Free Divorce Mediation Checklist - Get Prepared for Successful Negotiations

By Tracy Achen, Divorce Coach

Unless you’ve been through mediation before, you might be feeling overwhelmed by the thought of mediating the issues in your divorce. Even though mediation is less costly and combative than a court battle, you still need to know what to expect. One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is by using this free divorce mediation checklist to prepare you for the process.

By knowing what documents to gather, developing the right mindset, and avoiding common pitfalls, you can approach your mediation sessions with confidence.

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What Happens in Divorce Mediation?

During divorce mediation, you and your spouse will meet with a mediator to discuss and resolve issues related to your divorce. The mediator acts as a neutral third party to facilitate the negotiations, helping both of you reach a mutually agreeable settlement without making decisions for you.

Generally, the mediator will contact both of you to get information about your marriage, what issues you’re facing, and any relevant financial information. The mediator will then schedule a session that will give you an overview of the mediation process and have you sign a confidentiality agreement that says the details of the mediation sessions won’t be discussed during court proceedings. 

After that, it may take several sessions to work through all the issues in your divorce. Basically, everything that will be addressed in your divorce agreement can be decided during divorce mediation, including spousal and child support, splitting assets and debt, and child custody issues. Each spouse also has the right to walk away from negotiations and continue the fight in court if an agreement can’t be reached.

Divorce mediation is generally effective in reaching an agreement between spouses. According to the Family Mediation Council, mediation helps resolve over 70% of divorce cases. Mediation also tends to be much more cost-effective and quicker than litigation.

Why Preparing for Divorce Mediation Matters

Taking the time to properly prepare for divorce mediation can significantly impact the outcome of your discussions and negotiations. Mediation is your opportunity to work together with your spouse to find fair solutions, rather than letting a court decide your future. Being prepared helps you stay focused on your goals, protect your financial interests, and saves you time and money.

Preparing for divorce mediation involves gathering important financial documents, any relevant court documents, making a list of assets and debts, and preparing a budget. It's also essential to be ready to discuss key issues like child custody, support, and property division to make sure your mediation sessions are productive.

Before mediation begins, you need to identify your priorities. This includes things you must have, areas where you can compromise, and long-term goals for you and your children. You also need to emotionally prepare for the mediation process and identify your main goals and priorities. This will help you make sure you make deliberate decisions during your negotiations.

Step-by-Step Divorce Mediation Checklist

Use this checklist to ensure you're fully prepared for your mediation sessions: 

1. Gather Financial and Legal Documents

Transparency is vital during mediation. As part of this process, you’ll need to gather several documents, including:

  • State and Federal tax returns 
  • Pay stubs and other proof of income 
  • Bank statements for you and your spouse 
  • Your children’s bank statement 
  • Investment account statements 
  • Retirement account statements 
  • Credit card statements 
  • Loan documents 
  • Mortgage documents 
  • Life insurance policies 
  • Property deeds and titles 
  • Premarital or post-nuptial agreements 
  • Any pending lawsuits 
  • Court documents that have already been filed in your divorce

2. Create an Inventory of Assets and Debts

It is important to list all shared assets and debts clearly. This includes everything that was acquired during the marriage, including:

  • Real estate holdings 
  • Vehicles, boats, and other modes of transportation 
  • Personal property (valuables, electronics, art) 
  • Outstanding loans or debts 
  • Banking, retirement, and investment accounts

3. Prepare a Budget

You want to prepare a monthly budget that shows expenses accurately in order to secure a fair division. Estimate your post-divorce budget, considering housing and utility costs, childcare and education expenses, healthcare expenses and insurance premiums, transportation expenses, food, etc.

You can find out more about budgeting income and expenses when divorcing, as well as use this free budget worksheet to help you get started. 

4. Develop a Parenting Plan (if applicable)

Having a well-designed parenting plan can help foster a cooperative co-parenting relationship with your ex. It’s important to create a parenting plan that focuses on the best interests of your children. Your parenting plan should outline (at a minimum):

  • Custody arrangements 
  • Child support 
  • Medical and educational expenses 
  • Decision-making responsibilities 
  • Parenting times 
  • Holiday and vacation plans  
  • Relocation provisions

The Essential Divorce Planner includes a Parenting Plan section designed to help you determine all these issues and more.

5. Emotionally Prepare for Mediation

Divorce mediation is not just a legal process - it's an emotional one too. To prepare emotionally:

  • Let go of the need to win. Mediation is about collaboration, so be willing to give.
  • Let go of the past. Yes, your spouse may have been a jerk, but that doesn’t mean he gets nothing in the divorce.
  • Focus on your future instead. Visualize staying calm and focused during negotiations. 
  • Prepare of the emotional triggers that may come up so you can create some ground rules. 
  • Getting a good night’s rest and eating a good breakfast before mediation of can help keep your emotions in check.

Most importantly, remind yourself of the bigger picture so your decisions are based on your goals and not your emotions.

Common Mistakes to Avoid in Divorce Mediation

Many people unintentionally make the mediation process harder by being unorganized or forgetting important documents. Some people over-look preparing a post-divorce budget. Understanding your future needs is essential to negotiating a fair settlement.

Another roadblock to the mediation process is letting emotions drive your decisions or refusing to compromise on anything. Cooperation is the foundation of mediation. 

Avoid these pitfalls by following this free divorce mediation checklist carefully and keeping a flexible, solution-focused mindset.

Questions to Ask Yourself When Preparing for Divorce Mediation

What are my top priorities during mediation? Make a list of what you want regarding property division, child custody, and spousal or child support. This allows you to focus on the most important issues during negotiation.

What am I willing to compromise on? It helps to consider what your spouse will be wanting out of the negotiations. If it really isn’t that important to you, it’s worth compromising on to be able to reach an agreement.

What outcome would best support my children's and my future? For example, do you want to keep the house. And if so, can you really afford it? What are you willing to give up in exchange for the house.

How will I handle emotional triggers during discussions? Your spouse probably knows all your hot-button issues. Consider the best way to deflect rude comments and avoid discussing touchy issues that have nothing to do with reaching an agreement. If you find yourself triggered, take a deep breath to compose yourself. You can even ask to take a short break to walk away from the situation for a while.

Post-Mediation Steps

Once an agreement is reached, the mediator will prepare a summary of what was agreed upon. It’s really important to review the summary to be sure if contains everything that was decided on during your mediation. It’s always a good idea to have your attorney look over the agreement to make sure it is legally correct and that the terms are fair.

If you or your attorney find any errors or ambiguities, these will need to be addressed and the agreement updated. If everything looks right, you and your spouse will need to sign the mediation agreement so that it can be incorporated into your divorce agreement.

Final Thoughts

Preparing for divorce mediation is one of the most empowering steps you can take during this difficult time. By using this divorce mediation checklist, gathering the right documents, and managing your emotions, you'll be better positioned to reach a fair agreement you can live with.

Remember: mediation isn't just about ending your marriage — it's about building a foundation for your next chapter. The better prepared you are, the smoother and more successful the process will be.

To get addition information on mediating your divorce, check out the following articles: