the way I love him. I realized he will never stop, no matter how much I cry or tell him how it hurts me. I don’t know what else to do and I’m falling into depression because I don’t feel good enough for him. The girls he’s texting are in better shape than me and wear a lot of makeup and it makes me feel as if I’m not attractive or I’m ugly. I’m just hurt basically.

Once a liar, always a liar
by: I'm moving on

My husband previously sent flirty texts to his ex (the mother of his daughter). He convinced me that there was nothing to it and he would also never do it again - I wanted to believe it as I loved him. 2 years ago I caught him sexting a work colleague and it had been going on for 4 months. I was gutted and in total shock and kicked him out of the house. He begged me to take him back and told me that he had been depressed and had really had a wake up call. Once again I wanted to believe him and I took him back. You've no doubt guessed it - yes I caught him at it again flirting with the same ex! Once again he's contrite, claims he's been depressed and nothing physical has happened its only a text. This time he's out and I'm moving on.

After 25 years of marriage, dealing with his alcoholism and lying
by: Carrie

After 25 years, I too have now come across this same situation. I'm the one who feels so stupid because I have forgiven him time and time again. Last night, my suspicions were aroused at 10:30am, I thought yep he's had a few already. I'm at a point where I make no excuse for my feelings and always put them out so the record is straight. I try to ignore my gut, but sometimes you just know something is not right and I was right. Between the phone calls and texts during the day, then when I saw a guilty face. Even then I still thought it was alcohol, but something in me made me check his iPad messages (he checks mine all the time but I have nothing to hide so I don't care) and lo and behold someone had requested a quote & there it was, he had turned the conversation into a pick up, must of busted his ego as she declined. But it affects our business! He already burned himself in our area with his alcohol and now this too is probably why.

I have endured 10 years of alcoholism with him, I have been through his nasty detoxes, and supported him the whole way! I have never strayed from the marriage through turbulent times because I believe in my vows to try salvage what we had. I also believed that once he became sober he would realize what he actually has right in front of him, a huge loving family. I always thought (because of this) it was during his relapses was when he slipped up. But obviously not.

It's not the first time, he has either been too stupid to be caught or he has been stopped in his tracks. This time however, being caught red handed (because he wasn't quick enough on the delete button) was a fantastic 'explain yourself' moment.
He was not remorseful nor sorry for his actions, he only said 'I don't know why!' He even tried to turn it around and then asked me to leave. After a huge argument (and yes I lost my temper and gave him a few shoves and pushes for his actions), I stood my ground and made him leave. I may not be perfect, but all our problems have been initiated by him. He has been the one slipping up and that's the only reason we fight, otherwise I am just a placid soul who comes from work and cooks some dinner and asks "how was your day".

When you love someone, the hardest thing is letting them go. And I do love him, otherwise after everything we have gone through I would have been long gone. He is a functioning alcoholic, with a self-destructive persona (he never was aggressive only snarly at times) and has medical issues. He has no license, has cost us thousands in court fees and fines, and I keep stumbling across all the hidden spots for booze around the house. The scariest thing is what do I do now?

Today I need to tell our 24 & 26 year old. I'm humiliated again, so their father can explain that. Our kids have already had enough of everything else so I don't know how they will react.

All I've ever done is try, and the text messaging was the straw that broke the camel’s back last night.

I guess I could write a massive biography of what we have been through (I think anyone who lives with an addict knows the pain you go through), how my life every 3-4 weeks is turned upside down. It took me a year and a half of therapy to become confident again and know how to manage my anxiety after reaching an alarming state of worry. To still have this as the end result makes me feel shattered at all the effort I have put in to not have the same returned.

I'm gutted; I feel sick and confused but know this has to be done. We have never separated. I have always held him back, but I now know that this is still infidelity regardless of no physical contact, it's no respect to our marriage especially. I have heard on numerous occasions, "I love you, I want you to be happy, you are my world", but never a sorry though.

He knows he needs to gain my trust, he knows what he's done in the past but yet it is in the too-hard basket. I can't and don't want another 10 years of this, I’m literally tired of being tired. 28 years together, my first of everything all to end like this.

I feel robbed.

Dont wait too long
by: Robin

Reading all of these stories broke my heart. My message for anyone reading this is to be cautious when thinking that things will change for the better. My husband has been texting women for years (my gut had told me there was something going on and I finally checked his phone). But it never crossed a certain line as the women were not interested and either ignored him or asked "where is your wife". (He only goes for stunning women).

Then the usual situation happens when you confront them. They change the topic to how it was an invasion of their privacy to check their phone, which you cannot argue with. I never left as I felt that it had not gone past a certain point, so maybe it was not that bad? Fast forward and after 13 years of being together, now a woman is finally interested and he wants a divorce. At 40 I need to start over and I couldn't even say the past years have been that happy.

So I would say to you that if there are multiple instances of texting and ANY hint of them shifting the blame or getting aggressive, then it is best to leave. I don't like the person that I became while I was around him. I hope I can at least find some happiness now, even though I made some silly decisions. They say it’s never too late.

Texting other women after 22 years of marriage
by: Helen
I caught my husband having conversations through Facebook. I confronted him about this and told him I feel betrayed. He promised me he would not do this again. I forgave him. Then I caught him again having conversations with another woman through Facebook. Of course he said it didn't not mean anything... I am confused. I am so angry and feel betrayed. It seems like I can't trust him anymore.

Texting husband
by: Cindy

Thank you for sharing your stories. I too caught my husband of fifteen years texting other women. I was heartbroken and destroyed. I felt so depressed and ashamed. I was literally broken. He promised me that nothing happened and he would never do that again.

Three weeks later I caught him texting the neighbor who is single and who happens to have a child that is great friends with our kids. This time I just can't forgive him. I’m so hurt. Apparently I'm the joke of the neighborhood. Should I just divorce him?

Husband messaging former co-worker
by: Carole

I have just found out that my husband of 23 years has been messaging and what’s-upping a previous work colleague. I know that he has not done anything physically and when I confronted him, he apologized and said that he knew some of the conversations were wrong, but he saw it as how he normally banters with the boys. She was going through a hard time with her husband, but they were talking of deleting stuff!! And I was really upset this happened last week and I am really struggling with it all.

I do believe him that he won't contact her again and he is normally a loving kind husband to me. I was so shocked that he would even do this. I cannot talk to anyone about it as I do not want anyone to know. I have not been to work for a couple of days and just keep crying. I love him so much and I know that he loves me.

Old crush
by: Debbie

I feel for everyone posting essentially the same thing - that our husbands have been texting other women. I figured out something was off when I realized he was constantly texting where I wouldn't see him. I know for sure he's been texting an old crush from high school, telling her our marriage was terrible, I'm awful, etc. I felt destroyed, betrayed and heartbroken. Had to still live in the same house for a while and it broke my heart every time I looked at him.

But after only a few months I no longer feel the pain, I look at him and think about how easy it was for him to lie to my face and be disloyal. Early on in this traumatic time I started working out and trying to look good in order to help my battered self-esteem. Not being able to eat or sleep for weeks helped to lose weight, lol. I have lots more confidence now than I did a few months ago. I've been getting out more and planning a new future for myself after twenty six years together. I realize now that he is just a self-centered selfish jerk and he can't hurt me anymore. I am free. :)

If you have a hunch... you’re probably right!
by: Brandy

Ladies, stop driving yourself crazy. I know it hurts. My husband recently was found texting an old acquaintance of mine. He added her from my Facebook friends list. We were fighting and all his messages were either bashing me, or telling her "let’s run away to Hawaii together!" He asked if he could go out with some guys from AA. I had a BAD feeling, had no idea about the girl ... but still knew something was wrong.

I checked his phone as he slept thru the morning after his late night out... and no guys from AA. My "friend" drove an hour to meet him at Dave n Busters all night. And previous texts indicate they had it planned all week. Meanwhile, the VERY day before, he was going to counseling for his anger and depression, then setting us up for marriage counseling.

Like HOW do you to tell me you want this to work, then you pull this?! He’s being apologetic and did block her and I demanded she block him as well. It seems like he’s sorry... but I caught him last year texting other women too. All his texts were bashing me and flirting with them, telling them "Sweet dreams, you’re such an amazing person, text me in the morning :) "

Of course I get the typical guy excuse: "It wasn’t flirting! We were just friends!" IS NOT JUST FRIENDS, YOU IDIOT. I want to puke all over him. I’ve been sobbing every day for weeks. He seems like he’s trying to make it better but I know deep down, they never do.

I cry and feel broken every day and he scolds me for not trying to make this work. Are you f***ing kidding me!?!?!

Plus his anger problems, violent behavior, holding guns to his head in my face screaming he’s going to kill himself, physical fights, locking me out of the house, screaming inappropriate things loud enough for my 5 year old to overhear.... I can’t take it.

Married for almost a year
by: Crystal

My husband and I have only been married for 9 months. And until 3 months ago I thought we had a really good marriage and relationship. I thought I married my best friend and soul mate. However 3 months ago, I started to notice how clingy he was to his phone and his behavior changed. He would leave the house randomly and claim it was business related. But my extinct knew otherwise.

I decided to check his phone one day while he slept in, and lo and behold, found texts back from before we got married up until now. He texted so many women on Facebook and even exchanged numbers with some, flirting and sexting. I can’t prove he slept with anyone, but I wouldn’t be surprised. By the way we’re having a baby. I’m 5 months pregnant and he’s been entertaining other women the entire time.

After confronting him, he denied it (of course) and I showed him proof. He finally admitted and I decided to put him out, he begged to come back and after a month I took him back. Fast forward to today, I found him messaging another random woman on FB. And it’s safe to say, I’m leaving him and never looking back.

Same here
by: Dana
We've been together since 9th grade and have been married for almost 2 years. He’s my everything and I don’t know who I am without him. When we first got married I found out he was texting other girls and I told him to stop. He did for a couple months or so and then started back. He's texted girls off and on for almost 2 years. And I keep having the same argument with him. Recently he was talking to a girl I had told him to stop talking to, and told me I was controlling who he talks to... I finally told him I can't go on like this anymore, it hurts me and if it happens again I'm done. And that if he loved me he would stop cheating... He told me that if I loved him I would stay. I don't know what to do because I love him so much, but I don't think he loves me the same way....

I feel heartbroken
by: Tina

My daughter found texts from another woman in my husband’s phone, things like I need to be careful as I'm texting. She calls him sexy legs. Then he says he loves her and his next message says a bit more. He then asked to see her lady parts and she texts back "would you really want to". I found out 2 days before our 25th anniversary, which I was really looking forward to and felt so proud that we were still in love.

I've been working towards a university degree and haven't been giving him much attention, but he said it's not my fault. He was extremely drunk but admitted texting her for a few weeks. Swore that nothing physical happened (which I believe, plus her response sort of said nothing physical had happened). I asked him if he loved me and he said he does and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He said it started as just 2 work colleagues having banter but it went too far. He can't explain why and said they both knew nothing would've ever happened.

I am so hurt. I have idolized him and used to say with confidence that I knew 100% he wouldn't cheat. I am so hurt that I can't stop crying and it's constantly occupying my mind. We have been really close since and he promised he wouldn't stay with me through loyalty and that he would tell me if he stopped loving me. But even though our love life has improved and we're spending more time together, I have a gut feeling that he doesn't love me. Is this paranoia or should I listen to my gut. I don't think I could face life without him but can't live a lie.

2 weeks
by: Heartbroken Newlywed

I just found out my fiancé of almost 4 years started texting another girl two weeks before our wedding. He has been texting and having lunch with her up until this day and I just found out. He said I never show him enough affection and he didn't want to hurt my feelings before the wedding. I feel heartbroken and don't know what to do. I said I would work with him on our marriage but it's only been 2 weeks. Should I continue to try and work on it?

Found my husband texting someone
by: Jennifer

My husband and I were only dating for 5 months before we got married. Before we got married, he would text women and would ask when was their first time, what are you wearing and other suggestive stuff. I thought it stopped, but right after we got married in September of last year (on our honeymoon at that) he was doing it again and he says it was because we were fighting.

I had to go back home in November and we had gotten into a fight over the phone. Apparently he had went out, bought some beers, went back to the hotel and started sexting another women. The texts said his address for the hotel (NO Room Number though) and it looked like some of her replies were deleted. He says he woke up the next day and saw what he wrote and vowed never to drink again... he never told me. I found it on his phone 3 months later… First he says "I'm sorry it's my fault and it won't happen again" and then he says it was when we were fighting (like blaming me). I love him so much but it's like I am not good enough.

Gaming "friend"
by: DianeD

My husband of 5 years has always been loyal and I have always loved the fact I could trust him and not worry. For a while now he kept talking about this girl who is friends with one of our friends. I knew of her from our mutual friend and they all play online video games with each other. My husband is a bit of a nerd (which I don't mind). At first I didn't mind too much, but I got really curious when she started messaging him through Facebook.

Today while he was sleeping in I wanted to see what they talked about so I looked through all of the messages. It hurt so much to see him telling this complete stranger how horrible I am and all the things he's upset about me.

We've been going through a rough time this past year. He got out of the military and financially we have been hurting which is causing problems in our marriage. I never thought he would turn to another woman. There were very flirty conversations between them and it definitely seemed like the beginning of something more...I don't know what to do cause he keeps saying she is just a friend and he hasn't done anything wrong....I'm just heartbroken and he doesn't even see it...

Same here!
by: Lora

It’s so interesting and saddening to read everyone’s comments. I only stumbled across this page after googling "my husband won’t stop texting other women". I’ve been married 20 years and I honestly thought my husband really loved me and what we had was special. I never ever thought he’d cheat on me. But, here goes-

After about 2/3 yrs. of marriage he used to go swimming once or twice a week. No big deal he was trying to keep fit. Turns out he used to "chat" and made friends with several different women. He admitted once some time later that he never told one that I existed - didn’t lie about me but I just never happened to come up in conversation. She even asked him to go on holiday with her. Now back then I was young and stupid and didn’t really think too much of it.

Fast forward to being married 10 yrs. He used to come home and talk about a women at work a lot. Again I trusted him. No reason not to. One Sunday morning I found a text on his phone from "Mark" that said "I miss you". My heart was racing. I ran out the front door with the phone and rang the number and you’ve guessed it, a woman answered. He swore nothing went on. That he was flattered by the attention blah, blah, blah. At one point he even tried to say it was my fault. It’s never his.

I left him and went to stay with my mom. But stupidly I went back. Biggest mistake of my life. If I hadn’t gone back I’d be happy by now. By going back I’ve suffered for another 10 yrs.

What he does now is finds all sorts of women on any kind of social media. He knows exactly what he’s doing as always manages to befriend ladies who are middle aged, a bit over weight and ugly. Sorry but it’s true. He does it as he knows they are more likely to fall for his BS. He says some nice things and makes them feel good. But WHY? Why does he do it?

He never stops. He’s just goes from one to the next. When it gets a bit hot he’ll block them and move onto the next. He always deletes the messages but sometimes I manage to get to his phone before he does. Why if as he claims it’s all innocent and no problem does he delete them then?

I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. I feel as though I’m not good enough and always feel so sad. What he doesn’t realize it I don’t love him like I used to. I resent him for what he’s put me through but I mostly suffer in silence.

He’s not a very nice husband, he’s been abusive to me and gets nasty if I try to tell him how he makes me feel. He works hard at his job but does nothing round the home. Tonight for example he was winding our 14yr old daughter up at the dinner table. All unnecessary. I got a bit annoyed asked him to stop and he got up from the table shouted at me and chucked his tea in the kitchen sink.

That’s my life. I spend the whole time either trying to not make him angry or paranoid he’s talking to other women.

Why don’t I leave? He’s made it quite clear if the marriage ends I’ve got to leave as it’s his house - it’s actually ours! Our kids are 14 & 20. I’ve got a nice house. If I walk, I walk with nothing. I know you’ll say I’m entitled to half but he won’t go for it. I’d have to go through the courts. So what do I do in the mean time?

I’ve just accepted that I have to either wait for him to leave me, wait for the kids to have left home so I’m on my own or wait for him to die.

Too tired to care anymore
by: Colleen

My husband is like many described here. He’s a generally nice guy but doesn't have a clue about having a proper marital relationship. In the beginning I had a lot of issues with depression. He chose to deal with it by sleeping with some woman he met online. After denying it for so long he finally half admitted to it, even though I spoke to the woman and she confirmed what happened.

A couple of years later he said he no longer wished to be romantic with me in any way but he wanted to remain friends because I was his best friend. He also wanted a divorce. He claims to want to be alone but it's a lie. He has another cell phone that he uses to talk to the gaggle of women he talks to. He tells them he loves them, gives them money.

He thinks that what he is doing is ok. He won't even admit that he's doing anything wrong. I used to get angry at the women, but it's him. I finally got a chance to look at that phone. I wasn't even upset about it anymore. I just don't care anymore.

He says texting and talking on the phone isn't cheating
by: Cindy

So my husband and I have been married for 9 years. Last year on our anniversary I got an inbox message from a guy. It read that my husband had been talking and texting and receiving racy photos from his finance. They work at the same company. Then the man called me like 20 minutes later to tell me sorry he had the wrong guy.

It seemed very fishy to me so I started looking into it. My husband, by the way, was telling me for the 3 months after I found out that he never talked to her .

So come to find out, I found her number all over our phone records and he finally admitted one night that he did text and talk to her on the phone but that was it, he never slept with her. So he says in his eyes he didn't cheat. He had said so many promising things to me when we married and broke all of them so far.

I have become disabled since we got married. I have tons have health issues now. I still try to do my best to be a good wife, mother and grandmother. I just can't seem to get past the fact he doesn't believe he cheated. I think if he doesn't think that was cheating he will do it again. Am I wrong… do you think it is cheating? I clean the best I can, do his laundry, cook dinners, and get our youngest on and off the bus every day. I go to all out sons sports games.

I just don't understand.

Speechless
by: Shell L

I am saving this thread for future when I have more time to thoroughly read each & every single woman's personal experiences responded. I simply googled "my boyfriend admitted he's been texting another woman but refuses to let me see the messages". And I stumbled upon this feed...

It saddens me so much that regardless of age, history, level of intimacy & closeness of relationship, men continue to do such stupid things. It's maddening to me, especially being the mom of two sons. I have proudly raised them as a single mom for a reason. I have always been & will always remain to keep the end in mind... to raise them to become better men than so many other men out there. It's sad to me that many men (women too) have so many deep seeded childhood anger & hurt that were swept under the rug so far away that they haven't been dealt with & most often will never be dealt with.

Wrapping up... I am thankful for this thread, I am saddened however. I just don't think I have fallen in love with & given all my love to the right man for me, yet again. I have decided to take an oath to myself & God that I will not fall in love or give my sacred love to any man for A VERY LONG TIME, maybe never again. But I am ok with that, I am ready to start living my life alone & excited to think I don't have to worry about any other man spreading his unmanaged toxic demons into my life. I feel free to think I no longer have to worry about it. Truth is ladies (another thing I've learned, hard to accept but it’s true) ---- IF A MAN TRULY LOVES YOU, HE WILL DO ANYTHING IN ORDER TO BECOME YOUR EVERYTHING. HE WILL SUPPORT YOU, ENCOURAGE YOU ALWAYS, HE WILL BELIEVE IN YOU, HE WILL NOT DOUBT YOUR INTENTIONS OR INTEGRITY. HE WILL REALIZE THE VALUE OF YOUR PRECIOUS PRESENCE HERE ON EARTH, HE WILL HAVE UTMOST RESPECT FOR YOU & WOULD NOT DARE EVEN DREAM OF JEOPARDIZING YOUR LOVE THAT YOU SHARE.

It started so innocently
by: Shauna

Leave that creep. He sounds dishonest and he sounds like a liar, like all of them are. I am not a swimsuit model, but I can hold my own and I have also wasted an enormous percentage of my life trying to hold my marriage together for my children's sake. I would leave him immediately and start a new life with someone honest. I am so grateful for what you wrote, as it sounds just like what I am living through and until I read your note I too, was afraid to leave my husband. Reading your story made me realize what a horrendous situation I am living in. I imagine your friends and family are telling you to leave him. He sounds like a jerk and you deserve so much more!

Duped but not Done
by: Annie

Look out for the Uber/Lyft driver excuse. Mine of 22 years used his side job to get away to see his "just friend" with whom he had a 5-year affair with. They both said they never got physical but after 5 years of secret rendezvous and learning each other over private, always deleted texts, I cannot believe they didn’t get intimate.

We separated but reconciled - this took 3 years because I was determined to make him earn me and my love back. He did and appeared to be a new husband. Transparent and all with his phone until he changed the password and didn’t tell me. Oh, transparency...you fickle thing.

Two days ago, I found the new target listed in his contacts as a man, a supervisor at that, from his new job. He forgot to delete one of the texts and I immediately confronted him because the tone of the text was not how he addresses men at all - especially not a boss. I was right, it was a woman from work. He said the usual... we're just a friend, we talk about work, blah blah blah. They’d been texting for 3 months.
He went through the usual tactics... circular talking to confuse me and make me forget what I was trying to say, making it seem like I don’t want him to have female friends, and blame shifting. But never an apology to me for doing the exact same thing that broke us up the first time - secret inappropriate contact with women from work. I’m just glad I caught it three months in this time and not five years later. I am strong enough now to divorce him.

Ladies, they don’t change. But they sure as hell will sell you the dream of change. We cling to that hope so desperately. Do not accept their lies as reality. Accept reality as reality - he is cheating on you and does not value you or your relationship. Even if you cannot leave for whatever reason, work most on loving you, taking care of yourself in some loving way each day. Even if it’s a bath but you sob pitifully through the whole thing, fine. Do it. But try, just try to put less energy into him and more Love, Care, and Energy back into you. He’s not going to magically wake up and infuse you with it. He’s probably too busy lining up his next ego boost to give your emotional state a second thought.

It’s not you sis! It’s them. This is all on them.

Texting a younger woman
by: Marilyn

My husband and I have known this girl for 15 years because she previously dated my son, but in last 6 months my husband has been obsessed with her. She's 29 years old and has 2 kids. It started as him picking up her child at school, then secretly spending time with her alone. Now he's secretly texting her behind my back and he deleted the text but not before I read it. He was asking her if she was home and she said yes but couldn't come out because her child was home. She texted she was free that Monday and he replied OK catch up with you later. She claims nothing is going on, and he just gets defensive when I confront him. So this tells me they both are being dishonest about these messages, but I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. Should I leave or stay because he's already had an affair 2 years ago, now this?

Why I never learn
by: Anna

My husband sent a Facebook message saying "How's the hottest woman I know doing?" and it wasn't to me. I left the message open on his computer screen and went to work.

We will have been married 21 years on Sept 21st. I am 50. He is 58. He has admitted to a few affairs over the years and I chose to stay married and raise our two kids in a stable home environment. The "lady" in question is one of my "suspects" from a few years ago.

I guess I'm now ready to pull the plug. Why didn't I ever learn?

Texting another woman
by: Becca
Last January, I discovered my husband talking and texting with another woman. I then looked over our cell account... 162 texts in one day and hours on the phone. He first had multiple arrays of excuses... but I didn't buy any of them. He promised he would never talk to her again... But it was a lie. I caught them snapchatting, which doesn't show on your phone.

During this time, our relationship was rough and his treatment of me was terrible. My gut was telling me something was up and now it made sense. This February I confronted him again, asking "are you talking to her". This I knew was true, but he denied it and I asked him how easy it was to lie to my face. He then admitted he was talking to her thru snapchat. I asked at a later time if he ever stopped and he said yes. I asked how long it had been since he stopped and he said: "I don't know". Then I told him I wanted the truth and he told me he stopped for 2 weeks. He said I need to believe him that he won't talk to her and I need to just trust him. I replied I thought that was what I was already doing. I don't trust him and probably never will and he will most likely do it again...I want out.

Ugh!
by: Laci

My husband's alarm was going off on his phone this morning. When I went to shut it off, I noticed he had a text from his ex-girlfriend. Needless to say, they were texting inappropriate things. This is the third time and her being 1 of 2 that I know of. He tells me his therapist says he does it when he is mad at me because he is being passive-aggressive. I think I need to get out now but I’m going to try therapy for our 3-year-old's sake.

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